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Original poster

AIBU to think DP hijacked my holiday

213 replies

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:11

We are a step family and this summer took DP and his children back to my home country to meet my extended family for the first time. It was the first time they’d been there, and the first time meeting my family members. So it was a big deal for me and them.

it was also our first holiday together in 3 years.

in the run up to it both DP and I had been stressed, but we’d actually had some good conversations and worked through it. And we were all looking forward to the holiday.

Well the issue is he made the holiday all about his son, and it really got to me.

it started on the plane. We’ve got two kids each - ranging from 10-14. We were all happy and excited. DP sat next to his son (10) and started doing selfies together and giggling through the whole flight. Would have thought kids could have sat together and us as a couple.

then at the resort all the kids ran off to play on the beach. I felt a moment of wellbeing, but one second later DP was off following his son around to get scenic shots of him on the beach.

anyway that continued all holiday. To an extreme extent. He took around 100 photos a day of his son (bear in mind he’s got 2 children- he completely neglected the other one)
he posted every night- and sometimes several times during the day to Facebook, instagram and his family WhatsApp chat. Photos of his son, his‘special boy’.
he never included any of the rest of us, or any mention of why we were there- to meet my family.

since we’ve been back he’s still posting unseen shots every day.

and now he’s making into a book.

am I right to be feeling massively left out??

the thing is I couldn’t work out what to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculous.

OP posts:
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ForJoyousPinkPoster · 16/08/2025 21:29

I think you sound jealous of a 10 year old boy! You say one big blended family- but then say things like Daddy’s little prince mocking him in an envious way towards the child! I don’t think it’s right how he ignored his other child, but I do think he was right to prioritise his child over you! Something feels off about your post, even with saying his older son is moody, if he is or isn’t, it just feels dismissive and cold! Im not sure we know the full story, especially if there were conversations between you both beforehand!

Soberinthecity · 14/08/2025 14:28

Rainbowqueeen · 12/08/2025 10:37

His dynamic with his kids is so messed up and so harmful to both children I’d have to walk away. I would want no part of that.

And you’re right, he also treated you badly. Time to end it

This 👆🏼 in a nutshell

bubmut · 14/08/2025 10:21

It's odd behaviour, with an odd choice of language about his son. I would be concerned

Snakebite61 · 14/08/2025 10:15

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:11

We are a step family and this summer took DP and his children back to my home country to meet my extended family for the first time. It was the first time they’d been there, and the first time meeting my family members. So it was a big deal for me and them.

it was also our first holiday together in 3 years.

in the run up to it both DP and I had been stressed, but we’d actually had some good conversations and worked through it. And we were all looking forward to the holiday.

Well the issue is he made the holiday all about his son, and it really got to me.

it started on the plane. We’ve got two kids each - ranging from 10-14. We were all happy and excited. DP sat next to his son (10) and started doing selfies together and giggling through the whole flight. Would have thought kids could have sat together and us as a couple.

then at the resort all the kids ran off to play on the beach. I felt a moment of wellbeing, but one second later DP was off following his son around to get scenic shots of him on the beach.

anyway that continued all holiday. To an extreme extent. He took around 100 photos a day of his son (bear in mind he’s got 2 children- he completely neglected the other one)
he posted every night- and sometimes several times during the day to Facebook, instagram and his family WhatsApp chat. Photos of his son, his‘special boy’.
he never included any of the rest of us, or any mention of why we were there- to meet my family.

since we’ve been back he’s still posting unseen shots every day.

and now he’s making into a book.

am I right to be feeling massively left out??

the thing is I couldn’t work out what to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculous.

He sounds unhinged.

Caroparo52 · 14/08/2025 09:52

Wow. That sounds totally immature hurtful and selfish. Not great qualities in a dp. Tome for a big rethink about the future op?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 14/08/2025 09:26

MzHz · 13/08/2025 18:32

He ruined your holiday, your kids holiday, and his older child’s holiday

on your parents dime.

end this. Make the decision for your kids and yourself

this was him supposedly trying to impress you/your family.

he couldn’t give a shit.

this.

Plus

"his teen harassed and bullied my son the whole flight. But DP absolutely didn’t care because his golden boy was safe with him."

