DH giving me the ick **trigger warning sexual abuse**

Has the same issues but not with child hood abuse. He used to constantly touch me I told him to stop and eventually I use to shout at him to stop he needs to know boundary

Based on your comment about your ages, etc. I don't think the SA has clouded your judgement. He preyed on you and took advantage of you. And he's still trying to. Your judgement is accurate and thankfully you're able to see the SA for what it is. It's really difficult to see abuse for what it is, especially when it starts as a child and you can do that. That's the hardest part. Trust yourself on this and prioritize what you need. Look at your future and what you could do with it instead of continuing to endure this. You could do some very healing things, meet new people, start new hobbies and thrive in ways you never new existed. Can you tell I'm a survivor? I promise it's immeasurably more fulfilling to live alone than with someone who uses your body. Don't do that thing where you look at all the time you wasted with him and try to figure out a way to save it or change him. You know when its abuse there's no changing, except for the worse. Look instead at the years ahead and asknyourself what it would look like if you were truly thriving with your whole self. It's a mountain to climb but you'll be on a path with a lot of other incredible survivors like yourself, and it's a pretty amazing place to be. You had the cognition and the heart to write this post so I know you have what it takes to move above this situation. 💪💕 Just remember that the most dangerous time for a woman is when she's leaving an abusive man, so even if he's never been physically violent outside the SA behavior, please talk to your local domestic violence groups or family who can help buffer you and make sure you're safe, preferably a safehouse or other location that's unknown to him 💪💕

You need to get out

Be strong and know you can be made to be loved and not be mauled

Yes, it's difficult if a couple have mismatched sex drives.

But men who seek out partners who are basically still children half their age and who they know suffered CSA ...

Who have zero compassion or empathy for what was suffered ...

Dismiss it with belittling language ...

And pester and persist and grope and sulk ...

Why doesn't he work? Add to that the fact that you are the one who goes out to work while he doesn't and are exhausted by it ...

Ugh.

Yes men like this disgust me. I've had very sexually demanding relationships and ended up also not wanting to hug them because it's going to lead somewhere. Ultimately how they behave, we end up putting more of a barrier up... which is the opposite to what they want!! It frustrates me that they can't see what they're doing (or don't care and simply keep trying).

I've ended up feeling that's all they want me for, not being able to relax properly in my home or sex that goes on forever I've ended relationships over. We shouldn't feel like someone's sex object.

He needs educating- enthusiastic consent does not come from constantly hassling you for sex.

Why doesn’t he work? Probably spends all day porning!

Do you really want your children being raised in an environment where their dad is sexually harassing their mum? This is not normal and not OK. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this for so long.

The way he’s treating you and your trauma is absolutely disgusting and vile. Anyone deserves better than that, leave him.

Really really gently OP you were fragile and very young and he was a predator and took advantage of you. Victims of sexual abuse can go to another abusive relationship unfortunately . His behaviour isn’t normal

No man should act like this if their wife won’t sleep with them.

Have you been to counselling? Seriously consider your circumstances and soeak to someone. Nothing here sounds good.

I wish you all the very best and am sorry for what you have experienced. What your OH is giving you isn’t love and you need to know your worth.

This. What a prince amongst men! I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this OP.

Why doesn’t he work? And yes. He shouldn’t have been targeted a vulnerable 18yr old.

You need women’s aid and the freedom programme. The childhood abuse eft you vulnerable to another abusive man, I’m sorry. Not your fault. Not your mistake. But yes- not good.

My ex was like this, I hated it, very off putting and you should be able to hug and be loving without him always turning it into proposition for sex. I couldn't cope with this again, my ex didn't see that he was the problem, and thankfully he is very much out of my life.
OP you have my sympathy, awful situation.

That's creepy. A 33 year old shouldnt be preying on girls not long out of school.

And as for the constant groping, thats awful, totally not normal, and sexual abuse.

That would more than give me the ick. It would make my skin crawl and I'd leave.

I don't think you made a huge mistake, he was probably drawn to you because you were vulnerable because of being young and your previous abuse. You can't change the past. But you're now seeing that there is an issue with how he treats you. He sounds abusive. What would be a mistake would be not to listen to that inner voice of yours that says no he's wrong, I deserve better. Please talk to someone like Women's Aid. Your next 20 years don't have to be like your last.

You need to sit him down and have a proper discussion. With a big table between you.

Sorry OP, no he's not a good person. How dare he tell you that. You overcame child sexual abuse, that makes you an incredibly strong person. Please talk to someone like Women's Aid, how he treats you is not ok and you (and your children) deserve so much better than him.

Please get help. You don’t have to put up with this. It’s coercive. It’s assault. There’s no consent when you’re afraid to say no because of the repercussions.

I can empathise with you OP. I’m sorry you are having to cope with this abuse.

My late ex-husband was what I now know to be, a “sex pest.” It was an absolute nightmare and I wish I’d been able to label it back all those years ago like we can now.

I also understand more about marital rape now . There was no such thing back then, or at least, not labelled or discussed like lots of things are now.

It’s so fkng wearing, harassing and tedious and was part of other issues which destroyed our marriage. It wore me down, it exhausted me and I gave it too many years of my life.

Don’t waste too much time hoping he will change. In my experience, he won’t.

Having your experiences of SA weaponised against you to manipulate you into having sex. Bleak, grim, not OK. The clearer you can articulate this to him the better. And then stick to your guns.

He sounds abusive and repulsive.
20 years he has been abusing you?
I think you need to speak to a domestic abuse charity.
Coercive sex is rape, is a crime.

Reach out for support.
You don't have to tolerate this.

That makes it even worse that he’s trying to blame you!!

He does sound like a sex pest and I wouldn’t like it either.