To struggle with teens on holiday.

They have two choices for the rest of the holiday - come out with you and be pleasant company, or sit in their room/stay in the accommodation and do their own thing.

Those are the options. It's not an option to come out and ruin it for everyone else.

I'd just say 'right' and enjoy myself and leave them to it

Stop tying yourself up in knots and have a good time

My parents famously recount a tour of Italy we did when I was 14 - Pompeii?? 'a pile of rocks' according to me

😂

My daughter was terrible when we went on a “relaxing” sun holiday. She was 13, and just the two of us. She had chosen the hotel, but endlessly complained she was bored, but didn’t want to do any of the many activities I suggested. Other than occasionally playing cards (I did insist on some interaction when we went for dinner) she was rude, wouldn’t engage and barely spoke to me (she said we live together at home, so now we have nothing left to say to each other!!).

When planning another trip to a sunny destination the following year I asked what she wanted out of the holiday to make it better and more enjoyable for her than the last. She looked at me like I was crazy, said she’d loved the previous trip and would love to go back there… 🤦🏻‍♀️

it is a phase you have to get through… She will willingly now volunteer that she was awful, and we laugh about it. We did go back to the same place, and had a lovely time, though she still had her moments.

For what it’s worth, they also get very self-conscious at that age, and she didn’t like being surrounded by lots of people she didn’t know. We got a different type of room the next trip where (if we weren’t going out) I could sit in a lounger near a pool, and she could sit on a bed just outside the room, but we could see each other and be close enough to have a chat if we wanted to. That made a big difference as she wasn’t just sat in a hotel room on her own.

What age is DC?

Our teens really like holidays, luckily, but it’s been hard at times because of the old adage that says something like ‘when you travel you take the problems with you’. All family members! Eg MH issues, family dynamics, break-ups, friendship and school problems.

Mine decided they didn’t want to go with us and I totally shocked them, by saying ok, you two can stay here!.
Saved me putting the cat and dog in kennels.
Horrified them, by giving them a list of things they needed to do, like their own washing, cleaning their rooms, shopping for food, cutting the grass.
I did return home to a spotless house, but, I then found out they had cleared the kitchen of cutlery and plates….
Two of everything was all in one cupboard and my furniture had been rearranged, to accommodate their poker night with their friends.
Annoying, but a small price to pay for a quiet holiday!.

We've had more success with doing type holidays, but as long as DD(15) comes on some of the excursions, we don't sweat the small stuff so she can sit and fester in the room if she wants to while the rest of us go to the beach. I insist we eat together and do some stuff as a family, and won't tolerate rudeness, but let them do what they want much of the time.

It's all swings and roundabouts, isn't it? We're staying somewhere at the moment which has a family with really young children next door, and they are up at the crack of dawn every day and one of them has a tin whistle - and I quite like my teens at the moment!

It's not up to you to manage their emotions. It's not up to you to make it better, to make them like it, to change what's on offer so they are happy.

Tell them what's happening today, they either join or stay home - stay home? OK see you later!

Do it.

We have good holidays with our teens (18 and 16 now)… but a few years ago we changed our expectations. DH and I let them know what we are planning to do the next day, they can choose whether or not to join. They are also welcome to suggest activities and we will do our best to make those happen and join in. Always welcome but very relaxed if they’d rather chill. We all have dinner together however the day pans out. We don’t worry about whether they are wasting their day or not as DH and I are having fun regardless and we have fun hanging out in the evening with dinner, card games etc.
As long as I keep my expectations to what DH and I want to do, then it seems to create a happy balance.

How old is he?

His behaviour is NOT acceptable and there needs to be consequences.

I'd have a very stern word with him about his attitude and that if it doesnt improve XYZ will happen. He might be a teenager but being rude is not acceptable at all.

I'd tell him that next year you're booking him into a residential care home as a helper for 2 weeks whilst you go on holiday without him!!

I'm taking my teenager backpacking round France! He wont have much time to be grumpy!!

Hi I have 4 teenager/young adults, my advice is to only ever do a weeks holiday, I actually think 6 days is our limit.

