To struggle with teens on holiday.

Yes, absolutely. But my attitude at the start was definitely the one you described!

That sounds great to me. I expect your children enjoyed themselves too without being expected to join in and be grateful as if they were little kids.

I remember posting on Mumsnet a few years ago, while on a single parent holiday in Greece with my teens (I may have changed username for it!). I was in tears at the time, over how lazy they were being, etc.
People were SO kind and helpful, and advised me to just leave them to it, reminding me that it was their holiday too. So I’d go to the beach, for example, and drop them a text saying ‘hey, I’m at the beach. Join me if you like when you’re ready.’
It really helped! I also enjoyed many a solo, peaceful breakfast 😁

How many teens are you talking about? It sounded like one at the start and then turned into 'they' and 'them'.

That's normal for teenagerss. I only had one child, a son, and from 15 took him away with a friend for a couple of years, after that he did his own holidays with friends.

I didn't want to go away with my parents as a teenager.

Leave him or her, or them, to fend for themselves while you two go off and enjoy yourselves. As long as they have some money they'll manage, they will be fine.

Been there, done that.
Took DS (15) and DD (18) to The Isle of Man. By day 3, they had got ferries home! No idea why we made them
come, to this day.

That's going to be my new fav description for my moaning teen - harbinger of doom!!

Yes we didn’t do hotels with them but we do now as older couple we are only doing B&B next as a couple .. I can’t stand buffet food .. people breathing all over it .. where we go food is reasonable anyway .. our boys just got fed up .. we had our last family one when they were 15 and 18 … I miss it .. they have young age babies and toddlers now and we can’t wait to go as a big family … teens just get aggravated mostly .. with parents .. it’s a phase but it’s a thing

My son, 13 also autistic, was similar on our last holiday (june). It's hard when you can't leave them to do your own thing but can you just reduce all demands on him and let him lead for a bit? Im autistic myself and even as a 45 year old woman I really struggle on holiday, I didn't realise for years that it was all the change. Different routine, different people, different food, even different air if you are abroad. Then there the expectations. When you think of a holiday you think of how lush it will be, how amazing it will feel, how relaxed and all of the things it will be but then when you get there it isn't. It is but its also hot (or cold or wet), and the noises are different and you dont have your stuff and people are expecting you to do things, even if they are fun they are still things that drain you and mean you have to juggle your own sensory overload with the wants and needs of others and when you are almost ready to crawl into a hole.... well lets just say it's allot.
He shouldn't be making your life hard or disrespecting you but I also get a bit arsey and until recently it always resulted in a big argument with my husband while we were away (and him saying I ruined another holiday like I always do).
Sometimes its not about you fixing things for him, sometimes its about both of you accepting that parts of the holiday will be really hard and he will struggle but there will be glimmers in there too.. and I almost guarantee by next year he will only remember the glimmers.

We took our teenagers to Florida when my elder daughter was 16. The kids chose Florida over Australia and DD1 was particularly keen.

she unfortunately stayed in her room chatting online to her mates back in the UK most days, only coming to join us once her mates had gone to bed due to the time difference. They weren’t even good mates, just people she had met online due to being in a fan club!

It was the worst money we ever spent, and actually the main reason we have never taken them on a ‘big’ holiday since. she is nearly 20 now and laments the fact we shelved a planned trip to japan, as she always wanted to go there. Totally her own making, that one!

Absolutely agree! My young adults are a joy now and when in their teens..respectful, kind and a joy to be around. Parenting with boundaries is not easy but we did, to the amusement of many of our friends with similar aged kids…they’re not laughing now when they wonder why theirs didn’t turn out as well as mine 🤷🏻‍♀️

You've just managed to out-smuggify your previous smug post, top work there

not smug, but justified that I’ve got hard boundaries that I’ve stuck to, strict parenting is tough, but reading these sort of threads make me so thankful that we’ve done so.

i really hate the generalisation that teens are vile, rude, grunty.

mine isn’t and nor are any of her friends.

Well don't you just feel smug and superior over the rest of us then @Iwishicouldflyhigh?

