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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel a bit offended though he can't help it?

240 replies

KaitlynnFairchild · 11/08/2025 09:31

My DP of 5 years brings his own cutlery and glass to my house because he doesn't like to share things. He had a glass on the bedside table in my room and it had been there for several days so I took it downstairs to wash it.

Unfortunately it is exactly the same as my glasses.

He is now refusing to use the glass because he doesn't know for sure that it is HIS glass. It is perfectly clean, I personally washed it and dried it with kitchen paper. There are no marks or smears on it.

I know he doesn't like sharing and I bite my tongue when he uses his own special cutlery from his own special pouch, but I find it offensive that he can't bring himself to use a clean glass because me or my children (teens & young adults) might have used it.

He manages to use glasses and and cutlery in restaurants/on holiday but takes a bottle of water every where we go so he doesn't have to accept drinks in other peoples houses.

He hasn't been diagnosed with any neurodiversity or mental health issues however I suspect there is something there which is why I bite my tongue usually.

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 11/08/2025 10:29

Why can’t he re-wash that glass to whatever standard and in whatever temperature he sees fit and then use it?

If restaurants are OK because things are hot washed, it’s not just the fact someone before will have put their lips on that glass that freaks him out and there’s some level of cleaning which satisfies him - so let him clean it to that level.

If that won’t do then it sounds like he’s being an ass about it and inconsistent between your house and restaurants which would piss me off

3luckystars · 11/08/2025 10:28

I agree with that, you are dancing with him.

BigWillyHazyHarold · 11/08/2025 10:27

Yes it's actually worse to indulge OCD for that exact reason - it exacerbates the problem for the individual, but it also creates issues for everyone else around them. He gets to bumble along thinking everything is fine and dandy because everyone else is bending over backwards to accommodate.

Original poster
KaitlynnFairchild · 11/08/2025 10:25

ACatNamedRobin · 11/08/2025 09:53

I prefer not to use glasses that my BF's teenage kids use.
So I have my glass that I stash away so it's less likely they use it.
Also I've gone and bought more glasses and got more from a charity shop so that there's plenty so there's less chance they use my one glass.

I think it's the teenagers that he is more grossed out by than me to be fair to him.

Would you refuse to use your glass if it had been in general population? Or would you give it a good wash and crack on?

OP posts:
SerendipityJane · 11/08/2025 10:22

It sounds similar to the allergy to electricity that Jimmy McGill (Saul Goodman) had in "Better Call Saul".

Original poster
KaitlynnFairchild · 11/08/2025 10:22

We very rarely go to bars but he has drank from glasses when we do.

He doesn't think he needs to address his issue because it "doesn't affect his life" - the reason it doesn't affect his life is because we work round it.

I am pretty understanding, I deal with all kinds of quirks from my son so I know sometimes people can't help how they feel and it's not always rational.

It's just his complete refusal to accept that his behaviour is offensive that has gotten my back up.

OP posts:
KhakiOrca · 11/08/2025 10:15

It's so strange. So he will kiss your mouth and other body parts, but won't drink from where your mouth has been, yet eat and drink from where thousands of mouths have been? Does he drink from pub glasses? I've worked in a bar and the glass washing is pretty grim! In my own experience!!

rainbowstardrops · 11/08/2025 10:13

How on earth are you tolerating this?!
If he can’t bring himself to drink from a glass that I’d washed then my body wouldn’t be available for him for sex. He’s choosing to be able to eat in restaurants, even though complete strangers have handled the glasses and cutlery but not from the person that he supposedly loves and trusts. Absolutely not!
He doesn’t have little quirks, he’s down right weird/ill!

Nopenott0day · 11/08/2025 10:02

I voted YABU. Because you are, to put up with this level of behaviour from another adult.

PInkyStarfish · 11/08/2025 09:59

I would be concerned that at times of stress his OCD would worsen and then it could be any manner of strange behaviours that take over his rational thinking.

What would annoy me is that he is quite happy to live his life like this and hasn’t gone for counselling or hypnotherapy etc to help him overcome these irrational fears.

