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Original poster

AIBU to think DP hijacked my holiday

213 replies

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:11

We are a step family and this summer took DP and his children back to my home country to meet my extended family for the first time. It was the first time they’d been there, and the first time meeting my family members. So it was a big deal for me and them.

it was also our first holiday together in 3 years.

in the run up to it both DP and I had been stressed, but we’d actually had some good conversations and worked through it. And we were all looking forward to the holiday.

Well the issue is he made the holiday all about his son, and it really got to me.

it started on the plane. We’ve got two kids each - ranging from 10-14. We were all happy and excited. DP sat next to his son (10) and started doing selfies together and giggling through the whole flight. Would have thought kids could have sat together and us as a couple.

then at the resort all the kids ran off to play on the beach. I felt a moment of wellbeing, but one second later DP was off following his son around to get scenic shots of him on the beach.

anyway that continued all holiday. To an extreme extent. He took around 100 photos a day of his son (bear in mind he’s got 2 children- he completely neglected the other one)
he posted every night- and sometimes several times during the day to Facebook, instagram and his family WhatsApp chat. Photos of his son, his‘special boy’.
he never included any of the rest of us, or any mention of why we were there- to meet my family.

since we’ve been back he’s still posting unseen shots every day.

and now he’s making into a book.

am I right to be feeling massively left out??

the thing is I couldn’t work out what to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculous.

OP posts:
FatherFrosty · 13/08/2025 19:30

That poor teenage boy. No wonder he beats up everyone. He must feel like utter shite

AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere · 13/08/2025 19:28

I think some of the responses are a bit harsh here OP, though I can also see why people think the dynamic with the children is a bigger problem!

It is NOT unreasonable of you to think there would be more shared family moments or that he would put more effort into getting to know your family and where you come from, rather than all the focus being on one child!
I can understand him being a little more focused on the 10yr old he doesnt see as much, but not to the complete exclusion of you and his other child, moody teenager who doesnt want to join in, or not! They actual need more love and grace at this time in their development and even if they dont want to partake, they still need to feel like their parent(s) want them involved. It isnt any wonder he picks on his brother if the dad treats him like the golden child!

I would question whether to continue with this relationship from what you have said and please god dont have a child with someone who already has 2 kids with 2 different women. How come his eldest lives with you full time? Is his mum still in his life?

Buffs · 13/08/2025 19:21

I’d be bothered that your DP favoured one child over another however you wanting the trip to be more about you sounds a little spoilt. If you can’t accept that your DP’s children come first then maybe this isn’t the relationship for you.

PotatoLove · 13/08/2025 19:19

Firstly, there is no way I'd allow a teenager to beat up my child. That would've been nipped in the bud straightaway.

Secondly, it sounds like DP went way overboard with his younger DS, leaving the rest of you out. Very generous of your DP to pay for the holiday. Doesn't sound like DP really appreciated it imo.

LakotaWolf · 13/08/2025 19:16

I don’t think you can force him to live your dream of a holiday where he learns about your family and culture and history. That’s not really fair - if he’s not interested, he’s not interested.

However, that is the ONLY thing I’ll allow him. He’s a shite person in every other way, from what you’ve said.

You need to protect your OWN children. His child is literally abus!ng yours - physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally, just from what you’ve said. Your DP isn’t doing anything to help his own child (who IS struggling and suffering themselves, it sounds like) nor is he stopping his child from literally harming yours.

I feel sorry for DP’s older child, I truly do - but your children come first. Protecting them is your priority - and responsibility.

I’d have a “serious-business” chat with DP and lay down some absolute ground rules, but if he refuses outright or does nothing o help his poor teenager (and/or prevent said teenager from having a go at your DC) I’d bin him and the relationship entirely.

It sucks all around (and that 10-year-old is going to be utterly insufferable as an adult, I’ve seen this exact situation happen in my family with my cousins and have experienced the resulting insufferable adults firsthand) but the safety of your DC comes first, IMO.

MeridianB · 13/08/2025 19:06

He has shown you who he is. And that is someone who saw this as a holiday with son.

I hope he doesn’t live in your home.

YelloDaisy · 13/08/2025 18:51

How has his favouritism only just come to light?

Radiowaawaa · 13/08/2025 18:49

Do you live together?

hotchocandtwosmokybacon · 13/08/2025 18:49

You need to prioritise yourself and your kids. Maybe you actually didn’t need to take photos with your DP and his kids anyway because based on what you described, you might be better off reflecting whether your DP and his children add anything to your and your kids’ life

Nachoinseachthu · 13/08/2025 18:48

I know I’m only hearing one side of a whole story cube, but…

… he sounds awful.

Surely even your parents were disgruntled?

ForZanyAquaViewer · 13/08/2025 18:42

Ymiryboo · 13/08/2025 18:01

I thought the same! A teenager regularly beats up a
little kid, probably because he sees his dad adoring the boy and he’s getting nothing, and you (OP) are fine with that but not with him not giving you loads of attention? Christ on a rusty bike your priorities are off OP.