His attitude seems to be that you and your family are there to be useful to him. When you say he didn't care.. is that because you asked him to stop the Teen? Or he could clearly see what was going on but couldn't be bothered to interrupt his time with favoured child?
If so he is just a user.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/08/2025 09:00

I do think this would be a deal-breaker.

He isn't parenting his older son adequately to deal with his issues. ADHD doesn't mean it's ok to be violent. In a few years that teen will be a man and a man with anger issues and violent tendencies isn't something we should just shrug our shoulders at.

He isn't parenting his younger son adequately, he's turning him into a spoilt child who thinks the world owes him.

He isn't co-parenting your child or even asking as a responsible adult to your child because he's using him as a sacrificial lamb.

He isn't being a good husband because he isn't interested in being a blended family. He got a free holiday with his favourite child.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/08/2025 08:45

I can't believe you're more concerned about yourself than your other step child.

cramptramp · 14/08/2025 08:01

I cannot understand why you haven’t said anything to him about it. That’s very odd.

Coconutter24 · 14/08/2025 07:08

Doubledenim305 · 13/08/2025 22:44

Nah, taking a hundred photos a day of his son, whilst totally ignoring his wife is what's weird and obviously has upset her.

Show quote history

It’s not weird to prioritise a young child over a grown up adult acting jealous

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 03:54

Strategies25 · 13/08/2025 10:06

Thank you @DuckbilledSplatterPuffthis clarifies the issue exactly!

the plane situation I just mentioned to demonstrate it was from the very first moment of the trip to the end.

but now I think about it, his teen harassed and bullied my son the whole flight. But DP absolutely didn’t care because his golden boy was safe with him. So the impact of his other son on my children was of no concern to him.

he was just glad it was keeping his teen away from his golden boy.

Show quote history

I couldn't be bothered with this man, at all. I'd be gone.

PinkyFlamingo · 14/08/2025 03:50

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 10:31

I wanted to talk to him about it but couldn’t work out what to say that wouldn’t sound like telling him not to take pictures of his son.

Show quote history

Oh you could have said something!!

freerangethighs · 14/08/2025 02:54

It sounds like he isn't parenting either child properly. Why on earth does he only see the 10yo once every two weeks??!! Poor child (and poor mum); Disney dadding on holiday on someone else's dime isn't going to make up for all that lost time and parenting. And of course he has to stop the 14yo from physically attacking other children, his or yours or complete strangers. He's the only parent that child has on the trip. I'd be really put off by his behaviour, both the bad parenting and the being weird and rude to/in front of your family, and I would tell him how I'm feeling because I'd be reconsidering the relationship completely.

Also, can you explain what you mean by since we’ve been back he’s still posting unseen shots every day and now he’s making into a book? Unless he's already an established author or photographer, I'm not sure how many people are going to be interested in a book about a ten year old on the beach in some country he has no connection to and doesn't even engage with the culture at all, but I suppose he can self-publish.

angelfacecuti75 · 13/08/2025 23:45

Maybe they should go on holiday on their own once or twice a year...maybe a break away somewhere and then u go on separate holidays?
I realise you feel left out but holidays with kids dont tend to be relaxing ...they are all about the kids & are typically hard work . It's natural that he is excited as he doesn't see the 10 year old.
I think you have just gotta come out and say ot regarding dad's behaviour. You definitely need to pull up your teen on the beating up thing too.

Namechange2700000 · 13/08/2025 23:34

I think you are both utterly ridiculous.

summerjumper · 13/08/2025 22:48

I think perhaps he made a big fuss of the younger boy because he doesn’t see him as often. I think you had a completely different expectation about the trip/holiday by comparison to your partner. It does sound as if he was taking loads of photos to probably annoy his ex and show her what a marvellous time they were having together. He didn’t think about your needs at all and he seems emotionally unavailable. He’s perhaps deeply insecure. I think he may be gaslighting you. I would consider running for the hills as he’ll probably only get worse, not better.