Nope, never had this with my now 15 year old. We discuss what we want to do, ensure that everyone is catered for and we all do everything together, I’m not taking my child away to an amazing county to have her fester in her room (and thankfully she doesn’t want to), she is happy to join in and we all holiday well together. I have a 12 and 10 year old as well and I make sure everyone dies a bit if what they want.

i just don’t accept being spoken to with no respect.

I’m on holiday with two teenagers by myself. It’s hardwork, they have there moments when they are awful but also moments when they are both angels. I would still do it again ad I think they both benefit hugely from it.

I disagree with towing a hardline and removing phones or telling them they are ungrateful because I think overall it just creates more conflict, you can’t force them to enjoy it but you can modify it. If someone wants to stay in there room all day or not go to the pool then fine.

It's just me and my teenager here, so we pick the holidays we go on together, so they are always places she approves of.

And basically I don't ask a lot of her, she can be on her phone pretty much whenever, she can sleep late, I probably spoil her a bit with food/money etc. She's a really good girl who works hard all year, and it's her holiday too! Because of this, we tend to get on really well. She does need some emotional space tho, we both do. Currently we are sitting in a pub, both on our phones, happily chilling..... Haven't spoken much to each other in the last half hour.....

I appreciate it's much easier as it's just me and her - much harder if you have more adults and kids to consider. My generally sweet natured girl bitches a lot to me about the holidays she is taken on by her dad, his partner, her kids and sometimes other extended family members!

(At the risk of sounding judgemental, I do think it sounds like exh's gf makes it harder on herself by doing lots of "organised fun", banning all the teens present from their phones for big chunks of time etc. I mean, it's her choice ultimately, and i know many on here would see that as good parenting and think I am way too lax, but i just think, is it really a hill worth dying on....)

However OP, despite my general laissez faire attitude I do think it sounds like your teen is taking it too far by being actively rude to you. I have no doubt DD makes her dislike for her blended family holidays clear via her resting bitch face, but she wouldn't be actively verbally rude to XH and partber when they are paying to take her away.

Your teen doesn't have to pretend to enjoy it, but he shouldn't actively ruin it for everyone else - that's just unnecessary in my opinion .

Exactly this! This sort of behaviour should have been curbed when it first showed itself and not now when a teen. The hard work of parenting with discipline and boundaries need to be done in the first ten years. My friends made fun of me for being firm and insisting on manners, good behaviour, respect and not letting bad behaviour slide…called me the Major General…but now I have kind, respectful and polite, generous, well mannered young adults who are a pleasure to take anywhere in the world…sadly, most of their kids are not so who’s laughing now?!

They sound a little spoilt and entitled? I’ve had teens, now young adults and we still holiday together, always have done and they’re a joy! It’s not fair to say it’s a teen thing as teens I know are not like this

I wouldn’t mind the not joining in, I’d leave them to stay in the room. it’s the moaning that you’re also not staying in there! What’s that about? What’s the point in the holiday if everyone stays in the room!?

Suffering here with an ungrateful teen too who has come off a holiday with her dad straight to a holiday with me and she’s so bloody miserable and wants everything her own way. Won’t do things but jealous if you get brother if we do something without her. It’s making me not want to come away again.

You don’t need to accept this just because they’re a teen. Not all teens are vile and ungrateful.

Sit them down and point out their entitled and ungrateful attitude and tell them there’s consequences for that. Maybe a reality check for them that not every child gets a holiday and they should be ashamed of their attitude. You don’t have to accept this op.

How old is your teen OP? I totally get your frustration - I think any of us who've taken teens on holiday have had times like this. DH and I now leave ours at the hotel/apartment if they don't want to do things. We tell them how long we'll be gone, give them the option to come, but if they don't want to we leave them behind and it's really rather nice! Sometimes they say they regret not coming with us, but I'm not going to have my holiday ruined by teenagers being arsey. And coming and then ruining it for everyone is not an option - you come, you need to be civil and pleasant.

This!. My kid would be told quite clearly to stop being an ungrateful little shit, and they can be miserable and not enjoy themselves but they are not ruining my holiday. So they can shut up and put up. I would be bloody furious.

Totally sympathise- 12-17 years as quite honestly miserable with the teens. We gave up for a while. It does get better again though! Now they are older we tell them to hate we are doing and they can choose to come or not. This year both came (late teens/ early twenties) and had a lovely time