To not help my friend- passport fraud

There is nothing you can do to help her and she has acted illegally if she changed the name without the father's permission.

She put herself into this entire situation, so needs to just deal with it

Encourage her to get proper legal advice and then stay out of it all. It sounds messy, are they really putting the child first here?
The ‘sperm donor’ plan didn’t really work out for her when she continued to have a sexual relationship with him and then wanted a real relationship with him. If he’s paying child maintenance and has an agreement set up with the court then she should seek legal advice.

This... especially this child can't be even a year and half old, and the 'friend' has met and married someone new already...
Is he wealthy too? How was she planning to provide for her dc with 'no money'?

What name did the baby originally have?

If this is true, and I have huge doubts due to the timings (2 yrs since deciding this, getting pregnant, having baby and subsequently meeting someone and getting married), then I wouldn't feel sorry for her at all. She should have gone to a legitimate, licensed sperm donation clinic in the first place. She's brought this all on herself, and now she has to reap the consequences.

The actual lesson is, go through proper channels when you use a sperm donor.

I had children with a sperm donor (obtained through a sperm bank, nothing dodgy about it), and the kids are healthy and happy.

I did meet a partner later on but seeing as she's a woman, she wouldn't have gotten me very far on the baby making aspect.

I dislike your suggestion that the only "proper" family unit is the traditional one with a dad, a mom and 1.7 children.

My children are wonderful and I am thankful everyday that I don't have to beg permission from an ex everytime I need to breathe.

Nobody will be interested in this alleged passport fraud. Best it will just get fixed, but she’s not going to get sent to the tower or OFF with her head

FFs this just gets worse. some people should be allowed to breed, because this is all this is.

He's not a 'sperm donor'. They might have met that way but they had sex before during and after and she wanted a relationship.

He is an involved father - has been to court to protect his and his child's rights, has regular contact with his child and pays maintenance. You even call him "the dad" in your second post.

Their child has a right to relationship with their father too.

Of course she can't do things like change names without his consent - this is his child too.

She needs to accept that they are co-parents of this child and she needs to accept that she can't break the law.

All you can do is listen and advise that she sees a solicitor.

she has the right to change her childs name but it says not in the court order. Its like she cant do anything without his permission. Its not fair on her.

The court order is what's important here.

Stay out of it-you can sympathise but little else. She is wrong and there's no way around that.

I’m confused in how you can help?

If she can’t do it, she can’t do it - I assume she knew it beforehand if it says so on the court order?

This is truly a case of FAFO. Poor kid.

Probably Tinder.

Can't be arsed with the rest. The 'friend' will find out that the Law outranks her and her mate's opinion soon enough.

option A -- find a new friend
option B -- Marry your friend
option C -- get a date for your 'friend' with Jeremy Clarkson
option D -- go on a date with one of the Spice Girls
option E -- look up Elon Musk and go to Mars

If he’s on the birth certificate then I don’t think she does have the right to change her child’s name, I think it requires both parents’ consent. And while he may have originally agreed to no contact, as this was absolutely not a sperm donor arrangement he does have the right to change his mind and he’s now having regular contact and paying maintenance. I’m afraid I think she’s the one in the wrong here. But your role is just to support your friend emotionally and otherwise stay well out of it, there’s nothing you can do and it’s a matter for the court.

So your friend didn’t follow an official pathway but decided to have unprotected sex with some random off the internet. You can’t protect or defend your friend from her own stupidity.

It wasn't a case of using a sperm donor. She had a short relationship with the father of her child, which was arranged solely for the purposes of creating that child. Any "contract" on the website she met him through can't override his responsibilities as the father of that child.

All you can do to help your friend is listen to her and try to advise her based on the facts of the situation. If she has done something fraudulent, the only option is to own up to it and try to put it right and then move on from there.

I actually do feel for her because there was a prior arrangement. Unfortunately it sounds like there was nothing legally binding meaning that he has been able to waltz back in her life because he changed his mind and claim a court order.
I would stick with being a friend, giving her a listening ear but not much other involvement you can do. It all sounds complicated with the legalities of it.

And people are told not to offer dogs for sake on the internet and your friend thought it was a good idea to get a baby from one? She’s brought this on herself, lots of blurred lines. She’s not going to cut this father out of the child’s life.

@Ravenblue - "... She met him through an unofficial sperm donor website. She signed up that she wanted a baby and they had sex until she was pregnant and after it as well. She wanted a relationship but he didnt..."

You first described him as a "donor" as if this was some artificial insemination process, but now you are saying they had physical sex until she was pregnant.

That is a relationship - not just being a donor! 😅

What you or your friend think actually makes little difference- the only thing that matters is the legally binding court order. If he has been granted parental rights, then yes he does get a say in decisions about their child. Not her child, their child.

She does not have to like it, but breaching the court order will have consequences. Committing fraud- I.e. telling the passport office lies (e.g. that either father had agreed to name change, which must have involved something like forging signature if that did happen) also comes with serious consequences. Not liking the law or the terms of the court order does not mean you can chose to ignore it without consequence. I would have thought this is just basic knowledge- laws and court orders need to be adhered to, or you face the consequences. If your friend does not agree with the terms of the court order, she could have tried to have it changed legally. If she tried and failed, she either appeals that decision or puts up with it.

Your friend cannot have gone down the formal/legal sperm donor route, if you are in the UK, because he would not have been granted parental rights had that been the case. From the sounds of it she has gone down an informal/ DIY route without proper legal agreements in place. When you do so, you leave yourself open to complications, as she has found out. She might not like it, it might not be “fair” from her POV, but the court will act in the child’s best interests and not just on your friends wishes. They have clearly decided the child has a right to know their father, who wishes to have contact with his child. That’s the end of it, unless your friend can prove he is in some way dangerous or harmful to their child.

The only helpful thing you can do is suggest she gets proper legal advice. Do not get involved. Your friend at best does not sound very bright or at worst is downright dangerous who can land a load of trouble to your door. Stay out of it.

Also this happened 2 years ago and shes already married to a new fella? Jesus wept

Do you see what I am getting at? A random offers to father a child as a favour then insists on seeing the child? This mum could be putting her child in danger. She has been reckless to say the least.

Surely it depends on what the arrangement was when he donated his sperm. If they used a Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) licensed clinic, he would not:

• be the legal parent of any child born
• have any legal obligation to any child born
• have any rights over how the child will be brought up
• be asked to support the child financially
• be named on the birth certificate

If it was an informal arrangement between the two of them, he may have agreed to donate his sperm with no expectation of having any rights to the child and then he changed his mind and took her to court. She may have agreed that he could be involved with the child and then changed her mind.

Whatever the circumstances in this case, I don't think OP should get involved.

ETA - I posted this before I saw OP's second post. It all sounds like a complete mess.

She doesn't have the right to do anything regarding the child, unless he has had his PR removed, usually done because of abuse etc.
Having a good solicitor wouldn't make a difference. Your advice to her should be to follow the law, accept the child is half his and apologise to move forward.