To feel a bit offended though he can't help it?

Forget about OCD for a minute, this man has you jumping to attention, and his so called quirks appear to me anyway, to be his way of controlling you. He's masking that with the glasses thing. Note, it doesn't happen outside your home does it?

If he ever went backstage to a commercial kitchen, he'd never eat out again.

I don't like sharing a glass not even with a partner which people have found odd because we've shared other things 🫣 but a washed one ! Should be fine. Saying that, he can get his own distinguishable set and wash it himself if he's otherwise not too hard work 😅

I really like your farting analogy. It's exactly the same. You couldn't help it, but that doesn't mean you're not going to apologize and recognise the impact on everyone else. Could you explain it to him that way? At the moment he's not seeking help because doesn't impact his life - can you explain that it's impacting yours and you'd like him to care enough about that to take action?

That’s not my point though is it?

he may not call it a pouch.

Your choice really. your decision on whether he is worth it to you or not. Given that the glasses are identical, how did he know that you had mixed them up?

It could be OCD - and I am no expert but I understand that accommodating OCD makes it worse, so it might be worth him looking into having it checked out and look into therapy for it.

People keep going on about sex but it's not a rational thing, you can't make it logical. That's why it's classed as OCD or similar rather than just someone who is overly concerned about germs in general.

If he was a keeper he’d make the effort to get a diagnosis and then the appropriate support/therapy. I’d have sympathy with that. But id he’s just expecting you all to put up with it cos its “just his way” then sorry no.

And the special pouch would turn me right off. I mean, just the word “pouch” gives me the shudders.

He may not be able to choose how he feels, but he has proved he has some element of choice in whether and how he acts on those feelings.

If you choose to enable him to think his choices don’t affect anyone else, so he needn’t try to get help to act differently, that’s up to you, but I couldn’t.

I couldn't be doing with that. There's no future in terms of you living together. You can't go to his house - he doesn't make people feel welcome in his house. He has problems that you will never be able to help him overcome.

This is next level batshit. I could not be with such a person. Where do you see yourself in the future OP?

Maybe he doesn’t enjoy it as much and is forcing through it . Where as at ops he can be more relaxed and enjoy it .so no I don’t believe it’s bollocks

What is his logic when you ask him why he can use a glass in a hotel/restaurant that countless strangers will have used, and he has no idea what their cleaning standards are like but can’t use one only you and your kids have used and he could wash it himself at your place so that he knows it’s perfectly clean?

also if he’s happy to kiss/have sex with you why is he so repulsed by using a glass you have previously used that’s been washed in between.

He is absolutely fine in terms of sex, not an issue for him at all funnily enough, despite the fact I have children with someone else

I always wonder how such people are able to manage La Sex.

Have you asked him?

The more you write about him OP the more it becomes clear that his issues go much further than only drinking out of a certain glass. You say you don’t want to move into together because you can’t bear the thought of subjecting your children to his demands, but you are already doing this by acceding to his expectations of how things will be run in YOUR house. I know his quirks are driven by compulsions that he currently has no control over, but they are impacting your childrens lives and that isn’t fair on them.

I think , for all your sakes , you need to somehow persuade him that he needs help and therapy for the limits he is putting on you, your kids and your relationship . What happens if at a later date your children and their partners have babies and his compulsions start to extend to them ? You can probably lock the dog in another room when he calls round, you couldn’t do that with a baby!

He sounds like he is a walking bag of issues, and YABU to take issue with this particular one.

If you choose to stay with him and accept him as he is, this is just another irrational foible that you live with.

I couldn't do it.

Glad you are living in different houses and really hope he is bringing an amazing amount to your relationship in many many other ways. (Really, why are you with him?). As PP says: you can't choose your children, but you can choose your partner.

Bollocks do they go through a "super washer". An industrial dishwasher has a quick wash that takes 4 mins.

You should not need to justify how well you cleaned the glass by saying there was no marks on it and you dried it with kitchen paper. Most people wouldn’t give a hoot!

This man needs a couple of sessions of hypnotherapy or something to sort it out. It’s crazy he can eat from restaurants but not your cutlery! I’d lose patience unless he gets help.

Agree, and indulging him is not helping him long term.

But there is a fine line between indulging/enabling and being understanding.

Has the behaviour escalated any in the last few years? That's how you can tell if you're enabling him and not helping him.

I think it’s fairly clear he does have a mental illness as this is quite extreme. But I’m not sure your logic holds - plenty of people wouldn’t share a toothbrush with their other half for example, despite kissing and having sex with them. He is just taking it to a further more extreme level.

That’s not normal and it sounds like a phobia type thing. I can understand when at someone else house or in a restaurant l him not enjoying using their stuff, though not that you could take your own crockery to either without looking unhinged, but to your house? I assume he’s happy to kiss you and share bodily fluids? Yet he doesn’t want to share a glass? Bonkers!

I say the above as someone who struggles to eat at peoples houses even though I know they’re clean, I can’t do it. I can eat something my DH makes though as it’s him….

You're very wise to keep two different homes.