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Original poster

I can’t believe they done this

169 replies

schoolie258 · 11/08/2025 09:13

Me and the dad have split up years ago. We have a daughter. Shes only 10. Just found out the dad has been in prison for the past 9 months and no one told me.
i now don’t want her to see her grandparents or her dad. It’s nothing but manipulation and lies from them.
I know I’ll end up being the bad guy but I’m sick of just letting them always have their way. He went to jail, they lied to me and my daughter about it. My daughter is upset coz she’s not seen her dad for 9 months and really wants to see him but if they had spoken to me and told the truth maybe she could have went to visit him.

I don’t really know what to do. I’m inclined to stop contact and tell them all if they want to see her they will need to go through the proper channels and go to court.

I have always just let them see her when they wanted despite knowing they are liars and her dad is a narcissist but this is a new low

he went to jail for selling and probably using god knows what.. he also owed a lot of money to some dangerous people so it’s a safety concern for me too as they know where he lives (with his parents)

i suppose I’m asking for advice? I’m not sure what to do for the best.

OP posts:
RimTimTagiDim · 11/08/2025 10:30

Swimswans · 11/08/2025 10:18

The Only exception is serious abuse, so a little abuse is always better than nothing....
Please check yourself.

Show quote history

Excuse me?

Swiftie1878 · 11/08/2025 10:27

Stop all contact immediately. You’re putting your child in danger placing her in the home of a drug dealer.

They need to go through the courts, but if I were you I’d counter their application with a restraining order for safeguarding purposes.

At some point you need to talk to your daughter about this too, and given her age, I’d seek advice on how this should be done.

SnoopyPajamas · 11/08/2025 10:27

You're in a tough position, OP. In your shoes I'd be feeling pretty done with it all too. But it's understandable you don't want to cut your daughter off from that whole side of her family.

My compromise for now would be that she only ever sees GPs when you're around. And if they ever break that or encourage her to lie to you again, contact is done.

Good luck.

comeandhaveteawithme · 11/08/2025 10:26

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/08/2025 10:22

Did he write to her in the meantime? That would imply he's more child centred. If not then I have little sympathy for him

He can't have done because you know if a letter has come from prison, so the OP would have known much sooner than 9 months.

diddl · 11/08/2025 10:26

So your daughter has been seeing her Gps & lying to you (at their behest?) that she has also seen her father?

If so I think she needs to stay away rom all of them.

That is disgusting behaviour.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/08/2025 10:25

IfIHadAHeart · 11/08/2025 09:52

They should have told you, but I don’t think any of you should have told your daughter. And there’s no way on earth I’d take a child to visit someone in prison.

I would they have very child friendly visitors rooms my friend used to work in one

ProudCat · 11/08/2025 10:25

How on earth do you think you're going to come off as 'the bad guy' in all of this?

The bad guy is the dude who got time for being a drug dealer. I can't imagine any situation where a kid would grow up and then turn around and say 'I hate you because you wouldn't let me hang out with my junkie / criminally insane dad.'

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/08/2025 10:25

Evaka · 11/08/2025 09:50

Good god, please don't enable a relationship between your little girl and a heroin dealer who owes money to criminals.

Be wary of taking advice from people without experience of family courts op

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/08/2025 10:24

TaborlinTheGreat · 11/08/2025 09:48

I don’t want to be seen to be cruel and taking her away from her dad.

Keeping her away from a heroin dealer is not cruel.

Courts award time to much worse parents than this

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/08/2025 10:23

Sorry I have just seen they told your daughter to lie to you- that's awful - how confusing for her: no contact except supervised in contact centre paid for by them

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/08/2025 10:22

Did he write to her in the meantime? That would imply he's more child centred. If not then I have little sympathy for him

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/08/2025 10:22

I don't think that the grandparents kid is that bad to be honest it was to protect their child

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/08/2025 10:21

INeedAnotherName · 11/08/2025 09:40

her dad is a narcissist

I see this a lot and wonder why women keep facilitating and encouraging their children to be around such people without a court order forcing them. Just why??

