AIBU to think DP hijacked my holiday

The 14 year old is a moody teenager who probably gets annoyed when his father (whom he lives with FT) even breathes in his vicinity, far less tries to buddy up on holiday!

We were all happy and excited. DP sat next to his son (10) and started doing selfies together and giggling through the whole flight. Would have thought kids could have sat together and us as a couple.

I don't see the issue that your DP sat next to his son. It's what most parents would do in these circumstances.

The holiday is precious time that he gets to spend with his son, whom he sees only EOW.

The different treatment of his two sons is a different matter.

I think YABU. He was taking his 10 year old on holiday - of course he wanted to spend time with him (and dare I say, of course he gave his actual child more attention than his partner). The situation with the older sibling sounds odd, but as long as he was polite to your family I think YABU to complain about him hanging out with his child on a family holiday.

I think the fact that it was a holiday to meet your family in your country is a bit of a red herring. He would have done the same wherever you were. It's fine that he wants to spend time with a son he doesn't see that much but he took it far too far.

My only suggestion is don't go on holiday with them again. Either him on his own with you, or he takes the son on his own.

I wonder if this was partly about by taking both sons with you he can convince himself that he wasn't favouring one son over the other, whereas taking DS2 on his own would be showing too much favouritism even for him (and he'd have to find someone to look after older DS while he did it which would emphasise it even more).

It’s not your holiday though. It’s his holiday too and that of his children. Except you paid for it all, they all have a right to enjoy it. You’re upset that you’re not the center of attention but he’s not your entertainment. I hate the dynamics between his 2 sons though because it’s wrong to allow the older one to beat to the younger one so that needs to be addressed but seeing as the older one is a bully and does not want to be involved in what he’s doing, I can see why he’s focused on his younger one instead.
And with what you’ve said about the older one being a bully, I can see why he does not want him sitting with the 10year old. Like why does he have to sit with you instead of his son, makes no sense

I also think that sitting with a 10 yo on a plane is not only fine but desirable.

Presumably the seats were 3-3 configuration and therefore you had to sit in two threes?

Him neglecting you is really not the issue here!

It’s the way in which he treats both of his children! Allowing one to beat up the other is also not on.

I don’t think a blended family holiday was a good idea in the circumstances.

You sound petty and jealous. He needs to move on to someone else and quickly.

Did you pay for the whole family OP? Even if you did it’s still not just your holiday. It’s the whole family’s holiday so you being upset because you weren’t centre of attention is silly.

This says it all - he is a seriously rubbish parent and partner.

Why for making the most of the time he is spending with his son that he usually sees every other weekend…. Yeh what a weirdo 🤦‍♀️

Have you posted about this dynamic before?

In all honesty your concern seems to be you not getting much attention and the ‘blending’ not being central.

I think you should be more concerned that your DP is a terrible father - how can you sit comfortable with his style of parenting.

No point in taking blended family photos when in reality it sounds shite.

I couldn’t be party to this shit parenting.

How was it your holiday? You took 2 adults and 4 kids. Not the others 5's holiday then?

I have two boys, they don't do anything that could ever be described in that way to each other. I also have two brothers, and they never did either.

He sounds weird as fuck but has he not displayed this kind of behaviour before?

That poor teen - no wonder they’re so moody! Their dad makes them feel like second best all of the time, and it’s no on at all. It doesn’t encourage a nice blended family vibe. And that’s unfair on you when you’re trying your best.

Your partner is behaving like a nob - it’s going to cause resentment which will come out in the future and split the family.

I think you are unrealistic to imagine a family holiday with 4 pre teens and teens was ever going to afford you much couple time.

Do you live together?

All else aside, I can’t imagine the SDC were sold the holiday on the basis it was to learn about their dad’s girlfriend’s heritage and meet her family.

You are being a bit of a spoiled baby.

Tell him need to make the eldest feel treasured and special and well regarded each day . Tell him to build a stronger bond with her/him and find a shared weekly hobby with the eldest. The favouritism is so clear and he is the one creating hostility between the siblings. The hitting will linked to the favouritism. More effort with the eldest would result in a happier sibling relationship.

You can't fault DP for loving his child and savoring this time when he is still young enough to want to be around his dad, unlike the moody teen. If there hasn't been a holiday in three years then I can see where DP was really trying to make some major memories here with his son.

It sounds like the issue is that DP didn't do a great time balancing his time.The book....I don't think it's the best idea because even if his other child didn't want photos taken, they will inevitably feel left out.

As for how you feel about all of this, I don't think that there is anything you could say or expect that will make this relationship be what you want it to be. His absolute priority is his son, you sound very resentful of this and of the child himself, and I think it's probably best for everyone, especially the children, if you part ways.

I think there is a line between supervising, prioritising and generally looking after DC which is reasonable and not ignoring the rest of the group, especially if you are half of a couple and you leave your partner looking after the moody teen.

The teen probably not going be made any less moody or easier to handle by being left with his Dad's girlfriend and watching his dad making a huge fuss over younger sibling. If you as his GF could see it - the Teen certainly could and I do think that is a very damaging way to treat a child, moody or otherwise.

I think he sounds very self centred, very into showing off on social media too. He can get better pictures with the cute happy 10 year old, than with the moody Teen. Shame on him.

Did you actually stay with your extended family? ie were they hosting you? if so, then yes he absolutely should have made an effort to interact with them, and not just a cursory hello before pursuing his own interests. He was staying with family and not in a hotel.. and I can understand if you feel that he appeared neglectful of you to your family, that would be humiliating. That would be another strike as far as I am concerned. Don't agree to come and meet someone's family, and whilst there show little interest in the partner or the family.

It sounds like there wasn't much discussion about how you would both spend your time on holiday, and that you both had very different ideas about how it would go. Eg.. booking seats on the airplane. Who made all the travel arrangements? Didn't he consult you?
Did you have to sit with the Moody Teen and your two DC? How does MT treat them? If he's ok with them, then its definitely a brother dynamic created by his Dad.
I can understand that if it was your first holiday in three years and first as a couple that it would have been disappointing not to have a least a little attention from him. Have you said anything to him about it?

He lives with his teen, not you, from your earlier post. Who was paying for the holiday BTW? Did he pay his way, considering the free accomodation?

Do you think he is trying to make the mother of the 10 year old jealous / rub her face in it?

In any case, yes his behaviour is very self-centred and I would also be pissed off.

What are you going to do about it OP?

I see 2 brothers at work, the younger is usually manhandled by the older. I have reported this and obviously stopped it when I see it. I hate to think about how the older one behaves when at home.

It’s a terrible shame that you didn’t enjoy the holiday but I don't think it was about you. 100 photos a day is not normal, but I can kind of understand the obsession/novelty for your dp, although I think his behaviour is guaranteed to upset the older son and ignoring you was shitty. Do both boys have the same mum? (Not relevant, probably, I’m just interested in the set up)

He kept them separated as you said the eldest tends to beat him up. He was bonding with a child he doesn't see often. Perhaps he went too far? He found it easier to leave you with the sullen child and have fun with the youngest. The holiday was a different thing for everyone. For you it was about meeting family and connecting with roots, for him it was to enjoy with his youngest. Me personally, I think it would have been better to leave the children behind, if you wanted his full attention. Did you get to do what you wanted to?