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Original poster

Wedding no show. Was I unreasonable to block her?

366 replies

Nowtinit · 12/08/2025 13:07

I got married earlier this year. It was a fairly big wedding. 100 guests with a sit down meal etc.

I used to have a friend who I was fairly close to back in the day. Knew each other from school. Had many a fun night out drinking in our youth as well as some holidays away etc. She got married and had her kids a few years back now (her children are 8 and 10 now) but we never lost contact and still saw each other regularly for the most part. She moved away 2 years ago to an area about 2 hours away from our home town. We still kept in touch but neither of us went to see the other as life was always just busy. But we were always friendly on text but they dwindled a bit as well.

Anyway when i was organising the wedding I messaged her to say I know we haven’t been in touch as much but I’d love it if she (and her husband and kids) could come to the wedding, but I understood if it was too much of a hassle coming the 2 hours back this way. She replied immediately saying she’d definitely be coming and would there be a hen do etc. I said there would be but I hadn’t organised that yet so would be in touch and would also send out a formal invite.

I sent the invite, she RSVP’d immediately for the whole family including the meals they wanted etc. Once the hen was organised I sent her those details (night out in our home town. Meal and drinks). She replied great I’ll be there!

Two weeks before the hen party (which was 4 weeks before the wedding) she text to say she’d forgotten it was her nephews birthday the same day as the hen so she couldn’t come. It was quite a blunt text (for her) but I said no problem and I was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. She replied with “yes me too. I have our hotel and train all booked!”

Day of the wedding arrived, and she just didn’t show. I checked her instagram and she’d been posting pictures of her family as normal the week leading up to the wedding as well as on the day on the wedding (they appeared to be at a park or similar on the day). I gave it a few days to see if she’d get in touch but nothing. One evening (after a few wines) I did send a passive aggressive text saying I assume you couldn’t make the wedding then? She read it and didn’t reply. So I just deleted and blocked her on everything.

It’s been a couple of months now and I’ve pretty much just forgotten all about it. But the other night I woke up and I’d had 4 missed calls. 3 were withheld numbers and 1 was her husbands number. One of the withheld numbers had left a voicemail which was just people laughing hysterically followed by someone (female but not my friend) saying bitch really loudly. No idea if it was her/related to her but I’m guessing it was due to her husbands number also ringing me within a few mins of that message.

I don’t really get what happened? She was always a normal person. Not flakey. A good friend. Not aggressive or rude. Just…. Normal. Yes we’d lost touch a bit but we’d never fallen out. I always messaged her happy birthday and she did the same. Yes my post wedding text was a bit PA but the fact she didn’t even bother to let me know she couldn’t come or even apologise after the fact did piss me off a bit. We’d paid for the whole families meals etc and there was 4 wasted seats. To just not get in touch at all was just rude in my opinion. I was quite happy to just forget about her and carry on. But then this weird phone call/voicemail happened and its brought it all back up again. Especially as it seems very out of character for her to be so almost malicious. She’s never been like that before. But I guess maybe she’s changed in the past 2 years. Who knows.

OP posts:
Horsie · 12/08/2025 22:52

momtoboys · 12/08/2025 22:46

You were not unreasonable to block her. She sounds like a wench. She acts like she is 13. You deserve better friends. And it was not up to you to follow up with her to see what happened about the wedding. She was taking the piss.

A wench? 😂 Do you mean a witch? I'm imagining a milkmaid with yellow plaits in one of those traditional German outfits with the lace-up top! 🤣

WeightLossGoal2024 · 12/08/2025 22:52

i think blocking her is acceptable as her behaviour is unforgivable. If she really wanted to contact you she could write you a snail mail letter explaining her actions.

momtoboys · 12/08/2025 22:46

You were not unreasonable to block her. She sounds like a wench. She acts like she is 13. You deserve better friends. And it was not up to you to follow up with her to see what happened about the wedding. She was taking the piss.

Hattieandcake · 12/08/2025 22:43

UnintentionalArcher · 12/08/2025 19:15

I would try to rise above this, but I would be really tempted to send a message to her husband along the lines of:

’Hi Derek. Hope you’re well. I had some odd missed calls and an abusive voicemail the other night - not sure if you’re aware, but your number came up as part of that. I’m considering flagging the voicemail to the police just so it’s on record, but I wanted to check first if Jane is ok as it appears that she’s the connection here and the calls seem like the actions of someone who could be unwell or struggling. Sorry you and the family couldn’t make our wedding - I was really concerned on the day not to see or hear from you, but then saw on social media that you had been busy doing other things so assume that everything is ok your end. As I’m sure you know, these things are costly affairs - if you want to make good, the cost of the four meals for you all was £X and my bank details are (fill in).’

