To ask if anyone has become a single mother by choice and then regretted it

I’m married and having 2 kids has destroyed my physical and mental wellbeing. No way could I have coped alone.

It depends on how you think you’d get on if your child had a health issue for example. I don’t even mean a disability, we’ve found milder health issues can have a massive impact on life and NHS waitlists even for kids are ridiculous.

PPs are raising good points as well. What village do you have around you? Both my best friend and I have fallen ill and needed ambulances while we were on our own looking after babies. Both of us needed surgery afterwards.

Following with interest as I’m also considering this but mainly concerned about how I will cope! I struggle a bit with anxiety at times (although it has rarely stopped me from doing something, but has made it more challenging if you see what I mean - and weirdly I almost never have that when in a relationship as I feel calmer and safer (and perhaps just less time to myself to worry!)) So I’m worried about being anxious during pregnancy/having to parent alone. I also worry about the ethical implications of sperm donors and intentionally creating a child without a father.

However, as I’m 38.5 and my last serious relationship ended in March (as he wasn’t ready for kids 😒 despite being 47, telling me he wanted them when we got together and he wa 45 AND knowing I’d been through similar with a previous ex) I’m currently pursuing freezing some embryos with a sperm donor. If I’m lucky enough to get any genetically normal ones, I will freeze and reconsider where I am in a year (so 39.5ish) and perhaps plan to try to implant then, if I have allowed myself to come to terms with the concerns above.

A friend of a friend has had a baby with a sperm donor and the baby is a toddler now and she doesn’t regret it at all. However my concern (and perhaps one for you to think about in case it applies to you?) is that she is very independent and self sufficient anyway- the type to take herself off travelling etc on her own. I’m not really like that. Well I have a good, well paid job and have lived on my own on and off for years (apart from when living with exes) so I know I could manage the practicalities like that, but I don’t enjoy being on my own. I wouldn’t ever really want to go on holiday alone or imagine enjoying the idea of going out for a day trip alone. I basically want and enjoy others’ company so I can’t really see how I would manage being a single mum for the time it might take to be alone for the baby years and then want to take it slow dating and meeting someone? but I’m also a big overthinker so maybe I’m doing that here too!

I’ve definitely ALWAYS wanted to be a mum though so if I get to the stage of believing this is my only chance then I think I would go for it… I’m just not quite there yet…

You dont need a man if you dont want one what you do need is a village. People for emergencies. So aslong as you have friends and family I dont see the issue

OP, very few women are going to say they regret having a child/children whether they're single or partnered. But, realistically yes - it's bloody tough on your own. Of course it is. Apart from the practicalities, such as finances, you've got nobody to share school pick ups with, nobody to help when you are ill and nobody to share the emotional burden with - amongst a whole list of other things. It's also much harder to form a relationship with someone for many reasons. Firstly, because you've got to work it around your child, secondly because men aren't generally that enthusiastic about someone else's kid. You've also got to put your child first, and if that means not living with someone until that child is a young adult, then that's the way it's got to be.

Yes I have 2 friends who have done it alone, one is extremely happy, the other slightly less so and has definitely found it harder than she anticipated but neither regret their choice. Having family close by has been a necessity for both of them.

I’m a solo mum, had my son with a sperm donor and IVF. I’ve never regretted it for a single moment. Yes it’s hard, and yes it’s harder than you can imagine right now, but nothing beats it. Lots will depend on your support network, for example if you get a nasty bug is there someone that will look after your child for you? Consider your finances, everything is easier with money as you have more childcare options. I can recommend The Stork and I as a good place for more info and to speak to like minded women.

I am a single Mum - not by choice in the sense that you mean but I did choose to leave EA exh.

I don’t regret it at all, but it is hard having all burdens - financial, logistical, emotional etc - on you and no one even to talk them over with who is in it together with you.

Not me, but I do follow someone on Instagram, who is a single mother by choice and talks a lot about it. The handle is mysmbclife, if that helps.