To feel inconvenienced by a tragic accident?

I think it’s normal that you’re disappointed that your day isn’t going to be what you planned. Things happen, someone has lost their life which will probably devastate a whole group of people. It’s not for you to be upset about, you didn’t know them, but a bit of perspective is needed, you missing your day doesn’t really matter. Once you are out of the traffic jam, you can continue to have a nice time.

I just don't think that the op is obliged to chalk up her frustration out of some sense of duty to feel sad about the death of somebody that she doesn't know.

Nor do I think that those who are pretending that they would sit in traffic ruminating on the fragility of life rather than expressing some frustration that their short, first holiday was going to shit before them are achieving anything.

Should have got the train. The service in Italy is excellent and far quicker/better than driving.

I see it was annoying and being stuck in a traffic jam in the heat escalated your reaction but Sorrento will still be there.

Sometimes I think mumsnet is on a different planet!

It's natural to feel upset that you missed out. Im willing to bet that anyone claiming you're a terrible person and should only be thinking about the person who died aren't being honest with themselves.

I think I'm like you OP. I don't really feel emotion towards anyone I don't know.

So if a friends family member was in a car accident and died, then I'd be really upset about it, and I'd actually feel that upset as an emotion.

But someone I don't know dying in a car accident. I know intellectually that it's a sad event, but it's not going to evoke an emotional reaction in me, because I don't know these people.

It's not that I'm incapable of empathy. As I said, I can empathise with people I know, and even a TV show with fictional people is capable of reducing me to a blubbering mess.

To give an example, the boxing day Tsunami didn't make me feel anything. I knew it was a sad event, I wished it hadn't happened, but it didn't make me feel bad, even when seeing pictures of the devastation etc. It didn't ruin my boxing day like it did for some family members. However, last year I watched the film about it with Ewan Macgregor and Tom Holland. And that made me tear up repeatedly, because I feel like I got to know some of the people involved, even if they are fictionalised versions of them.

DP reckons it's linked with my aphantasia, that because I can't picture things in my head, that I can't feel the emotions linked with an event. Maybe it's true, maybe that's why I have to feel like I know someone before I can empathise with them, because I can't picture the event itself or its aftermath.

I don’t think it’s abnormal for your primary reaction to be about how it impacts you.
I remember we had someone step out in front of our train a while back & while I absolutely felt sorry for that person and their family (& the poor driver) I was also very stressed to spend 2 hours on an overcrowded train with a 5 & 7 year old, only 1 seat to share & limited food/water on a hot day. Of course it’s worse to be dead but that doesn’t stop the experience being a bit shit for everyone. It helps to put it in perspective and remember it’s a temporary discomfort and then just make the most of the time you have doing something nice later. It’s not the end of your world missing Sorrento even if it is disappointing and it’s good you can reflect on your reaction and see it was a bit self centred. We all have those moments. We are human and flawed

You must mean, most empathetic?

I agree, its not like OP was standing over his corpse screaming "get up you fucker I want to see Pompei"
Of course she is disappointed, most people would be

I can’t believe some of the smug, sanctimonious bullshit on here. I don’t believe for one second that anyone condemning OP for feeling put out would give the victim more than a passing thought and then go back to feeling pissed off that their holiday plans have been ruined as a result. Such hypocrisy.

YABU
and visiting Pompeii? obviously a bit of a ghoul anyway 🤷🏽‍♀️

178000 people will die today, I'm grieving for all of them 😇

It doesn't make you a shitty person. People die all the time.

They should have had better resources in dealing with the accident and clearing it efficiently. Same thing happened in my city. Major motorway blocked for hours. Knock on effect on a whole city of 1.5 million. It was ridiculous.

Are you grieving now too? Or did you just post that and go on about your business. Because we should all be grieving today should we not? OP just happens to be a bit closer to the accident.

Would you be OK if your WiFi was turned off for the day as a mark of respect for this victim? Every time the queue is long or the supermarket runs out of something or the train is delayed could be due to a tragedy somewhere along the supply chain and you would never ever feel irritated??

Yes I’d still feel the same. I was stuck recently not far behind a big crash, without internet so I couldn’t even check if people were okay. I just sat there worrying about what was happening in front of me. The first thing I did as soon as I did get where I was going was get on the internet to find out. Believe it or not some of us do genuinely not start bemoaning our own inconvenience when someone’s death has caused a delay for us. Four hours isn’t long really compared to death.

If the accident had involved the caoch how would you feel then?

Then again If you had set off an hour later you may have missed,

Its life live with it, you went home aftrewards, someone didnt..

Another person wondering how OP was expecting to have enough time to get a coach from Rome to Sorrento, have time to explore plus also visit Pompeii and get back to Rome all in a single day, in August 🤯 Pretty bonkers doing that anyway but even odder doing it on a 3-day visit to Rome 🤯 Yabu on that front alone.

This is what I was going to say.
Don't beat yourself up OP.

As you can see, OP, there are a few of us on this thread who have been on the flip side of your situation as in we've had family / friends killed in accidents that have closed roads and held up traffic.
The fact that people are still agreeing with you makes this thread even more crass.
Aside the fact you posted it in the first place.

I would probably feel the same but I wouldn’t have made a whole post about it.

People will tell you that YABU and you are, there’s no denying it. But the reality is you didn’t know this person, they don’t mean anything to you and of course you are more disappointed about the impact on your trip.

I wouldn’t be saying it out loud though!

Tbh I’m sure all these very self-righteous people would feel the same way AS WELL AS feeling sad about the loss of life.

People just don’t normally verbalise it / post it on line.

You then obviously tell yourself to pull yourself together and at least you have your life/ your loved ones, and feel sad for those who have died. But it’s human to feel at least momentary annoyance.

I'd be pissed off too OP, you are not a bad person to feel it's unfair your day has been ruined. Especially when you don't get the opportunity very often. I've seen people furious over much more minor inconveniences.

You ask if it makes you a shitty person, yes it does and a whole lot more. Yes it’s ok to be disappointed but inconvenienced by someone else dying is a horrible way to think. That person will never get to see another day, another day trip, another beach, another anything and you’re inconvenienced because you can’t go on a day trip? Have a word with yourself, go another day and if you can’t during this holiday book another holiday, think yourself lucky you have that option and haven’t just died in a tragic accident!!