How would your husband react to this way of attempting intimacy?

Quite.

You got horny because he was looking after his children? Bloody hell, are you constantly shagging/‘facetiming’?!

😂

Imagine next time his mum really is on the facetime… and he runs in stripping down thinking it’s OP’s code 😂

That probably would have annoyed me as well, and honestly, I couldn't really tell you why.

I don't really mind a little white lie occasionally. For instance, DP feels really guilty if she has a lazy day, whereas I couldn't care less if she has. If DP fancies a day at home doing absolutely bugger all and then makes up a load of bollocks to assuage her own guilt, then it wouldn't bother me.

But I don't like a white lie when its to try and get me to do something, even if the thing is something I'll enjoy. For instance, DP organised something fun for me a few years ago for my birthday. To get me out of the house, she told me we'd be doing something else, still fun but nowhere near as good as what we actually ended up doing. And yet, I ended up not really enjoying it because I spent all day annoyed at being tricked. (I hid it well I think). I'd have much rather not had the surprise, and had DP be upfront about what we were doing.

I think I'd feel the same in the situation you describe @Klarr . I've been told to go somewhere for something specific, and then had something else sprung on me instead. Even though I'd like sex, I'm now stuck with this simmering annoyance at being tricked.

My dh would have been confused about the lie to get him there rather than just suggesting it but then been up for it. Would have then probably ended up as a joke where everytime I told him there was a call he was about to get some.

I do admit mentioning his mum prob didn’t help the mood nothing less sexy. Probably something more behind the scenes if his so mad about it or he just really really didn’t want sex so using the lie as an excuse to reject you without hurting you in his eyes.

Maybe he’s waiting to hear from his mum about something important. As white lies go, it wasn’t the best. Next time say you need help opening a drawer or something 😭

Men and women are not as different as Mumsnet seems to think. When women say no to their husband and the husband then seems hurt or rejected, everyone tells you he's being a dickhead, pressuring you, can't expect you to be up for it all the time, should have tried to set the mood, etc etc.

I think plenty of people, whether male or female, would find it deeply unsexy to be summoned to a bedroom to talk to their mother and then be expected to have a shag instead, especially when they'd been doing parenting stuff all morning. Honestly, he really shouldn't be expected to act like sex is a gift you bestow upon him as a treat for good behaviour and for which he should be grateful.

Also, maybe he just felt under sudden pressure to 'perform' when he wasn't even remotely in the mood. You say he'd been busy with the kids, sorting things out etc. He was in 'dad' mode and was probably knackered. Or maybe he had a wank in the shower that morning and just wasn't up for it. And then he probably felt embarrassed and awkward because he didn't feel like it. There's this weird idea (especially on Mumsnet) that men are somehow ungrateful or even less manly if they turn down any offer of sex from their partner so if men don't want it they then react by getting all defensive.

I wouldn't like it, personally. I'd feel pressurised and would have preferred a direct question about whether I wanted sex. I think my dp would feel the same.

rattling door handles kind of kill the mood though, I’d be saying no thanks too 😆

I don't think my OH would have recognised it as an "attempt at intimacy". And even if he did, any mention of his mother would have killed the moment.
I probably would have just whispered in his ear "fancy a quickie?"

Also, he just may not have been up for it. I don't feel bad for rejecting my OH's advances when I'm not in the mood, and vice versa.

I think that’s an odd way of going about it. Why not just give him a look and a small head tilt towards the bedroom? My DH would have to prepare himself a bit to talk to his mum - it would definitely quash any romantic feelings!

I'm sorry you didn't pull it off, OP . The thread has given me a morning chuckle though.

I've never seen 'fancy a quickie' fail, so maybe just get straight to it next time 🤞🏾

He was a bit of a dick to get cross about it, but such a crunching mental gear change in a busy houseful of people getting ready for a day out is hardly conducive.

It’s not great to assume that all men are so thirsty all of the time that they can just switch into fuck mode like grateful dogs, no matter what else is going on around them (or even if you throw their mum into the mix 😂), and then feel needlessly rejected when that’s not the case. If the sexes were reversed in this situation there’d be outrage on your behalf.

It sounds like you have a great relationship in general, so don’t hang onto this and let it fester, OP. Your ego’s a bit bruised but it’s really nothing.

His mum and a chore! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Don't bring mums into sexy time. Just walking over and saying come with me might have been more direct and clear.

Well it was a rather odd ruse for a start for getting in the mood but milling around to go somewhere big comes with high risk of interruption by impatient dc. or they might get wind and come speak to granny themselves 😬

He might've thought she’d be watching!

Had an ex who use to reject me it made me hate him. I understand your feelings but know this is nothing to do with you it’s his issue

My husband would have worried something was seriously wrong with his parents for them to be facetiming without arranging a time first. It definitely wouldn't leave him feeling sexy.

My dh would have been delighted yes but quite rightly he would also have advised that we wait until the entire villa aren’t awake and that we pick a more private opportunity

I hope ye got the ride in the end OP!