To leave DH if he loses his second job in three years?

The problem I see is, what if they treat each comment as a separate ' offence ' ?thus he could end up with 1 verbal warning, 2 written warning and that could in total mean dismissal.

The problem I see is, what if they treat each comment as a separate ' offence ' ?thus he could end up with 1 verbal warning, 2 written warning and that could in total mean dismissal.

Apologies for the lack of updates.

I sensed my H was hiding something as he was reluctant to share the hearing pack with me. Eventually I was able to look at it and it’s grim reading and not entirely as he told me.

It has comments in quotation marks, there’s something about saying to a colleague that suffocating under her bum wouldn’t be a bad way to ‘go’ if he had to choose. The manager he said is strict is lesbian and there was a comment about her owning a lot of strap on toys to choose from to punish him.

There is one other comment that he didn’t touch upon at all with me originally which is about a third colleague and he basically says something about her dressing for their office as if she’s gagging for it. It wasn’t made to her directly but reported by another man.

He has now turned from ‘it’ll be a slap on the wrist’ to ‘maybe a verbal warning, but nothing more’.

I am disgusted by what I read, I’ve gone ballistic at him and he just keeps saying he won’t drink at work events any more, he hasn’t actually apologised to me!

Apologies for the lack of updates.

I sensed my H was hiding something as he was reluctant to share the hearing pack with me. Eventually I was able to look at it and it’s grim reading and not entirely as he told me.

It has comments in quotation marks, there’s something about saying to a colleague that suffocating under her bum wouldn’t be a bad way to ‘go’ if he had to choose. The manager he said is strict is lesbian and there was a comment about her owning a lot of strap on toys to choose from to punish him.

There is one other comment that he didn’t touch upon at all with me originally which is about a third colleague and he basically says something about her dressing for their office as if she’s gagging for it. It wasn’t made to her directly but reported by another man.

He has now turned from ‘it’ll be a slap on the wrist’ to ‘maybe a verbal warning, but nothing more’.

I am disgusted by what I read, I’ve gone ballistic at him and he just keeps saying he won’t drink at work events any more, he hasn’t actually apologised to me!

I thought they were a bloke!

I don’t think it’s an issue having had 2 jobs in 3 years and being dismissed if the culture at the company was toxic. However the issue in my opinion is that it’s because of what he’s saying to females on work socials! Best to avoid the work socials!

Amazing, isn't it. The internalized misogyny is off the charts with replies like this.

Nonsense. They didn't report it because they knew nothing would be done about it, and it's not "banter." It's sexual harassment. Did you read her posts where she quotes the vile things he actually said?
Amazing that anyone still dismisses this in 2025. Time moves on and things change. Get used to it.

You probably know Mumsnet is going to pearl clutch and side with you. Tbh this sort of banter used to be standard male banter when I was younger working in a professional field. No one was that sensitive or didn’t report people in those days. It depends if he is generally nice person or mean to you. Was he drunk? Is he a general womaniser? I would be more bothered about loosing work than the words. We don’t really know him I guess you do. Sounds like your marriage is on the rocks anyway.

I made an account just to comment on this.

I was the woman that stayed. I even married him. Had two babies by him. Multiple jobs and a decade later he became abusive. He r#ped me when I was postpartum with the second. Then in 2021 I asked for a divorce after he lost two jobs in 8 months because of the same behaviour as your husband (as far as he told me.) in early 2022 he attacked me and was arrested.

A week later I found out that he had recently (without my knowledge) been convicted of sexually assaulting one of the women he managed in one of the jobs he lost. He is still on the register.

My personal opinion, drop him. BUT, do so in a very careful and coordinated way. Plan, plan, plan. The divorce took two years and the family court proceedings are still going 3.5 years later. Tell a close friend/family member what he has done now (these men thrive on secrecy) and see if you can get evidence of his behaviour as it makes life easier should you ever end up in a situation like mine. Document everything and ensure important documents are kept elsewhere. Research divorce and children's act solicitors.

When my ex realised I was no longer in his grip, he turned really nasty so you must be careful.

I wish this was just scaremongering and not my lived experience, but from the extensive reading I have done in the last 3 years, this is now a pattern of behaviour and it tends to escalate.

I have never heard the term chaos maker but it fits my exH perfectly. He couldn’t hang onto a job for more than a few months. Nothing to do with other women, if he didn’t like it he engineered a situation and left (usually before being dismissed). He did this when I was on maternity and just after we moved. I was only married to him 2.5 years. Whirlwind romance, I didn’t know what he was like. The humiliation and financial strain was dreadful. Please leave

😂😂😂

@Joness2 Have faith and do not rush to leave your husband. You are panicking over something which may result in rash decision-making. Maybe your DH has been foolish or perhaps a bit selfish but you need to have a serious chat using questions not making accusations, digging up the past or making statements that result in him switching off whilst your talking. You promised to stand by him through the tough times as well as the good and although you may feel he hasn't supported you in the way you hoped he would, this does not sound deliberate but more like drunken remarks that are inappropriate. He has not committed a crime but I wonder if your DH truly understands what he's done including how it has made you feel. Please don't forget any times when he has supported you. People on Mumsnet may disagree with my advice but you, your child and DH are the ones that will have to live with the consequences of your decisions.

So you want to leave him just because he is having a disciplinary action at work.. is it really that simple for you to just walk out of relationship or are you using that as an excuse? You have already declared him guilty. Last job was 3 yrs ago and you are still holding on it. Its not like he gets in trouble every week or something. I cant believe ppl who is recommending you to leave never have any disagrements with their other half.