Winter2020 · 13/08/2025 22:44

Strategies25 · 12/08/2025 19:00

Yes I guess it was ‘business as usual’ to be honest.

he is a really good dad to his teen on the whole. He bends over backwards for him on a daily basis. He can’t have his two kids together though- so he was definitely trying to protect his‘baby’ with the golden boy routine.

the 10year old absolutely loves it and walks around like ‘I’m daddy’s little prince’ totally sick making at all times.
Teen has really bad adhd, and basically just poured all his energies onto my son - which was way too much for my son to handle. My mum was really concerned about it.

I tried to ask DP to spend some time with older teen so my child could play freely. But he reacted really badly- then doubled down on siphoning off‘golden boy’.

upshot is I’m now considering ending it all.

You don't sound like you like either child so it's certainly better for them if you don't become their step mum.

Doubledenim305 · 13/08/2025 22:44

Coconutter24 · 12/08/2025 13:48

Why for making the most of the time he is spending with his son that he usually sees every other weekend…. Yeh what a weirdo 🤦‍♀️

Show quote history

Nah, taking a hundred photos a day of his son, whilst totally ignoring his wife is what's weird and obviously has upset her.

Eenameenadeeka · 13/08/2025 22:42

It initially reads like you are jealous of the 10 year old which is odd, and I don't think he was at all unreasonable for sitting beside his child on the plane, or taking photos of his child. (The unequal treatment is concerning when thinking of the wellbeing of the children, though different ages and having very different amounts of time with Dad probably has a big part in that) It sounds terrible though that his children can't interact nicely (that's really not normal) and I'd be annoyed that he wasn't managing the older one if they were being mean to your child. I wouldn't expect lots of attention on me from my husband when we holiday with our children, which is what it sounds like you expected.

MarthaBeach · 13/08/2025 22:23

ScartlettSole · 13/08/2025 19:53

Youre an adult, youve not been neglected. Grow up.

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Why does the OP need to 'grow up'? You would take your partner and stepchildren to meet your family for the first time in years, and not be disappointed if your DP showed zero interest in your family and culture? And this after the OP's PARENTS PAID FOR IT!

OP your partner sounds self-centred, insensitive and a crap father, including to the 'golden child'.

EastGrinstead · 13/08/2025 22:22

Yes you’re right. I guess I’ve kind of got the jealousy of the 10yr old out of my system now. And realised that the issue was he left his older boy unattended to beat up on my son.#

WTAF!

GRex · 13/08/2025 22:20

Strategies25 · 13/08/2025 10:06

Thank you @DuckbilledSplatterPuffthis clarifies the issue exactly!

the plane situation I just mentioned to demonstrate it was from the very first moment of the trip to the end.

but now I think about it, his teen harassed and bullied my son the whole flight. But DP absolutely didn’t care because his golden boy was safe with him. So the impact of his other son on my children was of no concern to him.

he was just glad it was keeping his teen away from his golden boy.

Show quote history

Firstly you talked about attention, then said "beat up" and now "his teen harassed and bullied my son the whole flight". So what you're saying is that you've moved a new family into your home with someone who attacks your child, is that right? Why the fuck would you do that? You should worry about protecting your child, not how many photos are taken of you.

Pistachiocake · 13/08/2025 22:19

Eyesopenwideawake · 12/08/2025 10:14

That poor other child.

I thought that. TBH that would bother me more than him neglecting me. It might be ok if he's not taking photos of the other child if they said no-sometimes one of your kids hates photos, and the other likes them, age can be a factor too. Or is it that he thinks one isn't his kid? Maybe far-fetched, but unless there's an age gap/one had particular needs/is going through something (and even then, focusing only on one can be problematic), it seems odd.

Horses7 · 13/08/2025 22:14

No wonder teen beats up her brother - your P is an idiot, would be a dealbreaker for me.

Apocketfilledwithposies · 13/08/2025 22:13

Well it sounds like it was an eye opener and has made you reassess things which I think is wise. Your mum noticing must have been embarassing but I'm sure she will be supportive that she would want you to be happy.

It sounds really extreme how he showers one child with all that OTT attention and adoration, neglects the older one AND let the older one annoy your child without a care in the world about it as long as his youngest was happy. What a tool!

You all deserve better than he is capable of emotionally from the sounds of things.