AIBU to think DP hijacked my holiday

It's also possible that, given that the entire holiday was centred around the OP, he realised his son might not have been quite so excited to meet her extended family and watch her learning about her heritage. And instead of sulking and complaining of being neglected, he just took his son off to do their own thing instead.

You sound a bit precious OP tbh. Ofcourse his children will be his main focus fgs. You should follow his lead.

His behaviour isn't ideal but people are making out like he's the worst person in the world. He doesn't live with this child full time and is probably feeling guilty and wants him to be included. I think you probably feel more annoyed that you have been left out which isn't great either. How is his relationshio with the teenager when the other child isn't around? It's hard to get on or holiday with a moody teenager who certainly wouldnt want photos taken etc anyway. I'd still be having words with him though about how unincluded you feel, best just to say how you are feeling

He sounds like a bit of a dick. All that photo taking.

Sounds like you are jealous of a child to me and not mature enough to let the kids come first on a holiday.

Perhaps to them it was a holiday and they are not that interested in learning about your heritage and homeland?

I think it takes a lot of maturity and sacrifice on behalf of the adults to make a blended family work and it doesn’t sound like yours is going to.

The older son physically abuses the younger son? Kind of feeling sorry for him.

Your op brought the quote from The Talented Mr Ripley to mind

”The thing with Dickie... it's like the sun shines on you, and it's glorious. And then he forgets you and it's very, very cold”

All sounds terrible. Get rid of your DP.

Yabu. You are with a dad , you are not his priority and neither should you expect to be the only one I feel sorry for is the other son, but maybe at his age he doesn't want the photos etc which is understandable. Teen years are different from a ten year old.

I would question whether you are cut out for the step parent role as it is thankless in all honesty

@Strategies25 I don't know about DP making your holiday all about his DS, but you're making the issue all about you.

Was the sulky teen okay about being completely left out of all the father-son bonding? And was a single photo taken of your own kids with his son, or a selfie of your DH with all the kids?

I am not really worried about a man prioritising time with his son over his partner when on holiday, especially a child he does not live with, but I think overtly and excessively favouring one child over others is not on, unless the other kids have the opportunity to participate in activities/selfies and choose not to.

The teen probably hates his brother because the youngest is his father's very, very obvious favourite golden child. You couldn't create a more toxic sibling environment if you were a psychopathic social scientist who decided to deliberately experiment on your own children.

I have two boys - both teens- and the older one actually booked time off work to hang out with the youger one this summer, completely their idea. The relationship doesn't have to be toxic.

There was another thread on here yesterday about moody teens on holiday and the advice was overwhelming to leave them to get on with being moody and the rest of you carry on what you are doing. Dynamics are different on holiday to every day and the father may have a perfectly normal day to day relationship with the older child who lives with him permanently. The major concern is the use of the term beating up. Does OP mean it in the adult sense as or in sibling rough play that sometimes gets out of hand?

This should be a deal breaker. If you’re blending a family you’d think you’d be taking pictures of all the children as well as individual and create a book for you all. As well as sending group photos to the family.

I can bet you’ll bring this up, he’ll gaslight you to make you unreasonable and this will go on and on.
He’s shown you who he is. This won’t change.

the trip was to my homeland to learn about my heritage and meet my family. Now he’s making a book about that which will only feature his special boy in a range of scenic shots.

YOU thought the holiday was about you. Your DP thought it was an excellent opportunity to have a holiday with his youngest and create endless photo opportunities. You give the impression that your DP was solely focused on taking pics of his child and had little interest in anything else, including your family. If that's the case, I know I would be piqued by that (even allowing for DP to be delighted at spending so much time with his favourite instead of just weekends, which is understandable). Nothing you can do about that, you can't force him to be interested in you.

And he lives with the teen, but not the 10yo.

I'd be prioritising time with a DC I didn't live with, over a DP who was away visiting their family and a teen I lived with who was happier doing their own thing too.

It does sound extreme the way OP tells it, but I have a sense her version is somewhat biased.

OP, I’ve read your updates which do change things a bit.

If he doesn’t get to spend much time with his youngest it seems quite natural that he would be excited to have a whole holiday with him, take lots of photos etc. His older child lives with him all the time, plus is a teenager so possibly wouldn’t want to be attached to daddy all holiday in the same way.

What I’m really picking up though is that your actual concern seems to be that he didn’t make the whole holiday all about you. I think it was unrealistic if you to expect that when there were four children there! This wasn’t a romantic couple’s trip. Are you used to being the centre of attention in this way?

I think your expectations sound unreasonable and a little silly, but he sounds unreasonable in how he treats the 2 kids.

That said, my teen would rather not be in photos anyway!

Usual LTB MN madness in repsonse to this but, unless his older child was hurt by all the time your partner was spending with his younger chilkd (you seem to older child may have preferred this), I'm failing to see what he's done that is actually wrong.

He's gushing over a child he rarely gets to spend that time with. Maybe he's overcompensating a bit.

No big deal.

He sounds awful OP.

Did meeting your extended family for the first time and learning about your heritage not keep you somewhat busy? How did you even have a spare minute to feel neglected?

It sounds like the entire holiday was already geared around you, and you still got annoyed at your partner and his son doing some things that weren't about you.

The relationship between his children sounds sub-optimal (could be normal teen/younger brother dynamic or could be more dysfunctional, hard to say) but again you have somehow made that problem all about you.

Erm, my older child would never beat up his siblings and I never beat up mine.

The issue is you are jealous of the younger kid and your DP is a horrible prick who treats his eldest terribly

You are the step parent? And the older child lived with you full time, the youngest EOW? Do they have different mothers?

it sounds like your husband is overcompensating but also the situation it awkward, especially on a special ‘meet the family’ trip

it actually isn’t normal for a teen to be beating up a younger child or doing anything more than teasing.

Don’t have children with this man - he doesn’t parent and seems a bad relationship risk

You seem more annoyed that you weren't centred than the fact he massively overindulged one of his children. Go on a couples holiday of you need him to take photos of you. I'd be way more bothered that he treats his other child like shit. Also the three of them clearly weren't bothered about connecting with your family or country or heritage.

Don't have kids with him, and definitely don't marry him.

You keep calling it "my" holiday, but there were 5 other people also on holiday, and the holiday had been arranged entirely for your benefit, to see your family.

I have to admit, I'm wondering what his version of this story would be. And your DC.