Dm wants me to forgo car seats. Wwyd?

I don't know how old OPs mother is, but I'm 66 so probably around my age.
I am of the generation where a load of kids were piled in the back and in the boot. But my children were born in the 80's and we used car seats.
There is no big mental shift at all, people of my generation are neither imbeciles nor dinosaurs and can perfecty comprehend a change in attitude (and law) that came about when our children were small.

Yep. I grew up somewhere with shite safety standards, but 50 year old DH said his parents were diligent about seatbelts and car seats when they were young.

Appease your mother or your children’s safety? No contest, can’t believe the risk she’s asking you to take. Either find another way to get to the airport or alternative childcare in September. You are right OP, don’t let them wear you down.

I'd be telling her that you're disappointed she is putting her own grandchildren's safety at risk for her own selfish wants.

She's a disgrace.

I don't know how old OPs mother is, but I'm 66 so probably around my age.
I am of the generation where a load of kids were piled in the back and in the boot. But my children were born in the 80's and we used car seats.
There is no big mental shift at all, people of my generation are neither imbeciles nor dinosaurs and can perfecty comprehend a change in attitude (and law) that came about when our children were small.

OP your mother is self absorbed and bonkers, but I'm sure that isn;t news to you. Do what you need to do to keep your children safe and ignore her nonsense.

It's the fact that it's been brought up in an emotional blackmail way as well to get her to say yes that makes me 😡
If possible I'd be wanting to use a childminder/nursery to save any future drama.

She sounds awful. I suspect this is usual for her. Of course YANBU.

I think she has FOMO about your dad being there to wave you off but not her.

I think you should tell your dad that rather than cause all this fuss, you’ll find your own way there and that you look forward to seeing them both at the airport to wave you off.

Hopefully they’ll see how stupid that is.

But assuming you want a relationship with your mum - and for your kids to have one - I’d refuse that lift. Shame but there you go.

And I wouldn’t dream of letting her do
childcare unsupervised, never mind ask her to. Surely you won’t be?

Someone who prioritised her own convenience and ego over my children’s safety would have very little, if anything, to do with us.

Car seats have been the law since 2006. That’s 19 years for her to get used to it.

So she wants to put her grandchildren’s lives at risk so she can wave them off for a weeks holiday? Ridiculous of her.

Why?

They wouldn't be safe on these though.

Hinting that she won’t do childcare? Do you need her? I’m gobsmacked that she’s keen to risk their safety for her selfish desire to wave you off. Has she done similar before? Is she willing to stop seeing you because you could just tell her where to go and stop visiting if she’s going to be stupid (if you don’t rely on her for childcare).

Is your df actually going to refuse to take you? Will he turn up with her in the car? If I were you, I’d make a backup plan just in case.

Is this your first holiday? Bizarre she wants to wave you off. Surely your dad will want to drop and run not pay to park up and come in?

I would make other plans (not including any other family doing it) and then message your dad to say you have sorted something else, thanks for the offer. Refuse to engage with the nonsense.

Take the train

Ok so DF takes DH and DM Greggs at the airport to wait and DFcomes back for you and the DCS plus car seats. Let the 2 enablers and the PITA be inconvenienced - heard their coffee isn’t too bad. Is she planning on coming to pick you up too as she and DH( if she won’t sit in Greggs alone) will have to wait it out while you and DCS get home first. Glad you are sticking to your guns. Any mates she moans to will either be raising their eyebrows at her or they’re narcissistic idiots too in which case double down and you’ll have a better life if you go NC

Put a kid in the front in the car seat, and 2 adults in the back.

Do you really need her for childcare in September? I would have serious doubts about leaving them in the care of someone who thinks that waving goodbye is more important than safety (and the law).

Your mother is being a drama queen. Hanging up on you is extremely immature, all because you disagreed? I sense this entire situation is just another example of bigger personality issues.

So your mother needs to wave you off at the airport so badly? Again, how old are you and how old is she? This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. You're going on a holiday, not moving away forever.

Her response to you wanting to protect your children by having them in car seats again supports my earlier theory. Your mother sounds completely selfish, self-absorbed, and immature.

Find another way to the airport.

Ask her if she is happy to risk the chance of your children being flung through the windscreen at speed just so she can wave to you at the airport instead of your house… ask her if she really thinks you would put what she wants ahead of your children’s safety. This would make me totally reconsider how much she was involved with my kids. She is completely ignoring their safety for her own selfish needs.

Unless you need and want an extra pair of hands to deal with the children whilst you check in or do drop off your mother is just going to be in the way. And she will be waving you off into a queue.

Tell your father that it was good of him to offer to help and you appreciate his offer. But it isn’t worth falling out over so you will sort out something else. Don’t even take the compromise offer because on the day she will contrive to be in the car with you.

It’s the idea that she wants to be there to wave you off that I can’t get my head around. And even if it was a normal thing for a week’s holiday, (which it isn’t) I’m guessing she hasn’t used a busy airport at the peak of summer before?

What are you doing for the return? Is she planning on being there, greeting you like long lost relatives that she can barely recognise from their years in the antipodes? You need to make sure she doesn’t turn up and leave you no choice for the trip home.

That said, it's a big mental shift for for many if her generation who grew up piling 15 kids into the back and boot
Yeah, agree but the repeated nagging and demanding there's just no need for.