However, I might then not send it if I thought there was any chance her husband was abusive.

I would deffo do this upto the police and on record part!!!😂

Nanny0gg · 12/08/2025 22:39

AlertEagle · 12/08/2025 18:39

No idea why she missed the wedding however the way you messaged her in a passive aggressive manner and then blocked her might have pissed her off.

So?

She was rude.

No loss

Nanny0gg · 12/08/2025 22:36

EarringsandLipstick · 12/08/2025 15:35

I'm absolutely mystified at this - it's completely bizarre that she didn't show up (and of course, it's appallingly rude, and in the absence of any plausible explanation, really rude and hurtful).

Of course you are puzzled and upset.

But blocking her? Without even asking her for an explanation or letting her know how you felt - to someone you knew for 30 years? That's really odd behaviour. In terms of basic curiosity, I would want to know, but also in terms of the friendship, and making sure she was ok.

I'm not saying you should necessarily continue the friendship (she'd want to have a very good explanation) but it's silly to have blocked her.

She didn't give the friendship a second's thought.

The OP was right to block

Mama2many73 · 12/08/2025 22:33

My DH and I met at uni and a lovely friend on the course noticed things, mentioned them to me and it gave me the confidence to let him know how I felt. If it wasn't for her we probably would never have gotten together.

She accepted an invite to our wedding and I was really excited to see her again and thank her for her part in us getting together.
She didn't show. No message. No explanation. I was upset .

However about 2 weeks later she did contact me to apologise. She was due to come but mid afternoon had a call that her friend (42) had been rushed to hospital and she died the following morning.

Obviously you know your 'friend', the calls sound nasty and I can understand blocking, but i would have messaged her husband and waited to see what the response /fallout was before making a decision. You dont need the drama!

Nanny0gg · 12/08/2025 22:32

DoItAfraid · 12/08/2025 15:21

@Nanny0gg I wasn't making excuses for terrible manners.

I was sharing a really horrible time in my life that to an outsider might have looked like I was thoughtless.

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There were many posts making excuses, not specific examples

99bottlesofkombucha · 12/08/2025 22:16

TheWildZebra · 12/08/2025 21:08

How embarrassing it would be if the friend had actually just been diagnosed with something or something else bad had actually happened - then OP would look like a real bell end if she followed your advice! There’s no evidence to support your idea.

please don’t follow this poster’s advice OP. absolutely not classy or cool. Vicious and unnecessary.

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Also, what if her friend has actually been taken by aliens and this isn’t her but an alien copy? That’s just as likely as your example.

Horsie · 12/08/2025 22:11

Piknik · 12/08/2025 21:47

I would be unblocking and texting her. Just on principle of her thinking she can be that rude with no repercussion.

"Missed a call from your husband and presumably you a few minutes later the other night? Had given up on you following the no-show and no-communication around the wedding, but it sounded like you did want to say something? Shall we have a catch up?"

Exactly - she thinks she can be that rude without repercussion. I would be showing her otherwise.

FOUR places at a wedding!!!

Horsie · 12/08/2025 22:10

TheWildZebra · 12/08/2025 21:08

How embarrassing it would be if the friend had actually just been diagnosed with something or something else bad had actually happened - then OP would look like a real bell end if she followed your advice! There’s no evidence to support your idea.

please don’t follow this poster’s advice OP. absolutely not classy or cool. Vicious and unnecessary.

Show quote history

Rubbish. She has been diagnosed with nothing, except being a total bitch.

And you don't think that taking FOUR places from OP at her wedding - four! - is vicious? Also, how is telling the truth about someone's behaviour vicious? With any kind of abuse, you expose it. Nasty people thrive on the secrecy and depend on their victims keeping quiet. If someone does something dreadful to me, I certainly don't keep their grubby behavior a secret; why should I?

CatKings · 12/08/2025 21:56

This is exactly how bitchy teenagers acted like when I was young. If someone called them out they would turn against them and act like bitches to them.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbaam · 12/08/2025 21:52

What a cow.

Whatever she may or may not have going on, she behaved appallingly and a text telling you why she didn’t come would have taken seconds. In fact, she read your text and didn’t even bother replying. Then decided to have her friends join in on harassing you when drunk.

Block and move on. Not worth the trouble. If anything you were far too kind.

Piknik · 12/08/2025 21:47

I would be unblocking and texting her. Just on principle of her thinking she can be that rude with no repercussion.

