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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel inconvenienced by a tragic accident?

636 replies

OnemargarIta · 11/08/2025 11:36

I'm currently in Italy (staying in Rome) for three nights. It's my first foreign break in a warm country and I've been so excited and saved up especially.

We booked an excursion for today consisting of a trip to Sorrento where we'd spend time exploring, visiting shops and enjoying local food - and then on to Pompeii on the route back.

We've spent the whole morning/day so far stuck in traffic on the motor way. We are so behind schedule we can now no longer go to Sorrento first because Pompeii closes at 5.30 and there won't be time. A sit down restaurant meal will now be replaced by a takeaway which will be eaten on the coach.

We've just been told the cause of the traffic jam and it's because somebody has died in a collision on the motorway.

Instead of feeling saddened about the loss of life I just feel inconvenienced and pissed off that the highlight of my trip has been ruined.

Does this make me a shitty person? It just occurred that it might 😳

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 11/08/2025 11:46

I would be feeling gutted, but not for myself. Someone left their home this morning and didn't get to return at the end of the day. It is utterly tragic - whether you know someone or not - these experiences are timely reminders that nothing is promised to any of us. I think it's incredibly sad. I remember being in Paris the day after Concorde crashed as we were due to fly out of Charles de Gaulle, but were delayed by 18 hours. It wasn't me I was feeling sorry for.

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 11/08/2025 11:46

No, it doesn't make you a shitty person.

You're a human and it's quite normal to feel annoyed that you missed out, as much as you are also entitled to feel sad for the person that died at the same time.

A shitty person would be someone who judged you for feeling inconvenience before sadness.

Fenellasbum · 11/08/2025 11:46

SilenceInside · 11/08/2025 11:44

Is it not possible to feel both things? Sadness and empathy for someone who has died, and their friends/family, whilst also recognising the frustration and annoyance that your short break has been significantly disrupted. The second shouldn't remove the first.

I agree with this.

LIZS · 11/08/2025 11:46

Yabu , these things happen unfortunately. You are not out missing much by not going to Sorrento. Enjoy Pompeii as that is the main event.

x2boys · 11/08/2025 11:44

I don't understand why you need the.internet to confirm this ?

SilenceInside · 11/08/2025 11:44

Is it not possible to feel both things? Sadness and empathy for someone who has died, and their friends/family, whilst also recognising the frustration and annoyance that your short break has been significantly disrupted. The second shouldn't remove the first.

WhatNoRaisins · 11/08/2025 11:44

I think realistically you're going to be less moved by the death of a stranger that has nothing to do with you. People die in tragic circumstances all the time and we wouldn't be able to function if we got upset by all of them.

OnemargarIta · 11/08/2025 11:43

I thought so. Damn what a wake up call.

OP posts:
JamDisaster · 11/08/2025 11:43

I think most people would feel a bit of both- sad at the loss of life, disappointed about the change of plans but able to put that into context.

Ilovemychocolate · 11/08/2025 11:42

Yes.
Is the simple answer.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 11/08/2025 11:41

I think it does. I can't believe that we have got to this point in humanity where you will write out an entire post about being inconvenienced by a human being's death.

Someone's child, or parent or sibling?

Really?