AIBU to think DP hijacked my holiday

Your resentment of his 'golden boy' will destroy your relationship even if you do move on from this holiday.

the moody teen beats up the 10 year old any chance he gets which is why DP tries to keep them apart.

What on earth the teen actually beats up the ten year old physically?

I can see why he d want to spoil his youngest than in that case. It sounds as if he tolerates a lot from his older sibling.

You are absolutely right he hijacked your family holiday to spend all of his - and your - time with his youngest child. In my opinion he was wrong to do that : I perfectly understand he loves his child and wants to make the most of the days they are together but this trip to present your new family to your parents was not the time nor the place. Your partner should've/could've taken his youngest child on a nice father&son outing, agreed on in advance by the boy's mother ánd you. Making the whole family rotate around his wishes is a serious red flag.

You said you are now thinking of ending the relationship.

Please do.

NO wonder why the eldest is horrible to the little one if this is how the dad behaves around them!
I feel for the eldest child

You both sound absolutely awful.

I agree. I can feel a spidey sense going off.

Your son is whom I feel really sorry for.
He has been very badly let down by you, that you tolerated this treatment of him on his holiday to visit HIS relatives.
Your son was visiting HIS family and your boyfriend and his children ruined it.

You need to find some real anger on behalf of your son.
Why did you tolerate him being bullied?.
That is on you.
This man couldn't care less about you, your son or his elder son.
What a joke that your parents paid for this fiasco.
Your poor son.
You need to rethink your priorities big time IMO.

Forgetting the issue of him having a golden child for a moment. You are allowing a teenager to beat up your son and your parents have noticed too and are uncomfortable with it.

You need to start thinking about your own child and not just feeling jealous of a 10 year old.

This sounds like a really unhealthy situation and I hope for your child's sake that you don't live together.

Blended families are really hard but this sounds especially tangled and difficult.
I’d high tail it out of there if I were you. Sounds like you’re coming from completely different places with different expectations.
is it worth it or would it be better just to concentrate on you and your kids?
I know what I’d do.

Sounds like you’re just there to childmind DP’s eldest child

I find it really bizarre that your partner has a favourite child and completely neglected the other child. It’s really sad tbh. I wouldn’t want someone who behaved like that in my life. You also had high hopes for your holiday together and he behaved carelessly and didn’t consider you in the way you hoped.

So you left your son with a teen who beats up other children? And you wanted the children to sit together whilst you and DP day together? Then you left your son to get beaten up the whole holiday by this boy, but you seem more concerned about being jealous of a ten year old? The Dad misses his son, he wants to spend time with him. This idea of blended families is not realistic. These children would never see each other again given half the chance. Your poor children are wondering why you didn't spend time with them alone and with your family instead of leaving them with a random team who beats them up.

You're dating a narc with an elderly scapegoat and a younger golden child. Get rid of him. I feel sorry for his poor children, but you and yours don't need to be exposed to this messed up shit.

This nails it.

He can’t even prioritise both his children let alone yours as well. You’re never going to be a truly blended family because he’s to obsessed with the one ‘special child’. Have you ever seen this behaviour before? If you have, get out now!

"the thing is I couldn’t work out what to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculous."
that's easy. say "bye bye" they will show you what they are like by their actions is an old saying. you are relying on his words but he has shown you how little you really matter. you are just useful.

Agreed. If the teen and 10 year old need kept apart at home due to teens behaviour, its madness to take them on holiday together.

You mentioned that your partner's sons don't get along. All the more reason for the Dad not to show favoritism to the youngest. I'm sure the older son resents Dad's obvious favorite and takes it out on him.

It all sounds quite bizarre. Does your partner not realise how stupid he is being?

His ten year old may grow into a moody teen before too long, I wonder how he will cope with that.

I would be seriously worried about a teenage boy who beats up younger children, that really is bad and needs to be addressed.

What did your family make of it all?

I think you'd be better off without this man and his children. It's an unhealthy situation.

@Strategies25 his older child plays up because he is jealous of the attention the 10yo gets. The Dad needs to stop that nonsense, not least because younger will end up as a spoilt brat and the oldest, feeling pushed out. I don’t think your DP
is that great if he can’t see what’s going on and I’d be considering ending it as well.

' I guess I felt I was showcasing my blended family for the first time,'

do you think you were trying to seek your parents'approval ?

are they not ' happy ' with the blending of families ?

Youre an adult, youve not been neglected. Grow up.

Not fully clear on his behavior, but reading your post sent up red flags for his son because it definitely reads as grooming behavior. Based on what you've written, I would hazard a guess that there is a much bigger issue and it has to do with child safety.

I recommend marital counseling with separate sessions. You need to talk about his behavior with the one child. And then he needs to speak to the therapist one on one and the therapist can decide if there needs to be a child wellness report made. Keep a diary, video it if you can. It reads like it is way too intensely focused to be harmless/normal. It was alarming to read.

Also is anyone helping his older son with his ADHD, cos adolescence with ADHD can absolute destroy a kids self-esteem and set them on a wrong foot for life, let alone with a parent who openly favours their sibling. No wonder the kid is acting out, it's not ok, but he likely cannot help it and needs more support than it sounds like he is getting!