DH giving me the ick **trigger warning sexual abuse**

Tell him anyone would be 'funny about sex' if they were married to a sex pest like him

He's revolting

I'd normally agree but in this case I think it's become so normalised for the OP that she genuinely didn't realise how seriously wrong it is.

Oh OP. I am so sorry that you are going through this BUT I'm also so happy that the scales are starting to fall from your eyes. To be clear, this man has been sexually and financially abusing you for a long time. I suspect that you'll find he's also been emotionally manipulative/controlling/abusive (how much of what you do/say/go/wear/eat etc is becuase that's the way HE prefers it?).

Are you actually married? That might impact things even like getting him out of the house.

My advice is to call Womens Aid in the first instance. You need to be signposted to the RIGHT resources. If your name is the only one on the tenancy, that's great, but if you're married, I'm not sure what the process is.

Similarly, will he claim he has been the children's primary carer? Because that is going to impact things (I suspect he's NEVER been the primary carer, notwithstanding not working, but....). So you'll need to speak with a solicitor to get advice.

I think that this comment here is your answer. Leave this vile man and start again. You're young, there's so much happiness out there for you ❤️

Op also to say please don’t be hard on yourself or feel bad about causing this situation. You haven’t and it’s amazing you are seeing it! It is so extremely common that abused children can end up in some version of an abusive relationship. Children get conditioned to expect love on someone else’s terms and that sex is expected and demanded. They become passive and submissive to protect themselves. An abusive man will then step in and pick up the reigns and carry on. Hence the life long impacts of child abuse…
But you don’t have to put up with this! You are so brave and your heart is right to realise this isn’t normal. X

I don’t think you’re being weird. I had an ex like you DH and it made me think I had a really low sex drive and am possibly asexual… turns out I’m not I just don’t like pushy handsy men! I would say I actually have a high sex drive when I’m not under duress! I don’t think this is to do with you expecting abuse to be honest - it seems pretty normal to be put off by sexual harassment even if it’s from your husband.

I am so sorry you are going through this. From
all your posts put together he doesn’t sound good. He harasses you for sex and sulks, has been physical with you in past, and doesn’t contribute financially. To me I would split up as I think now you sound like you are ready to!

But if you can’t leave him right now please get counselling and try work on your self esteem. You sound lovely and normal and he sounds crap and abusive tbh. And please focus on improving things for yourself. If he sulks fuck him. It’s childish and as you would ignore a child tantrums ignore his. But have a word with him and clearly put your boundaries in place. You may have to keep doing this. Spell it out. If you keep hugging me and groping me you totally put me off sex and I won’t be doing it. If he says you’re weird, other women would love it, you should be grateful, you used to like it etc etc - tell him well you don’t care about other women, you don’t like it and it’s putting you off him and sex so he needs to change it. If he gropes you that day and you don’t want sex - no sex. If he sulks - ignore him and enjoy the peace!

If he is physical again call police if he won’t leave. I’m so sorry you went through this x

Financially he sounds like a total drain. I’m not sure you can fix this. But can you start trying to get your finances organised as much as possible away from his. Open a separate account you never tell him about etc.

Op I really hope you leave him! But if you can’t right now please know this isn’t you and yes he has conditioned you to accept his abnormal shit after meeting you at an extremely vulnerable time. It’s not you! I’m so sorry and hope you are as ok as can be x

It's not you, it's him but you can take control back by ending the relationship. It will be hard at times but you will come out the other side with a weight off your shoulders.

I was married to a similar man for close on 25 years. Striking out on my own was terrifying, I put it off for so many years and when I eventually did it I didn't do it in a planned way so was chaotic for a time but it was still the best thing I ever did.

....and a divorce lawyer next to her.

I was a lesbian apparently because I didn't want sex multiple times a day.

Huge congratulations for having the strength to see this for what it is and choosing to do something about it for you and your kids.
This man is an abusive, sponging, creepy, sex pest … get rid and welcome to your new life ✊🏻

I had one of these. A vile, disgusting, abusive animal. I was assaulted regularly and it's changed how I feel about the world. I don't date anymore because I don't trust my judgement and only feel safe alone. The horrors that go on behind closed doors are terrifying.

OP, please get help and get rid of this man. It will not improve and it will never end. He likes abusing you. Even if it stopped tomorrow could you really stay with him after this history of abuse?

Now that you are waking up to your situation, you can work towards freeing yourself. He probably won't go easily but you can and will do this. You will be strong enough with the right information and support. ❤

Holy crap! He doesn’t respect you at all. It sounds like you were an easy target. I’m so sorry. Do you have any support in real life?

He is not a nice man and never was. Urgh, the very thought of being in the same post code as this entitled, manipulative arsehole makes my skin crawl.

You have my sympathy but please can we stop using the term ‘the ick’? It trivialises and infantilises the situatio, in my opinion.

Women's aid will be able to support you to separate safety and should advise on occupation orders or non molestation orders if needed.
It sounds like he doesn't value you as a person, he just sees you as someone who should look after him and be available for sex when ever he wants it. Does he harass you in front of your children?
Good luck, you are still young and have a great life to look forward to.

I’m so sorry you are going through this, he sounds unbelievably vile for all the reasons outlined by PP above. I hope you can get some good advice and move on from this ASAP. Remember you will be ensuring your children don’t grow up to see this appalling behaviour as normal and that’s a wonderful gift to give them.

OP he has taken advantage of your good kind nature left right and centre. It's not your fault, and you don't have to put up with it any more. You sound very capable so how about making a plan for a new life?

Get rid of him. He's an abusive sponger.

Why doesn’t he work?

He chose a relationship with you because you were obviously vulnerable. He is a sex pest and and has been abusive. You have said that he doesn't work. Does he make any financial contribution to the household?

If it's just your name on the tenancy, please speak to your landlord and see whether they will change the locks so that you can kick him out.

Speak to a domestic abusve charity for advice on leaving him safely.

You're the tenant, not him.
You're the worker, earner, pension holder, not him.
I imagine you're the bill payer, not him.

See a solicitor to find out your rights and responsibilities as a married person. Ask them if he can be required to leave.

And consider being the one who leaves and setting up in a new home.

But rereading your post-

He’s been physically abusive before.
He sexually assaults you routinely and regularly despite being asked to stop.
He has refused to leave your home.

I think I’d go to the police.

Thank goodness the tenancy is in your name.

Have you approached women’s aid, or similar?

I believe you can ring the police if he refuses to leave. It may be helpful to inform your landlord so that they aren’t caught out by him claiming to have ‘locked himself out’.

If it’s rented through an agency, you could ask them- it must be really common, they will have dealt with it before.