Wedding no show. Was I unreasonable to block her?

Why are so many people making excuses for the friend being a flaky bitch?

Just ignore completely. You're dealing with an indecent, immature and toxic adult. Don't go down the rabbit whole of why did she did what she did. Not worth the time and nerves.

I got married earlier this year. It was a fairly big wedding. 100 guests with a sit down meal etc.

I used to have a friend who I was fairly close to back in the day. Knew each other from school. Had many a fun night out drinking in our youth as well as some holidays away etc. She got married and had her kids a few years back now (her children are 8 and 10 now) but we never lost contact and still saw each other regularly for the most part. She moved away 2 years ago to an area about 2 hours away from our home town. We still kept in touch but neither of us went to see the other as life was always just busy. But we were always friendly on text but they dwindled a bit as well.

Anyway when i was organising the wedding I messaged her to say I know we haven’t been in touch as much but I’d love it if she (and her husband and kids) could come to the wedding, but I understood if it was too much of a hassle coming the 2 hours back this way. She replied immediately saying she’d definitely be coming and would there be a hen do etc. I said there would be but I hadn’t organised that yet so would be in touch and would also send out a formal invite.

I sent the invite, she RSVP’d immediately for the whole family including the meals they wanted etc. Once the hen was organised I sent her those details (night out in our home town. Meal and drinks). She replied great I’ll be there!

Two weeks before the hen party (which was 4 weeks before the wedding) she text to say she’d forgotten it was her nephews birthday the same day as the hen so she couldn’t come. It was quite a blunt text (for her) but I said no problem and I was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. She replied with “yes me too. I have our hotel and train all booked!”

Day of the wedding arrived, and she just didn’t show. I checked her instagram and she’d been posting pictures of her family as normal the week leading up to the wedding as well as on the day on the wedding (they appeared to be at a park or similar on the day). I gave it a few days to see if she’d get in touch but nothing. One evening (after a few wines) I did send a passive aggressive text saying I assume you couldn’t make the wedding then? She read it and didn’t reply. So I just deleted and blocked her on everything.

It’s been a couple of months now and I’ve pretty much just forgotten all about it. But the other night I woke up and I’d had 4 missed calls. 3 were withheld numbers and 1 was her husbands number. One of the withheld numbers had left a voicemail which was just people laughing hysterically followed by someone (female but not my friend) saying bitch really loudly. No idea if it was her/related to her but I’m guessing it was due to her husbands number also ringing me within a few mins of that message.

I don’t really get what happened? She was always a normal person. Not flakey. A good friend. Not aggressive or rude. Just…. Normal. Yes we’d lost touch a bit but we’d never fallen out. I always messaged her happy birthday and she did the same. Yes my post wedding text was a bit PA but the fact she didn’t even bother to let me know she couldn’t come or even apologise after the fact did piss me off a bit. We’d paid for the whole families meals etc and there was 4 wasted seats. To just not get in touch at all was just rude in my opinion. I was quite happy to just forget about her and carry on. But then this weird phone call/voicemail happened and its brought it all back up again. Especially as it seems very out of character for her to be so almost malicious. She’s never been like that before. But I guess maybe she’s changed in the past 2 years. Who knows.

Honestly people show their true colours around weddings.

my best friend? Not my friend any more
my mom? Became nasty about someone
my sister? Said horrible things about my wedding shoes.
many people just didn’t come.

honestly. It’s such a special occasion and people should commit (unless there’s a death or accident etc!)

I honestly don’t blame you!

I got married earlier this year. It was a fairly big wedding. 100 guests with a sit down meal etc.

I used to have a friend who I was fairly close to back in the day. Knew each other from school. Had many a fun night out drinking in our youth as well as some holidays away etc. She got married and had her kids a few years back now (her children are 8 and 10 now) but we never lost contact and still saw each other regularly for the most part. She moved away 2 years ago to an area about 2 hours away from our home town. We still kept in touch but neither of us went to see the other as life was always just busy. But we were always friendly on text but they dwindled a bit as well.

Anyway when i was organising the wedding I messaged her to say I know we haven’t been in touch as much but I’d love it if she (and her husband and kids) could come to the wedding, but I understood if it was too much of a hassle coming the 2 hours back this way. She replied immediately saying she’d definitely be coming and would there be a hen do etc. I said there would be but I hadn’t organised that yet so would be in touch and would also send out a formal invite.

