To feel inconvenienced by a tragic accident?

How can something you think make you a shitty human being? I’ve groaned at my train journey being delayed for hours by a suicide while feeling sad for the person who died. It’s natural.

I have been on a very delayed train where it was clear that it was because someone had jumped in front of a train on the railway line ahead of us. I felt some irritation because it fucked with my plans; but I also always feel really sorry for all the people who have to deal with it (not just the people immediately impacted (friends, family) but also all the emergency services, and the people who have to deal with pissed off passengers) -- it's a horrible situation for everyone, for different reasons. I try quite hard to let go of things that are outside of my control, and consider things from other people's point of view. It is grounding to do so and makes me less cross and irritated generally about stuff, and I think it's never a bad thing to flex your empathy muscles. When I got home I found out it was someone I knew.

OP: totally get being pissed off about the impact on your short stay. That's totally reasonable. However, the complete lack of empathy and accepting your lack of control over the situation -- not so much.

You can't help feeling disappointed, that is an immediate reaction,it will pass and tomorrow you will be feeling sad about the accident.

I'm sure you'll still have a good time and you have the rest of your holiday to enjoy.

I mean, people die on the roads every single day. I can imagine that you're gutted that it happened on the road between you and the one chance you had to see the thing you were looking forward to the most on your holiday. So, no judgement from me - it's not like your feelings on the matter change anything.

Tbf i feel inconvenienced if the trains are knocked out due to "passenger action".
I'm not particularly empathetic though, and id probably be annoyed at the hold up too.

It was mildly annoying having to put up with months of public hysteria in August 1997, and TV being rescheduled, with Diana. My dad lost his Sunday morning lie in, because hymns had to changed at the last moment to something sombre.

You have my sympathy, though. In a world where we have to work very hard to make ends meet, it’s annoying when our precious leisure time is disrupted by something like this.

Any traffic jam is usually an inconvenience. But my gosh what a small one compared to the poor people involved. It's okay to feel disappointed about your trip but I would also be feeling thankful that that's the only affect it's had on me.

Whenever I drive past a car accident on the motorway I always hope that no one has been seriously injured, I don’t know who they are, it’s just part of being human.

But OP didn't see anything, like you did.

It's only when we hear the details of names, pictures, etc that most people can empathise.

Not here to comment on the tragedy.
Sorrento this time of year is a nightmare - absolutely rammed. I have been a few times and would never go in August again.
The historic part is the most important part of the trip.

The answer to that is totally irrelevant. Partly because how the hell is OP supposed to know? But mainly because the deceased person may be an innocent victim going about their day. And even if it was someone being a twat, that doesn't mean they deserve for their life to be cut out just like that.

And just to be clear, I have never said I wouldn’t feel frustrated - it’s the whole notion of not being able to muster any sadness, not feel a jot of sympathy for anyone but yourself which is the issue.

I would argue that is empathy. Certainly the way i understand and experience what I view as empathy.

I certainly dont grieve strangers, Im not sobbing into my pillow when someone i dont know dies, but I understand and acknowledge that there will be people who knew that person and understand that they will be feeling grief. To me, thats empathy. I dont feel their feelings but I recognise that they will have them.

Yes, I think it makes you shitty. Absolutely fine to be frustrated that your trip has been affected but you can do that another time. The poor person that died won’t be able to.
I’d be thanking my lucky stars that I wasn’t involved in the crash.

I wouldn't say shitty but I'd say desensitised.
The only reaction really is disappointment and then pure fucking gratitude that you look around you and everyone you love is still with you.
Don't beat yourself up but do notice it and think carefully about what might be feeding it

Exactly that.

Yes, it certainly does! Get over it……….the family of the person that died certainly won’t be able to!!!!

This is the thing isn't it?

It's not even the OP's lack of empathy, it's the shitty way she thought starting a public thread was a decent thing to do.

Very unreasonable I would be thanking my lucky stars non of us were in that accident and we get to live another day. We just never know when our time is up. How shitty of someone's first thought being it's ruined their day. While another family are going through the trauma of losing their loved one in an awful tragedy.

If you all felt the genuine tragedy of the numerous early deaths suffered by thousands of people every day in much worse circumstances than some one who died on a road in Italy, I’m not sure how you function day to day.

No, OP, it does not make you a shitty person. It’s a very sad thing to happen for all involved and obviously you’re not going to drive by and shout out that you don’t care, but it ok to quietly think of your own disappointment in these circumstances.

IMO it’s pretty natural to feel cross and disappointed that you’re going to miss something special - especially a one-off like this that you won’t be able to do next week - but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

TBH I wouldn’t believe anyone who said that ALL they felt in those circs. was sympathy for the poor person who’d died.

What a classic example of whataboutery. Of course you don’t spend your life grieving every loss of life, but when you are caught up in it, even in a tangential way, then it’s brought closer to home and it’s natural to reflect on it. Whenever I drive past a car accident on the motorway I always hope that no one has been seriously injured, I don’t know who they are, it’s just part of being human. To view someone else’s death only through the lens of how it has inconvenienced you is shitty, you don’t have to agree with me, but that is absolutely how I feel.

For all you know there is no one person to blame - mechanical failure, an animal running across the road - sometimes accidents are just that - accidental. And what if the person who caused the accident was the one was was killed - still pissed off with them? You’re making this so black and white. And self-centred.

Yes, the sadness comes later when you see pictures and ages and other details. Not when you're in the jam or just out of it.

I don’t feel any empathy when strangers die. Never have, for some reason.

Not bothered when celebrities die, didn’t bother watching the Queens funeral. I can recognise “that’s sad for people who know them,” but also recognise that I don’t know them, and therefore I personally am not sad.

I would probably feel the same in your position. I just wouldn’t ordinarily say it outloud/come online to share it.

If you’re a psychopath, I am too!

Don't let these people beat you up verbally, it's perfectly normal to be annoyed about being in an all day traffic jam.

There are serious accidents every day in the UK, do people think the people sitting in those jams are praying for the victims? No, most of them aren't.

No one can claim a moral hierarchy here.