"Missed a call from your husband and presumably you a few minutes later the other night? Had given up on you following the no-show and no-communication around the wedding, but it sounded like you did want to say something? Shall we have a catch up?"

PringlesTube · 12/08/2025 21:44

TheWildZebra · 12/08/2025 21:08

How embarrassing it would be if the friend had actually just been diagnosed with something or something else bad had actually happened - then OP would look like a real bell end if she followed your advice! There’s no evidence to support your idea.

please don’t follow this poster’s advice OP. absolutely not classy or cool. Vicious and unnecessary.

Show quote history

And the “friends” prank calls laughing and yelling bitch at the op, that’s ok is it? Not really indicative of some valid reason for the no show and lack of communication.

Bathingforest · 12/08/2025 21:44

there is nothing to do here. You clearly are not a bitch, you spent money on them, they did not want to come. Not sure what else could be done. Are they bitches and bastards, that is another question

Horses7 · 12/08/2025 21:37

Ps block all the other numbers too - don’t give them a second thought!

Horses7 · 12/08/2025 21:34

I’m sorry you’ve found out your friend is pretty awful and really doesn’t care about your friendship so forget about her completely and live your best life.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 12/08/2025 21:31

My cousin never showed up to my wedding despite saying he would and he was honoured to receive an invitation. He never explained either but I hadn’t seen him much. Only at my dads funeral so I assumed he’d bottled it on the day.

PringlesTube · 12/08/2025 21:27

She’s a twat. I’d send her a bill for the wedding meals in the post. I know she wouldn’t actually pay but it would piss her off, so worth it in my passive aggressive opinion 😂

BabyCatFace · 12/08/2025 21:26

I'm amazed at the people trying to make excuses for her, especially the poster who thinks her posting on social media on the day is a sign she's actually having a breakdown and making extra effort to look normal 😆
She sounds awful.

Tiredofallthis101 · 12/08/2025 21:19

If it were me I'd message as I'd want to know. But honestly you may never find out the truth anyway so probably better to keep them both blocked. Some people are just stupid and selfish. Other people don't start off that way but life changes them to be so. Who knows what's wrong with her but at least you know who she is now and that you don't need to rely on her any more.

I definitely wouldn't prank call her from someone else's phone and return the drunken message....

AlertEagle · 12/08/2025 21:10

I actually think she planned not to come and not telling you so she can hurt you. Can you remember if you ever promised to attend an event but you cancelled or didnt show up. Prior to the 2 years of not seeing each other or in the meantime

TheWildZebra · 12/08/2025 21:08

Horsie · 12/08/2025 20:54

She took up FOUR places at your wedding and then no-showed? That is an absolute DISGRACE. She did that on purpose. There is no way that she booked trains and hotel, because she absolutely would have showed up if she had. And then she posted photos of herself and her family on a day out, on the day of your wedding, that she knew you would see. Oh my god, I would be SO angry. If I were you, I'd write her a letter telling her that you're perfectly aware that she planned it all on purpose, that you're out hundreds of dollars, and that you don't believe for one second that she booked the train and hotel, and that you are perfectly aware that she posted the day-out photos knowing you would see them.

I would send it by email....BUT, I would also copy her husband. I bet he has NO IDEA what she did, that she lied to you about attending, and the supposed train and hotel bookings, and that the day out was the day of your wedding and she posted so that you would see. I bet he has no idea what a bitch he's married to, and he should know. If you have any mutual friends, copy them too. And her parents/siblings, if you know them. She should be embarrassed in front of her family and circle. I told my ex-H's mother and brother about what he did to me, copying ex-H, and I got an email back rom him saying "HOW DARE YOU"! Hahahahaaa!

Do it. Embarrass her. She did this whole thing on purpose and she deserves to be exposed.

If you're sure you haven't done anything to warrant this level of aggression from her, then I smell good old-fashioned jealousy. Weddings are rife with it among the bride's friends. I hate that stereotype but I'm sorry, they are.

Edited

How embarrassing it would be if the friend had actually just been diagnosed with something or something else bad had actually happened - then OP would look like a real bell end if she followed your advice! There’s no evidence to support your idea.

please don’t follow this poster’s advice OP. absolutely not classy or cool. Vicious and unnecessary.

AlertEagle · 12/08/2025 21:08

SpaceRaccoon · 12/08/2025 19:45

She's in absolutely no position to be pissed off after what she did.

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Of course she deserve worse in my opinion. Wonder why she said she would attend the wedding and then didnt maybe theres more to the story if op missed an event or something