I sent the invite, she RSVP’d immediately for the whole family including the meals they wanted etc. Once the hen was organised I sent her those details (night out in our home town. Meal and drinks). She replied great I’ll be there!

Two weeks before the hen party (which was 4 weeks before the wedding) she text to say she’d forgotten it was her nephews birthday the same day as the hen so she couldn’t come. It was quite a blunt text (for her) but I said no problem and I was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. She replied with “yes me too. I have our hotel and train all booked!”

Day of the wedding arrived, and she just didn’t show. I checked her instagram and she’d been posting pictures of her family as normal the week leading up to the wedding as well as on the day on the wedding (they appeared to be at a park or similar on the day). I gave it a few days to see if she’d get in touch but nothing. One evening (after a few wines) I did send a passive aggressive text saying I assume you couldn’t make the wedding then? She read it and didn’t reply. So I just deleted and blocked her on everything.

It’s been a couple of months now and I’ve pretty much just forgotten all about it. But the other night I woke up and I’d had 4 missed calls. 3 were withheld numbers and 1 was her husbands number. One of the withheld numbers had left a voicemail which was just people laughing hysterically followed by someone (female but not my friend) saying bitch really loudly. No idea if it was her/related to her but I’m guessing it was due to her husbands number also ringing me within a few mins of that message.

I don’t really get what happened? She was always a normal person. Not flakey. A good friend. Not aggressive or rude. Just…. Normal. Yes we’d lost touch a bit but we’d never fallen out. I always messaged her happy birthday and she did the same. Yes my post wedding text was a bit PA but the fact she didn’t even bother to let me know she couldn’t come or even apologise after the fact did piss me off a bit. We’d paid for the whole families meals etc and there was 4 wasted seats. To just not get in touch at all was just rude in my opinion. I was quite happy to just forget about her and carry on. But then this weird phone call/voicemail happened and its brought it all back up again. Especially as it seems very out of character for her to be so almost malicious. She’s never been like that before. But I guess maybe she’s changed in the past 2 years. Who knows.

My guess is she didn't feel like going fo the wedding and felt too awkward to let you know as she had already cancelled attending the hen.

Unfortunately instead of being mature about it all it seems she decided to get silly over some drinks with friends.

She's not worth it.

I wonder if she would have paid for the hotel and train in advance - she must have paid for the train at least? So either she lost money on that by not coming or she knew damn well all along that she wasn't going to attend.

What has happened here is that your "friend" has agreed to the hen and wedding without thinking it through and at the end of the day she couldn't be arsed to make the effort to go.

She's thoughtless and selfish and is too coward to tell you upfront that she doesn't want to go to your hen or wedding (or its too much of a faff for her) and she just kicked it into the long grass. She's not a friend so don't spend any more time thinking about it. You have a new married life and lots of nice things going on, just cut this boil out of your life. Just let it go.

I had a couple not turn up to my wedding. It was someone I was really close to at work. My numbers were really restricted but I wanted to invite her to the day. She never showed up. It cost me a lot of money, and the 2 empty seats were obvious. When I got back to work she told me her DH just didn't want to go. She didn't really care that much, and I let the friendship slide. She didn't see that actually I was restricted on numbers, and it cost me money. She was thoughtless.

You are in your 40's now. Don't waste precious time on people who are selfish and horrible.

What has happened here is that your "friend" has agreed to the hen and wedding without thinking it through and at the end of the day she couldn't be arsed to make the effort to go.

She's thoughtless and selfish and is too coward to tell you upfront that she doesn't want to go to your hen or wedding (or its too much of a faff for her) and she just kicked it into the long grass. She's not a friend so don't spend any more time thinking about it. You have a new married life and lots of nice things going on, just cut this boil out of your life. Just let it go.

I had a couple not turn up to my wedding. It was someone I was really close to at work. My numbers were really restricted but I wanted to invite her to the day. She never showed up. It cost me a lot of money, and the 2 empty seats were obvious. When I got back to work she told me her DH just didn't want to go. She didn't really care that much, and I let the friendship slide. She didn't see that actually I was restricted on numbers, and it cost me money. She was thoughtless.

You are in your 40's now. Don't waste precious time on people who are selfish and horrible.

Please don't waste anymore time and energy on this. If you get in contact it could result in more late night calls they are obviously a bit bonkers and you don't need this stress in your life. They are not nice people, cut them off, block all numbers and move on.
Trust me OP karma always wins out in the end and nobody needs this drama.