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Original poster

AIBU to think DP hijacked my holiday

213 replies

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:11

We are a step family and this summer took DP and his children back to my home country to meet my extended family for the first time. It was the first time they’d been there, and the first time meeting my family members. So it was a big deal for me and them.

it was also our first holiday together in 3 years.

in the run up to it both DP and I had been stressed, but we’d actually had some good conversations and worked through it. And we were all looking forward to the holiday.

Well the issue is he made the holiday all about his son, and it really got to me.

it started on the plane. We’ve got two kids each - ranging from 10-14. We were all happy and excited. DP sat next to his son (10) and started doing selfies together and giggling through the whole flight. Would have thought kids could have sat together and us as a couple.

then at the resort all the kids ran off to play on the beach. I felt a moment of wellbeing, but one second later DP was off following his son around to get scenic shots of him on the beach.

anyway that continued all holiday. To an extreme extent. He took around 100 photos a day of his son (bear in mind he’s got 2 children- he completely neglected the other one)
he posted every night- and sometimes several times during the day to Facebook, instagram and his family WhatsApp chat. Photos of his son, his‘special boy’.
he never included any of the rest of us, or any mention of why we were there- to meet my family.

since we’ve been back he’s still posting unseen shots every day.

and now he’s making into a book.

am I right to be feeling massively left out??

the thing is I couldn’t work out what to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculous.

OP posts:
Ymiryboo · 13/08/2025 18:01

ForZanyAquaViewer · 12/08/2025 10:45

the moody teen beats up the 10 year old any chance he gets which is why DP tries to keep them apart.

What the actual fuck am I reading? What is with all these threads today?!

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I thought the same! A teenager regularly beats up a
little kid, probably because he sees his dad adoring the boy and he’s getting nothing, and you (OP) are fine with that but not with him not giving you loads of attention? Christ on a rusty bike your priorities are off OP.

beAsensible1 · 13/08/2025 17:00

Strategies25 · 13/08/2025 10:06

Thank you @DuckbilledSplatterPuffthis clarifies the issue exactly!

the plane situation I just mentioned to demonstrate it was from the very first moment of the trip to the end.

but now I think about it, his teen harassed and bullied my son the whole flight. But DP absolutely didn’t care because his golden boy was safe with him. So the impact of his other son on my children was of no concern to him.

he was just glad it was keeping his teen away from his golden boy.

Show quote history

But why didn’t you sit next you son?

HatandCoat · 13/08/2025 10:24

Please tell me you don't live with him? I'd consider the holiday a trial run for that and it didn't work. At least you know now. I don't see any 'blended' family from your description.

I'd have no time for him after he has allowed this situation to develop between his sons, one being idolised and the other bullying the favoured child. I wouldn't put your own children in the middle of his mess.

Ellie1015 · 13/08/2025 10:09

No wonder you resent him. I would be reconsidering the relationship

Original poster
Strategies25 · 13/08/2025 10:06

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 12/08/2025 13:14

I think there is a line between supervising, prioritising and generally looking after DC which is reasonable and not ignoring the rest of the group, especially if you are half of a couple and you leave your partner looking after the moody teen.

The teen probably not going be made any less moody or easier to handle by being left with his Dad's girlfriend and watching his dad making a huge fuss over younger sibling. If you as his GF could see it - the Teen certainly could and I do think that is a very damaging way to treat a child, moody or otherwise.

I think he sounds very self centred, very into showing off on social media too. He can get better pictures with the cute happy 10 year old, than with the moody Teen. Shame on him.

Did you actually stay with your extended family? ie were they hosting you? if so, then yes he absolutely should have made an effort to interact with them, and not just a cursory hello before pursuing his own interests. He was staying with family and not in a hotel.. and I can understand if you feel that he appeared neglectful of you to your family, that would be humiliating. That would be another strike as far as I am concerned. Don't agree to come and meet someone's family, and whilst there show little interest in the partner or the family.

It sounds like there wasn't much discussion about how you would both spend your time on holiday, and that you both had very different ideas about how it would go. Eg.. booking seats on the airplane. Who made all the travel arrangements? Didn't he consult you?
Did you have to sit with the Moody Teen and your two DC? How does MT treat them? If he's ok with them, then its definitely a brother dynamic created by his Dad.
I can understand that if it was your first holiday in three years and first as a couple that it would have been disappointing not to have a least a little attention from him. Have you said anything to him about it?

He lives with his teen, not you, from your earlier post. Who was paying for the holiday BTW? Did he pay his way, considering the free accomodation?

Thank you @DuckbilledSplatterPuffthis clarifies the issue exactly!

the plane situation I just mentioned to demonstrate it was from the very first moment of the trip to the end.

but now I think about it, his teen harassed and bullied my son the whole flight. But DP absolutely didn’t care because his golden boy was safe with him. So the impact of his other son on my children was of no concern to him.

he was just glad it was keeping his teen away from his golden boy.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 13/08/2025 10:05

' My parents paid for the holiday '

and that's even worse !

how disrespectful.