I agree. And so many posters seem to accept being spoken to rudely or dismissively. Ours know the phone is gone if they try anything like that. Happy to give them their own choices/bits of independence etc. on holiday. Not everyone likes the same thing and we are happy to accommodate what everyone wants most of the time.

But it is all about being reasonable, and being spoken to like sh1t and enduring bad behaviour "because they're teens" is not reasonable. Respect is not a dirty word. But then, I'm a teacher and I see teens who have been allowed to rule the roost at home on a very regular basis.

Absolutely depends on what OP wants. Holiday she wants without teens, or if she wants to holiday with teens something else that works better (for all involved). If there is nothing that works for everyone, don't holiday together.

@Thaawtsom

what about what OP wants?? Or does that not matter?

Leave them at the hotel and go and sight see and drink cocktails. And next year leave them at home

I'd express that it's fine to not like doing outings and to have a different sleep routine but that you will not tolerate teenager being vile or rude or ungrateful in your company.

Insist that while you are out and about that teen finds a shop/market and organises food for breakfast or lunch next day.
Send them on a mission.

Yes, plan your next holiday without them.

Also agree with PP that short city breaks are successful with teens (at least have been with mine). Much better way to spend holiday budget / do things with your kids that they want to do.

Our most successful holidays are with friends. They’re happy to do things as other kids around, and in the evenings we generally all eat together and then kids in one place and adults in another. Plus they’re much better behaved with others around. It does make for an almighty blowout at some stage though as they’ve been holding everything in 😁

Teenagers on holiday are easier if they take a friend with them.

Some do like their holidays though, mine did. It's just that the holidays need to be a bit more exciting than staying at a resort for 2 weeks eating buffet food and watching the same people lazing about the pool day in and day out. It gets repetitive and boring quite quickly.

14 was hardest for us. He couldn't cope with AI; didn't want to go in the pool; didn't really want to be there. To be fair, it was not the sort of place we'd usually like as a family either, but it was affordable in the school holidays.

Neither of my kids will talk to other kids. They don't even talk to each other. It's the bane of my life.

This year worked. I'd actually said that they could stay in the room/ do what they liked. But they ended up doing the same as us- reading by pool/ beach, swimming, going out for meals. Neither kid spoke to anyone though.

It's going to be weird when oldest dc no longer comes with us though. My velcro baby has turned into a clingy BFF when abroad.

😂 ‘harbinger of doom’ 😂

My boys are in their 30’s now .. 😬( where did that time go, truly ?)
my motto to everyone I see about teens and holidays … mostly they don’t want to be there .. if you can leave them with a trusted responsible adult then do it .. honestly .. believe me …it’s just not worth it .. they don’t want to be there and all we do is get stressed .. not a holiday ! 👍

We did a nearly two week villa type holiday when our older two were 15 and 13, and in retrospect it was too long. They were not totally miserable sods but tempers started to fray after a week, DS1 inparticular begun held up in his room because he was bored and DD wanted to stay up late. If it wasnt for DS2 we probably would have just packed up.

Shorter and more adventerous types of holidays are what you need with teens.

We stopped all holidays during Covid ( sd mum was just awful about the tests so easier not to bother) and they were the best years at that age. We didn’t holiday again until 2 years later as we realised they were happiest at home with friends, days out and being around us. It was nice and relaxed and we took a few long weekends and left them with grandparents.
a few years later we had a fab holiday but they were young adults and not so stroppy!

We’ve found city breaks to be a good bet (nearly 18 and nearly 15). We can do stuff then if they’re tired it doesn’t feel terrible if they resort to screens for a bit. We’ve done a few in Europe but some further afield.

I was bored to tears on holidays with my parents as a teenager (I’m being literal here; I would actually cry) who told me I had to go to whatever terrible teen club there was or not complain about the fact they refused to do anything other than lie on a sun bed for two weeks. I begged to go on the excursions offered by the tour operator and pay with my own money from my weekend job but I wasn’t allowed to do that either!