Brefugee · 11/08/2025 09:59

oh have seen OPs update. No. He needs therapy.

And i wouldn'T put up with someone thinking i was unclean.

3luckystars · 11/08/2025 09:59

It’s no longer ‘in the bud’ it’s a fully overgrown rose bush.

whitewineandsun · 11/08/2025 09:59

He has been in our life 5 years and still thinks we are unclean to the extent he can't use a clean glass in my home.

But you're good enough to swap bodily fluids with? And yes, the phrasing is intentional.

Absolutely not.

Brefugee · 11/08/2025 09:58

owlexpress · 11/08/2025 09:53

Sounds like some form of OCD but if everything else is otherwise fine, i would indulge it.

Agree it sounds like OCD, but I don't agree to indulge it. I have OCD and it can be horrendously debilitating, but it's not fair to subject people to your compulsions. He needs to seek help.

perhaps "indulge" is the wrong word?how easy is it to get therapy for what may be a very mild case of OCD?

As i understand it, from what i have read (and listening to that MP talk about it in parliament many years ago) it can escalate into awful awful feelings leading to extreme behaviours that can seriously impact someone's life.

Is there any help, or self-help resources, to "nip this in the bud" or contain it?

3luckystars · 11/08/2025 09:55

Special cutlery in a special pouch, 😬that would turn me off and actually turn stomach, how has it come to this?

Wake up woman.

whitewineandsun · 11/08/2025 09:55

And actually, you having to buy special cutlery and glasses would piss me off. It shouldn't be your expense.

CurlewKate · 11/08/2025 09:55

I wouldn’t be offended. But I would, unless he has a specific ND diagnosis, think he was a dick and not want anything to do with him as a romantic partner. If he was really nice, I might be OK to have him as a friend, though.

owlexpress · 11/08/2025 09:54

Also just to say, OCD isn't logical so it's not fair to say 'oh he's fine with X so should be fine with Y'. You can have an obsession with germs in one setting but be fine in others, or be unable to leave the house for fear of leaving the hob on but not worry about taps and flooding, etc.

Original poster
KaitlynnFairchild · 11/08/2025 09:53

He doesn't have visitors at his home, he doesn't make people feel comfortable and relaxed there so nobody comes.

He washes his things in a normal way, he isn't fussed about them being sparkling clean, just that they haven't been in anyone else's mouth.

He does have other quirks (lots!) like certain tubs are for certain types of foods, he eats his breakfast from a particular colour tub, he won't walk on grass ever, he buys two of everything so that he always has a new one ready to use, this included shoes, so he used to wear vans, he would have the pair he was wearing and a new pair in the box. When his current pair wore out he had to buy a new pair to keep in the box before he could wear the existing pair in the box.

Like I say, he's undiagnosed with anything but there is clearly something there, that's why I usually accommodate things. I just found this particular 'quirk' a bit offensive.

He has been in our life 5 years and still thinks we are unclean to the extent he can't use a clean glass in my home.

OP posts:
Thedoorisalwaysopen · 11/08/2025 09:53

This would give me the complete ick, sorry.

OSTMusTisNT · 11/08/2025 09:53

Unless there is back story that you let your mangy flea ridden poodle drink out of your glasses.....

You either accept it as he won't change or maybe think of moving on.

ACatNamedRobin · 11/08/2025 09:53

I prefer not to use glasses that my BF's teenage kids use.
So I have my glass that I stash away so it's less likely they use it.
Also I've gone and bought more glasses and got more from a charity shop so that there's plenty so there's less chance they use my one glass.

BigWillyHazyHarold · 11/08/2025 09:53

And yes there clearly is some mental health issue there. Most likely OCD.

owlexpress · 11/08/2025 09:53

Sounds like some form of OCD but if everything else is otherwise fine, i would indulge it.

Agree it sounds like OCD, but I don't agree to indulge it. I have OCD and it can be horrendously debilitating, but it's not fair to subject people to your compulsions. He needs to seek help.

tripleginandtonic · 11/08/2025 09:51

He can have sex with you though. I'd be letting him go, you don't need his OCD screwing with you and your family