I can answer this. Because he is a fun dad and my son likes playing with him, and also because I was advised if I didn't support fine regular contact he might be given 5050
In court as I had no concrete evidence of his domestic abuse etc, that wasn't a risk I was willing to take. I'd rather have no court order and be free to reduce contact later if needed. If my son is distressed by him.

comeandhaveteawithme · 11/08/2025 10:20

Good god, what an absolute waste of space. Not seeing your own child for a whole 9 months is absolutely unacceptable behaviour, no matter what the reason.
To find out it's because he's in prison for selling heroin is just the icing on the cake
To have not been informed of this is the bloody cherry on top of the shitty cake
And to round it all off, as if al of that wasn't bad enough, he's clearly not even doing a good job selling heroin as he's still living with mummy and daddy.

This person bring no value to your daughter's life, to your life, or to frankly the life of any person anywhere, neither do is crappy heroin dealer raising parents.

Sack the whole lot of them off.

Swimswans · 11/08/2025 10:18

RimTimTagiDim · 11/08/2025 09:49

The evidence shows that it's nearly always better for children to have contact with both parents, even when one is a pretty shit parent/person. The only exception is serious abuse. It's very likely in your daughter's best interests to continue seeing her father and grandparents, despite their lies and his very bad choices.

The Only exception is serious abuse, so a little abuse is always better than nothing....
Please check yourself.

RimTimTagiDim · 11/08/2025 10:13

Evaka · 11/08/2025 09:51

Do you really believe that in this case?

Show quote history

It's not a matter of belief. It's well documented.

Original poster
schoolie258 · 11/08/2025 10:11

Redburnett · 11/08/2025 10:05

Stop all contact with her father and GPs.
If he applies to court you have exceptionally strong evidence that it is not safe for her to visit given his conviction and prison sentence.
I doubt if any court would consider allowing a child to go to the home of a heroin dealer.

Oh but he didn’t do it. According to the grandparents he’s innocent and he was set up and framed (eyeroll)
this is what they’ve always done. Honestly he could commit a murder and they’d defend him and probably help him hide the body! It boils my blood. He’s almost 40 btw. I don’t know who’s more stupid. Him or them. They’re all as bad as each other

OP posts:
SunnyPrague · 11/08/2025 10:10

schoolie258 · 11/08/2025 09:19

He is in jail for selling heroin. He gets home today. She does have a good relationship with her grandparents but I don’t think it’s healthy to be in that environment. It’s just always arguing, lying, manipulation. Maybe he’ll change after coming out but I won’t hold my breathe tbh

Show quote history

Oh dear.

I wouldn’t want my child anywhere near drugs, drug-takers or drug-dealers.

Your child, understandably, loves and misses her dad. But this is a safety and protection issue.

Can he perhaps have regular supervised access at a ‘contact centre’?

Could you ask social services for help/ advice/ support in managing this?

Redburnett · 11/08/2025 10:05

Stop all contact with her father and GPs.
If he applies to court you have exceptionally strong evidence that it is not safe for her to visit given his conviction and prison sentence.
I doubt if any court would consider allowing a child to go to the home of a heroin dealer.

Thelnebriati · 11/08/2025 10:03

Only unsafe adults tell a child to keep a secret.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 11/08/2025 10:01

fraughtcouture · 11/08/2025 09:56

You had a child with a heroin dealer?! WTF?

Presumably they weren’t shagging at the same time he was doing the dealing? OP probably had no idea, or considering they’ve been split for a while it could be a new “interest”.

chowmeinz · 11/08/2025 10:01

fraughtcouture · 11/08/2025 09:56

You had a child with a heroin dealer?! WTF?

I missed the part where OP said he was actively dealing 10/11 years ago and she knew about it…

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 11/08/2025 10:00

schoolie258 · 11/08/2025 09:44

Well they had told my daughter he was away working a secret job. (Really?) and I had asked about him a few times and she’d say he was at her grans. So not only have they lied about it they e also told my daughter not to tell me. I asked her why she didn’t even tell me he was away working if that’s what she thought but she said if he was doing a secret job she didn’t want to get him in trouble

Show quote history

This is where you draw the line. Yes , you’ll be seen as the bad guy , but ultimately you need to protect her from the bashittery, illegal activities, lies and secrets. The fact that they think this kind of behaviour was ok, makes them a major safeguarding risk and makes your daughter vulnerable.

Original poster
schoolie258 · 11/08/2025 09:59

fraughtcouture · 11/08/2025 09:56

You had a child with a heroin dealer?! WTF?

Well technically yes but not intentionally! He wasn’t doing that back then. Or maybe he was. I don’t believe a word any of them say anymore

OP posts:
fraughtcouture · 11/08/2025 09:56

You had a child with a heroin dealer?! WTF?

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