To feel inconvenienced by a tragic accident?

Im not sure I would feel grief for a stanger. Yes I'd feel annoyed that my plans have not worked out. I remember being stuck at the station because of a fatality and I felt cross that my life had been disrupted- I would be late to work and then have to make the time up, so I do think its normal to feel that way.
On another note its too hot for pompeii , there is zero shade and whilst we enjoined visiting, an hour ws enough for us in the heat so you may not be missing out imho!

It's entirely possible to feel both bad that you’ve missed out on something you were looking forward to while at the same time feeling at least some empathy or sympathy that someone lost their life and there are likely people out there who have had their world collapse.

What you do now is put it in perspective and be thankful that you only had a day ruined and it's not you that's dead or grieving the death of a loved one.

That's one hell of a long day trip anyway without any leeway for accidents.
But yes. Unreasonable

It’s a fairly common reaction, I don’t think it makes you a shitty person. Those of us who regularly commute know the reaction well when we hear “person hit by a train” again when we’re desperate to get home.

Yeah I think it does a bit to be honest.

There's nothing wrong with feeling disappointed but to be unable to find any empathy is a bit shitty.

And then to post about it on a public forum where you know full well at least a few people will have had a loved one die in an accident, is also very shitty and unnecessary.

Both of these things together point to it being all about you.

Sure you do. Do you still feel the same when you’ve been stuck on the motorway for 4 hours? Not even a slight bit of frustration? Not one negative emotion? Pull the other one.

No it does not. It makes you a flawed, normal, human being.

We are all human and we all have uncharitable thoughts at times - the fact you have acknowledged this and self reflected on it, in my opinion as someone who works in psychology, makes you a far more functional and psychologically healthy person than the people in this thread piling on to castigate you.

I can guarantee you that the people lecturing you about being shitty have also had uncharitable or unkind thoughts on many occasions in their own heads- and they are flat out lying if they claim never to.

Truly selfish, or narcissistic individuals never question if they are selfish because their narcism wont let them, so make of that fact what you will when listening to strangers opinions online.

Voted YANBU by mistake.
From someone who lost a family member in a tragic accident that held up traffic and closed a main road,, yes, you are a shitty person.

It's perfectly normal to feel upset and irritated by having your carefully planned holiday spoiled. You don't have to link it to the cause, and be annoyed someone's death ruined your chance for half a day in Sorrento.

I don't think you're a shitty person. I've been stuck on a train before when someone jumped in front of another train further ahead. And watched as the initial sadness among other passengers turned to annoyance after two hours of being stuck. Then they started making jokes... (I was shocked but was in the minority.)

So as much as we should have empathy, in my experience there is a limit to that when it's an anonymous person you don't have any details of and no connection to.

I think you can feel both. Inconvenienced by the impact this is having on you and your plans, but also recognising that you're extremely lucky that you aren't impacted in worse ways like this person and their family will have been.

I think if you don't feel ANY of the latter then there's maybe a bit of self reflection there to do in terms of counting your blessings and considering how insular your world view might be?

The last time I was in that position I definitely felt frustrated and stressed but also able to acknowledge that other people were having a significantly worse day than I was and that I'm incredibly lucky.

I actually wonder if it's more a sign of lack of resilience and able to reframe things for yourself for perspective as opposed to being a "bad" person.

This

Exactly.

This. You might be a bit disappointed, I'm sure it can be re-arranged. But someone's life has been tragically lost.

If it’s any consolation you hadn’t allowed enough time for Pompeii anyway. Next time book in a minimum of one whole day, with a guide for at least part of it, and maybe another day at Herculaneum as well. It is the most extraordinary place.

The thing is, the tragedy part has got nothing to do with you. The delay part has.

There will have been more than one tragic accident on the roads today. Are you expected to spend time grieving about them all? Obviously they are sad events and you would rather they hadn't happened to anyone. But this is a rather theoretical thing, rather than an emotional thing, because you didn't know any of the people involved. Many sad things happen every day, and the vast majority of the people who hear about them just think, "Oh, how sad, those poor people," and move on, because they didn't know them and can't do anything about it anyway. You can't mourn for everybody.

Your main emotional reaction here is much more likely to be annoyance at the delay, because that's what's affected your life. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Your feelings don't actually make any difference to the people who died, or to the people who loved them. Nobody is worse off because of your reaction.

Well there’s a good chance that the person who died was driving dangerously, and could have injured others. So my sympathy is tempered by that.

Not necessarily of course - sometimes the dangerous driver walks away injury free while others are killed 😡

I'd go as far as saying you're probably like this in other aspects of your life & I wouldn't be surprised if peo0le who knew you irl privately thought the same.

Yes it does, it sounds so heartless.

I hope you are never faced with something like this.

The person who passed was someone’s loved one and all you can think about are your plans.

If anything, accidents like this should make you count your lucky stars and put things in perspective for you.

But that's OK not to feel sad. She didn't know the person.

If you felt sad for every single person that died in an accident you'd spend your entire life grieving.

It IS sad that someone died but you don't have to feel sad and that does not make you a shitty person.

Personally I'd likely be more annoyed with the person that caused the crash that both killed someone and messed up my holiday.

It reminds me of Dodie Smith (101 Dalmatians) describing a bad day: “Breakfast didn’t arrive and when I went to investigate Alex was dead”

Yes, going on a holiday in itself is a privilage most of the worlds population can never attain. Not being able to eat in a restaurant and explore an area for an afternoon becuase someone has died and a road is shut is mildly inconveniencing you, a person of extreme privilage from the west who gets to go on a holiday (relatively speaking we are all extemeley privilaged if we get to go on holiday) , but for the families involved, a lifelong tragedy.
I think it is natural to feel your own invconvenience and upset but if you counter it with understanding your lucky position, and grateful that you werent on the road earlier that day, it wasnt you in the accident, that you are very lucky to be on a trip at all, enjoying a holiday, you can easily turn your mind to gratitude rathet than annoyance.
Not meaning to sound preachy but this is the thought process i go through when things like this happen and I find myself at odds with my conscience.

It does yes

You have every right to feel sad/disappointed that your day hasn't gone as planned but then you get over it because just remember someone died so they won't ever go on a trip again, explore a new place, have a meal out again, have a shopping trip again and they probably had loved ones that enjoyed those activities with them that will never get to enjoy those things properly going forward as they will be a reminder of the person they have lost