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Original poster

How much do you get to spend on you each month? SAHM

283 replies

Khor · 12/08/2025 11:43

I have a monthly budget of £400. We decided on this figure pre pregnancy and at the time it sounded very reasonable. This includes beauty treatments (nails, hair etc), clothes, coffee, gym membership (but not meals out as a couple/family).

Dh and I have been married for 7 years. We purposely delayed starting a family for financial reasons. Dh is a pilot, I am a lawyer. Both 33.

I was happy with our plan as I believed it meant we would not have money struggles when I took extended time off to be a SAHM. I hope to have a second child soon and return to work when they start school.

In the last year or so I have really began to prioritise self care. Having my baby really impacted my body image/mh. I have had a few beauty treatments (microneedling, red light therapy and Botox). Dh believes this should come out of my personal fund. Obviously these treatments aren’t cheap so in no way would I be able to cover it.

I know it’s A LOT more than most are able to spend on themselves. I am grateful. But Dh keeps throwing it back in my face that I was the one who threw out the figure of £400. Which is true but that was years ago when I hadn’t gone through pregnancy and post partum. My confidence really took a knock and feeling like the old me is very important to me. I spent 6 months overweight, basically housebound, basically not caring about myself and it really brought me down. I have since come off anti depressants, lost weight and made major improvements.

We can cover these costs without it coming from my fund.

Who is right? It’s my money also I don’t think DH has anymore of a right to tell me how it’s allocated.

Also curious how much most SAHMs spend on just themselves each month.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 12/08/2025 11:58

Khor · 12/08/2025 11:55

That is incredibly offensive. I’m the infrastructure that supports my family’s livelihood. Dh would not be able to work, run a home and have a child without me.

@Mrsttcno1

Edited

No, you’re not. You look after the home & child, your husband keeps the roof over your heads and food on your table. None of this make any of it your money though, and the reality is he does get the final say there because it is HIS money.

Marriage will only protect you financially in divorce, it doesn’t give you any right to that money while married.

£400 is a lot of money really, and nothing you want is essentially so it is of course fair for that to come from personal spends.

Original poster
Khor · 12/08/2025 11:55

That is incredibly offensive. I’m the infrastructure that supports my family’s livelihood. Dh would not be able to work, run a home and have a child without me.

@Mrsttcno1

OP posts:
Original poster
Khor · 12/08/2025 11:51

Sorry my post is not well written at all. Trying to multitask here

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 12/08/2025 11:51

None of the treatments you want are essential, they are a luxury and as such should come from your personal funds I agree.

Also, you’re saying “it’s my money also” so he can’t tell you how to allocate it, I thought you said you were a SAHM so presumably not being paid?

Silverbirchleaf · 12/08/2025 11:51

It’s one of those situations that neither of you are wrong or right. Dh wants to stick to the agreed budget and you want to increase it.

My dc are older now, but when I was a sahm, I spent much less than you - haircut, coffee or lunch with friends, and that was about it! Probably £150 per month at most, if you were to include clothes and gym costs (although I didn’t do gym).

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 12/08/2025 11:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

redskydelight · 12/08/2025 11:48

I don't think knowing what other people spend will be particularly useful to you. There will be a lot of people who have very limited disposable income.

I'm not a SAHM but I have £250 a month as personal spends. We could afford for me to have more, but we have chosen, as a family, to prioritise money on savings, pensions and holidays.

I'd say the key things are

  1. How much does DH have? I'd suggest equal amounts is a good rule of thumb.
  2. What are your family priorities for the family budget? This is something you do need to agree between you. This is where it could get tricky if, for example, DH would prefer to put more money into savings, and you would like more personal money.
AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 12/08/2025 11:48

Never been a SAHM (couldn’t bear not working and earning my own money) but can’t imagine those treatments are in any way necessary at 33. Eat well, drink plenty of water, exercise and maximise sleep and you’ll reap the benefits.

I didn’t start getting Botox (just in my 11s) until I was well into my 40s - I pay for that myself.