Original poster
Strategies25 · 13/08/2025 09:59

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 12/08/2025 12:47

Did your partner realise it was 'the trip was to my homeland to learn about my heritage and meet my family.

did / do he or his children want to know about your heritage ?

did they meet your family - which clearly is the important thing

or did he just think it was a holiday to your homeland and an opportunity to spend lots of time with his youngest child ?

who paid ?

My parents paid for the holiday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Strategies25 · 13/08/2025 09:54

SporadicMincePieMuncher · 12/08/2025 12:26

Hang on.

  • the teen and the 10 year old have to be kept separated.
  • he is the only biological parent to the 10 year old who is on this holiday.
  • he doesn't see the 10 year old that much at home.

OF COURSE in this situation he should be the person who should take care of the 10 year old while you keep the teen out of the 10 year old's way. OF COURSE he's going to want to spoil his little boy that he doesn't see that often, and of course you're going to get less of his attention when his son who he doesn't live with is present. see It doesn't sound like it was ever going to be an idyllic family holiday anyway, if you have to keep the two kids away from each other. this is all pretty normal run of the mill parenting IMO.

Yes you’re right. I guess I’ve kind of got the jealousy of the 10yr old out of my system now. And realised that the issue was he left his older boy unattended to beat up on my son.

I guess it’s frustration with him just thinking of his needs. And not considering or caring at all about the impact on me and my children.

I guess these feelings weren’t clear to me at first which is why I fixated on being angry about the photos.

OP posts:
Original poster
Strategies25 · 13/08/2025 09:46

Mothership4two · 12/08/2025 11:57

I would be tempted to comment on these social media posts that despite evidence to the contrary there were actually six people on this holiday not two

I was sooo tempted to do this!!!

OP posts:
RoseRedorDead · 13/08/2025 09:28

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:55

Yes the older teen wouldn’t want to be in so many photos.

it was the fact that he’s now making a book about it that has tipped me over the edge.

the trip was to my homeland to learn about my heritage and meet my family. Now he’s making a book about that which will only feature his special boy in a range of scenic shots.

aside from all the parenting issues which are on going but truthfully not much different to other brothers I know (there is always some degree of beating up of the younger by the older. Maybe beating up is far too strong a term.) but aside from those issues- I was annoyed at being neglected on my holiday.

No, there's really not always this dynamic between brothers. That's like the saying 'boys will be boys '
I have 2 DSs 2 years apart and I can only genuinely think of 1 time they got physical with each other, and even that was an minor shove. I also childmind and have looked after many boys/ siblings. Only 1 family had boys who fought. This boys had other issues mainly due to poor parenting. They didn't stay with me for long.

gannett · 13/08/2025 08:52

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 14:25

Thanks @MyQuirkyTraybake, I didn’t even particularly want couple time - I guess I felt I was showcasing my blended family for the first time, and it felt like he threw all of us under the bus and just had one priority.

I wanted us to feel like the proud parents managing our family- but we were completely separated and I just thought what is the actual point??

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Oh so it was all about the picture-perfect image you wanted to portray to the outside world rather than the reality of what life was like and what people actually wanted to do. Fixating on those ideals doesn't really end well. If you do decide to end it, it doesn't sound like you were hugely compatible anyway.

beAsensible1 · 12/08/2025 23:32

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:30

Yes his other child is a moody teen who he lives with full time. The 10 year old is his ‘baby’ and he sees him every other weekend- but more if he can.

so he feels the need to look after his baby and over compensate for not being there.

the moody teen beats up the 10 year old any chance he gets which is why DP tries to keep them apart.

that’s a dynamic that has never changed.

it was embarrassing for me being completely neglected by DP while on holiday.

So this clearly explains why he didn’t sit with you and is over compensating and keeping the kids apart???

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 12/08/2025 23:29

@Strategies25 I don't blame you for thinking about ending the relationship. He sounds too involved with his one son and to not consider you at all on the holiday? Or your son or his other son? Very self-centered behavior and a bit weird to focus that much on one child, while ignoring everyone else. No wonder you did not enjoy the holiday with him.

I think ending it would be in the best interest of you and your DC. He may be "trying" with his older DS, but he is massively failing, and he has shown you who his priority is and it's not you or blending the family.

Alittlefeedbackwouldbenice · 12/08/2025 20:50

Gymnopedie · 12/08/2025 20:13

the 10year old absolutely loves it and walks around like ‘I’m daddy’s little prince’ totally sick making at all times.

I'm guessing that what happened on the holiday also happens EOW when he sees DS2. The older one is abandoned (a surefire way to improve brotherly relations) and DP expects you to be the default parent to him.

I wouldn't blame you at all for ending it.

This is the little bit who dad sees less because he moved away from him to (I'm not sure) either move in with the OP, or support his eldest child better. Either way, he has a lot of guilt about it and it seems to have caused a lot of upset, and bad feeling between this 10yo (who has been partially abandoned by his dad) and the OP.

