SIL coming on family celebration holiday without her husband. (MNHQ update at OP's request) Now everyone is chatting in their own language and excluding me.

Timedifference · 2025-08-11T19:26:11+00:00

So, a few of us are going away to celebrate a big birthday. SIL is coming without her husband cos he doesn't like flying and the birthday boy has picked an overseas destination. We go on Thursday. I found out today she's coming. She tends to monopolise my DH when she's with him - ive got a horrible feeling she'll be whispering in his ear most of the time. I hope im wrong. AIBU to not look forward to this break anymore? I don't want her to be lonely but she fusses over him like hes a child and I get shoved to one side.

Original poster

Timedifference · 20/08/2025 21:00

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 20/08/2025 19:58

@Timedifference have you thought of buying language translator ear buds???

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/shopping?q=tbn:ANd9GcT2ATaKl_Tbcppq-Hw1_XNNoEvGMgajOtAM3zCWr7qzc_cRInXE1xTrSuTyfbS0FFtSu4Voe38ia34cPN4ObyOhzdJgNa4u30gY39mv6LhHXO_wdOuZGoAb

Edited

I love this!! Thanks.

OP posts:

Original poster

Timedifference · 20/08/2025 20:59

Its Greek and all rhe nieces/nephews are excluded too cos they dont understand enough Greek.

OP posts:

AmusedLilacBalonz · 20/08/2025 19:59

How long have you been married OP? Are your children bilingual or are they also excluded from conversations?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 20/08/2025 19:58

@Timedifference have you thought of buying language translator ear buds???

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/shopping?q=tbn:ANd9GcT2ATaKl_Tbcppq-Hw1_XNNoEvGMgajOtAM3zCWr7qzc_cRInXE1xTrSuTyfbS0FFtSu4Voe38ia34cPN4ObyOhzdJgNa4u30gY39mv6LhHXO_wdOuZGoAb

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 20/08/2025 19:45

Phobiaphobic · 20/08/2025 19:34

Yeah, speaking another language in front of you is just fucking rude. They're deliberately excluding you.

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But op could understand if she bothered to learn her dhs family language, like they've all learned English!

Phobiaphobic · 20/08/2025 19:34

CharlotteStreetW1 · 11/08/2025 20:42

Oh I wouldn't be having that. I would just say "In English please" every time (or better still secretly learn their language yourself 🤭).

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Yeah, speaking another language in front of you is just fucking rude. They're deliberately excluding you.

dreamingbohemian · 20/08/2025 19:27

You can't ask a whole family not to speak their native language, it is simply not the same if they are forced to speak English.

But you are not wrong about the walk, just say youre not feeling well enough to go which you would have told them if they'd asked.

Vastimir · 20/08/2025 19:17

Who is birthday boy? Their brother?

If everyone else speaks the same mother tongue, you are being unreasonable OP, sorry. But it sounds like the real issue is not getting on with your husband, not the language or the SIL.

AgingWellThankYou · 20/08/2025 19:13

Givenupshopping · 11/08/2025 20:47

Tell your DH that the minute he starts conversing with his sister in their own language, you feel excluded, and it makes you unhappy, so please can he refrain from doing it. If he then goes ahead and does it anyway, you'd have every right to make a fuss.

As for his sister, just don't let her push in, if you want his attention, make sure YOU are the one who gets it, you wouldn't let another woman push in, would you, so don't let her.

It is a little more complicated than that in my opinion.

Consistently talking another language in front of you is rude. But if someone objected to me talking to my own family in my native language would be annoying fast.

Talking to my own parents or siblings in to them a foreign language (even if they speak it well) does not lend itself to natural conversation. It can be tricky to navigate as a family.

Have you made any effort to learn at least a few phrases of your husbands’s language OP? Have you talked to him about how to manage/balance it? Maybe work some time for the two of them to catch up one on one in the schedule, then group activities where of course you speak the common language.

BlankBlankBlank14 · 20/08/2025 19:03

Timedifference · 11/08/2025 20:56

Hes booked this break cos I said im not booking another holiday where you work every day.
I checked the plane seats and hes booked the seats going but not coming back! So we've got middle seats on a long flight. Not good for me.