Show quote history

Thank you! This thread is nuts!

Nanny0gg · 13/08/2025 18:41

Is the older teen getting any help with his ADHD?

Why doesn't he stay with his mother ever?

Wall810 · 13/08/2025 18:40

I can’t understand why you didn’t say anything to him then or on return. Are you easily intimidated and worried about his reaction?

Mydadsbirthday · 13/08/2025 18:39

Own kids' wellbeing that should have said!

Mydadsbirthday · 13/08/2025 18:38

MzHz · 13/08/2025 18:32

He ruined your holiday, your kids holiday, and his older child’s holiday

on your parents dime.

end this. Make the decision for your kids and yourself

this was him supposedly trying to impress you/your family.

he couldn’t give a shit.

This.

Yet another thread about useless partners constantly letting women down. Women who have to have a man over prioritising their own wellbeing.

OP get rid of this absolute weirdo and free your kids from this totally damaging dynamic and focus on them.

Campingisnexttogodliness · 13/08/2025 18:37

Way too much drama. My exh had 3 dc to 2 different people.. Draining.. Absolutely draining..
His ds's took a massive back seat for his little princess...
The ds's dm stopped him seeing them. As did the other one as /when it suited. As in when he paid extra cms.. Absolute shit show and it was a huge relief getting rid of him and realising it meant not dc or exes to deal with ever again.
You won't regret ltb op.
Ime.

MzHz · 13/08/2025 18:32

He ruined your holiday, your kids holiday, and his older child’s holiday

on your parents dime.

end this. Make the decision for your kids and yourself

this was him supposedly trying to impress you/your family.

he couldn’t give a shit.

beAsensible1 · 13/08/2025 18:27

She said in the first post their ages were 10-14

and bizarre if he was bullying and beating him up why she didn’t just separate them. Parents need to sit with their children and manage their behaviour not leave all the kids to
do whatever and be a nuisance to everyone on a flight

If older 1 is a bully i can understand why dp would seperate the two and as he’s a teenager he would want to be left to explore anyway. I don’t understand why he would be left to bully your two as you had all this family and heritage stuff you were doing OP why weren’t your two with you?

Bournetilly · 13/08/2025 18:26

SporadicMincePieMuncher · 12/08/2025 12:26

Hang on.

  • the teen and the 10 year old have to be kept separated.
  • he is the only biological parent to the 10 year old who is on this holiday.
  • he doesn't see the 10 year old that much at home.

OF COURSE in this situation he should be the person who should take care of the 10 year old while you keep the teen out of the 10 year old's way. OF COURSE he's going to want to spoil his little boy that he doesn't see that often, and of course you're going to get less of his attention when his son who he doesn't live with is present. see It doesn't sound like it was ever going to be an idyllic family holiday anyway, if you have to keep the two kids away from each other. this is all pretty normal run of the mill parenting IMO.

The teen is OPs partners biological son too though, not OPs. Why should OP have to keep the teen out of the 10 year olds way?

Its probably best if the teen and 10 year old don’t holiday together, but the teen isn’t OPs responsibility.

porridgecake · 13/08/2025 18:22

It is good that you have found out what a bad situation this is now, rather than further down the road.

Whatonearth07957 · 13/08/2025 18:20

You need to protect your own child. DP is clearly very selfish. There is no blending or concern for you or your DS. I'd end this charade sooner rather than later and stop the passivity.

Alittlefeedbackwouldbenice · 13/08/2025 18:18

Strategies25 · 13/08/2025 09:54

Yes you’re right. I guess I’ve kind of got the jealousy of the 10yr old out of my system now. And realised that the issue was he left his older boy unattended to beat up on my son.

I guess it’s frustration with him just thinking of his needs. And not considering or caring at all about the impact on me and my children.

I guess these feelings weren’t clear to me at first which is why I fixated on being angry about the photos.

Show quote history

Can I just clarify here for a moment, you use the phrase 'beat up on my son'. Are we talking about one-sided physical violence here, or are you meaning it in a more? 'he's not nice to my son why'. Because you mention on your other thread that the older boy is 16, so I'm actually quite a bit older. It's very worrying if he is physically assaulting multiple people on a holiday, and I think it would be useful if you clarify if that's what you mean please.

Silvertulips · 13/08/2025 18:14

Why would you want to date a Disney dad - it’s not very attractive is it?

Trishyb10 · 13/08/2025 18:04

I can see that hubby is wanting to bond with the child he doesnt see and make memories,but in his eagerness tother child not been included, just discuss it with ihim, crazy for folk to suggest break ups etc

Pinkpeanut27 · 13/08/2025 18:02

It should be about the kids and you should be with yours . Is there any chance it’s the 14 yr old being left out by their dad ? Mine could have prefered to avoid that attention at this age and would catch up with us in some other way .
your step kids might be nervous of your extended family . Why are you not stepping in having fun with everyone and facilitating.
we never have any couples time on a family holiday