Gymnopedie · 12/08/2025 20:13

the 10year old absolutely loves it and walks around like ‘I’m daddy’s little prince’ totally sick making at all times.

I'm guessing that what happened on the holiday also happens EOW when he sees DS2. The older one is abandoned (a surefire way to improve brotherly relations) and DP expects you to be the default parent to him.

I wouldn't blame you at all for ending it.

Enrichetta · 12/08/2025 19:10

upshot is I’m now considering ending it all.

Do it.

Rosegoldy · 12/08/2025 19:05

Absolutely you should be ending it all.
He's batshit.
He did hijack your holiday and ruined it by all accounts.
His poor sons, both being failed.
Your poor son being so imposed upon.

He does not sound like a healthy normal influence to have around your children.

I would be cringing at his constant photos and SM bullshit.

He sounds a bit of a twat to be honest.

Original poster
Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 19:00

Yes I guess it was ‘business as usual’ to be honest.

he is a really good dad to his teen on the whole. He bends over backwards for him on a daily basis. He can’t have his two kids together though- so he was definitely trying to protect his‘baby’ with the golden boy routine.

the 10year old absolutely loves it and walks around like ‘I’m daddy’s little prince’ totally sick making at all times.
Teen has really bad adhd, and basically just poured all his energies onto my son - which was way too much for my son to handle. My mum was really concerned about it.

I tried to ask DP to spend some time with older teen so my child could play freely. But he reacted really badly- then doubled down on siphoning off‘golden boy’.

upshot is I’m now considering ending it all.

OP posts:
Loadsapandas · 12/08/2025 18:46

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 14:25

Thanks @MyQuirkyTraybake, I didn’t even particularly want couple time - I guess I felt I was showcasing my blended family for the first time, and it felt like he threw all of us under the bus and just had one priority.

I wanted us to feel like the proud parents managing our family- but we were completely separated and I just thought what is the actual point??

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What is your ‘blended’ family usually like?

Chances are the holiday dynamics was business as usual, why you would have expected any different I don’t know.

Vaxtable · 12/08/2025 18:41

Never mind you what about his other poor child. Talk about golden child

I couldn’t be with someone like that

TraintoManifeStation · 12/08/2025 18:16

I do get your point. The holiday had a purpose, for the blended family to meet yours and learn about your heritage.

If it was me and we were all round Auntie Mabel’s or something and my partner wandered off with one child and started taking photos in the garden ignoring everyone I’d be a bit miffed.

But going on holiday with grumpy teens, a golden child and a partner who can’t balance the needs and expectations of all the blended family ( I’m looking at both OP and the partner here) was always going to be a disaster.

HolidayInCambodia25 · 12/08/2025 18:03

My first thought reading your post was/is the potential for your partner to be grooming/abusing his 10 year old. I'd find it beyond creepy for an adult to be paying 1 child that much attention and in that way.

JWhipple · 12/08/2025 17:59

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:30

Yes his other child is a moody teen who he lives with full time. The 10 year old is his ‘baby’ and he sees him every other weekend- but more if he can.

so he feels the need to look after his baby and over compensate for not being there.

the moody teen beats up the 10 year old any chance he gets which is why DP tries to keep them apart.

that’s a dynamic that has never changed.

it was embarrassing for me being completely neglected by DP while on holiday.

A teenager regularly beats up a ten year old.
You are left looking after the teenager and your own children as the only adult.

Why on earth would you agree to this holiday, knowing the teenager is abusive to their sibling?!?

MyQuirkyTraybake · 12/08/2025 17:52

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 14:25

Thanks @MyQuirkyTraybake, I didn’t even particularly want couple time - I guess I felt I was showcasing my blended family for the first time, and it felt like he threw all of us under the bus and just had one priority.

I wanted us to feel like the proud parents managing our family- but we were completely separated and I just thought what is the actual point??

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Ahhh I understand you better now, thank you.

Without speaking to him you won't get an understanding of what his view is/how he saw this/what his behaviour meant.

It seems to me he doesn't see the blended family as you do. You wanted an "all in" situation where everyone was one unit and he wanted a one-on-one with his child, which just seems odd. He ignored 3 other people.

Is he selfish or uninterested in any other ways or is this a one off?

Defo worth a discussion to see what he was thinking. I don't even know how I'd broach it "During the holiday, you appeared to spend most of the time with W. I was expecting that, since it was a family trip, there might have been more focus on X, Y, and Z as well." and see what he responds?

Given that he was counting all the photos at night, he was aware he was getting to spend loads of time with W but was he aware he was ignoring everyone else?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/08/2025 14:54

HeroicFailure · 12/08/2025 14:33

The 14 year old is a moody teenager who probably gets annoyed when his father (whom he lives with FT) even breathes in his vicinity, far less tries to buddy up on holiday!

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To be fair this wasn’t clear from the actual OP but only came in an update.