How much do you get to spend on you each month? SAHM

As a single mum, what a wonderfull parent to love your children so , so very well done , my grand daughter is in this position as the dad walked out on her , she works as a surveyor just had a baby , she says she can do this and she will l am a grandad. I admire you and her . Well done

A very gracious apology.

WTAF?!

£0.00 most months 🤣. I’m a single working parent so all my cash goes on the kids and saving for a yearly holiday or Christmas/birthdays. I get clothes out of any Christmas/birthday money I receive, or if my Mum asks me to go shopping with her.

I think £400 is quite a bit, by the sounds of it he is funding family meals, food shop, bills etc. The child is half yours as well it's not like you are just looking after his kid and you also have the luxury of being a stay at home parent which really means you can do what you feel like when you feel like it. I'm a housewife i guess? as all my kids are at school and I'd rather have less material things and the freedom it allows me.

You’re right! You must look after yourself to feel good. Having children is a real shock to the system, SAHP or not.

What about you put together a list of all the treatments/activities you want to do, put together a new monthly budget and talk to your husband?
If it’s affordable for your household, argue that’s it’s essential for your well being and that you’d really appreciate his support until you are back to feel yourself.

SAHP also have the right to look after themselves, it’s not the privilege of the earning ones.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Let’s just hope in 5/10/15 years time you aren’t wishing the £000s spent on microneedling were in the savings account, OP.

What matters is where the money is, not the payslip. If it's in an account that has your name on it then it's your money right?

Putting aside the bickering over SAHMs and their value...I've been a SAHM from the day my eldest was born, giving up a fabled MN "six figure salary" as an attorney to be at home with my DC.

In answer to your question: I don't "get" any money to spend on myself each month as a SAHM. I spend whatever I want.

And that's not that much. I don't WANT to spend money on clothes or treatments that serve to make me prettier or feel better about my appearance (partly because I don't value those things, partly because I think that money would literally otherwise go to our children's education fund or our pensions). I don't think it's fair that I get the privilege of not working, not having bills to worry about, and being with my children as much as I want while my DH works full time. I do it, and we both want me to do it, because this set up works for the whole family and our wider family. We pull our weight equally, over the years and overall. He's in charge of money, I'm in charge of everything else. Equal contributions in our case. My DH isn't going out spending money on his personal enrichment other than on sports which he works around his work and family commitments. I do the same, to a basically equal amount (haven't counted but over the years I'm sure it's pretty much the same).

This isn't about money so much as about what you're asking for. You're asking for family money to be spent on extra, unnecessary (and they are unnecessary) beauty treatment from which only you benefit, over and above an agreed amount that you both get. Your family contributions and his cancel each other out. Your equal allowances cancel each other out. Why do you feel entitled to more than the agreed equal amount, and angrily so?

Obviously what you do enables him to work, and what he does enables you to be a sahp. Teamwork

You're asking if 400 is enough? You've said it's the same as he gets, so on a simple level that seems fair

Do you get other money for the needs of the dc? If you're spending your money on them then you need to raise that.

You've said the money is just sitting there, do you mean it's in savings, or that it's excess after the monthly spends and being used to increase savings?

To answer the question in your title - I had the same to spend on myself as DH had to spend on himself. Once all bills/outgoings/savings were prioritised, we halved what was left. Some months we had more than others, but always the same.

He has no issue on her spending the £400 on whatever she wants. He is not controlling or dictating in any way.

The issue is that OP doesn't want to spend her £400 on her beauty treatments and wants to use family money instead. Spending family money requires joint discussion.

I’m afraid that’s not how the law works. I am sure you’ve noticed pay slips are not in the spouses name. It is his money he earned it, there is no law that says it is hers, any agreement to share is made between the two of them, and ultimately it is his decision. And he has shared, they have little savings, she wants to be home, the issue is she’s eyeing up the income and wanting to blow it on beauty treatments. On top of her 400 a month fun money.

Sure and he can bill her for housing and food, car etc. that argument never works.

OP: AIBU
MN: Yes
OP No I am not.

He agreed upon £400 as your pocket money and can afford it. Would he rather it was spent on coffees, hair & nails and clothes?! I think if that's what you want to spend it on, then that's fine. He obviously has an issue with his money going on treatments and clearly thinks you don't need it and it's a waste of money. If it would make him feel better you could spend it on what he prefers, then he could gift you treatments for Christmas and birthdays. I'm so glad I'm working again and I have my own money, and never have to justify purchases to my husband. I never had pocket money as we were too poor without my salary. But I would have spent it on the gym, phone package, hair and nails and perhaps a fancy coffee machine!

Where do you live? I pay £70 for microneedling. Are you getting extras for the £200?

I think when the OP is reduced to belittling people’s use of commas she’s somewhat lost the argument.

I think the extra info you have given regarding having a little savings pot and putting the additional money in monthly gives some really relevant context here OP.
With all due respect, you're not being very pragmatic here. Ignoring all of the SAHM stuff and how much other people have to spend etc, your personal circumstances as you have indicated them would lend toward increasing the amount of money for your beauty regime not being reasonable. You are a SAHM, you have no intention of returning to work for at least another 6 years, having a savings pot to cover possible negative circumstances is essential for that plan to work and outweighs your need for more botox (in my opinion).

You're obvously a smart woman, budget your money that you do get more wisely to cover what you want to have done. Take the offer of the gifts to cover the bits that don't fit in your budget.

I hope your issues with your body image resolve themselves 💗

And this is the key point. If you can afford it and it's not prohibiting you from your share of the bills (with considerable deduction given the amount of unpaid work your contribution brings to the household) then he needs to wind his neck in. How would he feel if the roles were reversed?

Please Google how commas work

That was totally uncalled for OP.

I can but as DH tells me/shows me when he checks the amount each month there’s no need for me to. Fortunately there’s not been such an emergency I’ve needed to use it. We usually check the savings account together when we’re dithering about thinking of using it/huge expense.