Bc an he book return seats yet?

DaisyChain505 · 20/08/2025 19:00

ShoeeMcfee · 20/08/2025 18:44

Presumably her DH is perfectly fluent in English, as are the other members of his family.

They made plans from which she was excluded and ordered her to participate.

I'd leave it while you're away , but I'd be having a serious conversation with my DH upon our return, OP. It is rude to chat in another language which excludes a member of the group and it is rude to organise things without talking to you about it.

But did they “order” her to participate or is that just the OP viewing things in her dramatic, having an issue with everything way?

”we’ve have a group walking tour booked for 12pm today with everyone.”

isn’t the same as

”we have a group walking tour booked for 12pm today with everyone and you will attend whether you like it or not.”

CruCru · 20/08/2025 18:46

I can see the OP’s point. Sure, she could learn the language but, in the meantime, everyone is sitting around talking to each other in Greek / Albanian while knowing that the OP can’t understand a word. It’s weird to collectively decide on an activity without making sure that everyone understands what the plan is.

ShoeeMcfee · 20/08/2025 18:44

Presumably her DH is perfectly fluent in English, as are the other members of his family.

They made plans from which she was excluded and ordered her to participate.

I'd leave it while you're away , but I'd be having a serious conversation with my DH upon our return, OP. It is rude to chat in another language which excludes a member of the group and it is rude to organise things without talking to you about it.

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 20/08/2025 18:37

Dontlletmedownbruce · 20/08/2025 17:25

You seriously never learned your husband's language?

How would you like it if he came to your house and insisted your chats to your Mum are translated for his benefit? You and all your family sitting around speaking poor quality foreign languages because he refused to learn English. Would that be a acceptable to you?

This precisely!

Clychaugog · 20/08/2025 17:32

Wow! The entitlement of monoglot English!

Dontlletmedownbruce · 20/08/2025 17:25

You seriously never learned your husband's language?

How would you like it if he came to your house and insisted your chats to your Mum are translated for his benefit? You and all your family sitting around speaking poor quality foreign languages because he refused to learn English. Would that be a acceptable to you?

Original poster

Timedifference · 20/08/2025 17:25

Hi Enigma.
Birthday Boy is oblivious to this.
I forgot to say it was a tour-walk - ticket apparently paid for in advance.
Apologies for the drip-feed.

OP posts:

Maddy70 · 20/08/2025 17:21

Timedifference · 20/08/2025 16:46

But they all speak English.
They live in London!

Its 35 degrees.
Out late last night.
Out again tonight.

Ive said I get a headache from the sun & heat & need to be in the shade from.12 till 2.

You were invited, you declined. You don't have to walk in the heat fine you don't have to. Why the sulking now?

AnnaMagnani · 20/08/2025 17:14

I would also have a massive issue with a walk between 12 and 2 in 35 degree heat.

I'd have an even bigger issue with my DH for being so stupid as to go along with it despite knowing I'd find it impossible.

Enigma53 · 20/08/2025 17:13

HumphreyCobblers · 20/08/2025 17:10

I wouldn't go for a walk at midday in 35 degree heat.

Me neither. Utter madness.

HumphreyCobblers · 20/08/2025 17:10

I wouldn't go for a walk at midday in 35 degree heat.

Enigma53 · 20/08/2025 17:06

Crikey OP, it sounds like you are having a right time of it ( wherever you are).

Who is the “ birthday boy”?

Is he having fun at least?

Original poster

Timedifference · 20/08/2025 17:01

We're in a European country- not their home country.
I was told, not asked, be ready for a walk.
They could speak English for that command.

OP posts:

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 20/08/2025 16:59

DaisyChain505 · 20/08/2025 16:54

I’ll repeat….. you sound awkward and like you have an issue with everything.

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Are they dragging you along? Are you currently in their home country? @Timedifference ?

DaisyChain505 · 20/08/2025 16:54

Timedifference · 20/08/2025 16:46

But they all speak English.
They live in London!

Its 35 degrees.
Out late last night.
Out again tonight.

Ive said I get a headache from the sun & heat & need to be in the shade from.12 till 2.

I’ll repeat….. you sound awkward and like you have an issue with everything.