Page 4 | DP said no to baby 3 but thinks he can have a puppy !!!

Idontwantapuppy · 2025-08-10T20:41:37+00:00

I wanted dc 3, dp said absolutely not. I was quite upset but obviously if he doesn’t want another child then that’s that. However he has decided he wants a puppy. I said no I really don’t want a dog. He has said ‘but you wanted a baby - a puppy is much less of a commitment- you’re only saying no because I said no to you!’ Which isn’t the case at all. I said no because I’m asthmatic and just don’t want a pet. I’m a bit of a clean freak and don’t want doggy mess / hair / slobber in the house. I said to him it’s nothing to do with the fact he said no to another baby it’s a totally separate issue and I’m not applying bitterness as he says I am and just saying no to spite him. He’s saying if he wants a dog he has every right to. AIBU ? He says I clearly am as if I’d commit to another child then a puppy is a lot less of a commitment so I’m being deliberately difficult apparently

tripleginandtonic · 11/08/2025 08:40

SlieveMiskish · 10/08/2025 21:42

He doesn’t understand the work that’s going to go into the puppy. It’s almost the same as the baby.

It isn't anywhere near the same amount of work.

thinklagoon · 11/08/2025 08:38

cherish123 · 10/08/2025 22:36

Neither of you are bu.

The DH is being unreasonable to behave churlishly over OP’s refusal to get a dog, to nag her about getting a dog, and to use her desire for a third child to attempt to manipulate her into agreeing to getting a dog. The last is particularly cruel.

Elphamouche · 11/08/2025 08:36

A dog is more of a tie than a baby.

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 11/08/2025 08:36

Both adults need to want to- or at least agree to the dog - whatever else has gone before. Dogs do bring a lot to a family - but they are a huge tie as every plan you make needs to factor them in. Unlike children, they never become independent. Persuasion maybe - but nobody should be pressured into getting a dog.

Theroadt · 11/08/2025 08:30

SlieveMiskish · 10/08/2025 21:42

He doesn’t understand the work that’s going to go into the puppy. It’s almost the same as the baby.

Not remotely equivalent.

Tablesandchairs23 · 11/08/2025 08:25

Your husband is a dick. A baby and a dog are not the same thing.

Ansjovis · 11/08/2025 08:25

When it comes to a living being joining the family, all adults involved must enthusiastically consent or it doesn't happen. The fact that a third child is a no go is irrelevant to the puppy situation. And it is a completely different situation. A child will eventually grow up and you can teach them how to use the toilet, have conversations with them and they'll become self sufficient. A dog is going to bark, shed hairs, require consideration whenever you want to leave the house or go on holiday and require you to pick up its mess forever.

SumUp · 11/08/2025 08:22

No is a complete sentence. Tell him that no is your final answer and that he must respect your decision, as you have his, regarding adding to your family.

reversegear · 11/08/2025 08:17

Who’s home with the dog all day? Would it be him or you? Besides that if you don’t want a dog don’t get one they are hard work regardless of what he’s saying .

5128gap · 11/08/2025 08:14

If you want to stay together youd probably benefit from some help to work this through. You're working as hard as you can to come to terms with it, but are really just sealing it in a box and trying not to think about it. Trouble with that is, it will have a tendancy to keep escaping. You already think your H is selfish and inconsiderate for denying you a child. You already have seen him in a different light. The puppy and other future disagreements will just keep adding fuel to that fire. I think you need help to decide how you're going to make life work with a H who has denied you what you want.

Original poster

Idontwantapuppy · 11/08/2025 08:09

5128gap · 11/08/2025 07:45

I suppose many of the arguments against a puppy, the work, the expense, the restriction on your life, the change to the home, the mess, all apply to babies to a greater extent than puppies. So if you used any of those as arguments I can see his logic. Obviously what he's missing is the concept of cost/benefit, whereby you think all of those things would be worth it for a child, but not for a dog because you want one and not the other.
Personally I think this puppy business is part and parcel of deeper issues of incompatibility around the third child issue. An argument about whether to get a dog shouldn't lead to a rehash of that argument if you were both accepting of where you were. You remain resentful and he remains defensive about that, and unless you properly work through your feelings about what is a very big deal, I think these lesser disagreements are going to keep emerging.

No I didn’t really try to argue my point I kept it quite simple and said I felt I would like one more baby and had been feeling that way for about 18 months, he was a firm no immediately the second I’d stopped speaking. So I didn’t even try to persuade him otherwise. I do agree though it shouldnt have reignited the baby issue and what’s weird is that he was the one bringing it up and using it. It just felt very manipulative almost presenting me with the option of something he wants that’s apparently pretty much the same as what I wanted (when it’s really not !) and getting irritated when I didnt fall for that

OP posts:

MasterBeth · 11/08/2025 08:08

BIossomtoes · 10/08/2025 21:45

Not all dogs slobber and some breeds are hypoallergenic, ie don’t shed or produce dander. And he’s right - a dog is less of a commitment and less expensive than another child.

They all smell and shit and need exercise and vets bills and are a huge responsibility, though. If the OP doesn't want a dog, she doesn't want a dog.

Original poster

Idontwantapuppy · 11/08/2025 08:05

When he said no to me I had to really get myself into a place of moving on and to do that I was focusing on the benefits of not being so tied down if that makes sense? I’ve had to work hard to try and be ok with not having more when I didn’t feel done and I’ve done that quietly, myself , had moments where I’ve had to just take myself off to rebalance my mind. I’ve told myself I can work more, have more time for the dc we have, hobbies and our relationship and I just feel a bit sad that I’ve have to work so hard on that and felt quite isolated in doing so, and I know it’s the right thing but to then be spoken to about something that would create more work, stress and limit freedom in a lot of similar ways just makes me feel that he’s really inconsiderate bordering on selfish and ignorant. The sulking we’ve had too - it’s really unattractive

OP posts:

5128gap · 11/08/2025 07:45

I suppose many of the arguments against a puppy, the work, the expense, the restriction on your life, the change to the home, the mess, all apply to babies to a greater extent than puppies. So if you used any of those as arguments I can see his logic. Obviously what he's missing is the concept of cost/benefit, whereby you think all of those things would be worth it for a child, but not for a dog because you want one and not the other.
Personally I think this puppy business is part and parcel of deeper issues of incompatibility around the third child issue. An argument about whether to get a dog shouldn't lead to a rehash of that argument if you were both accepting of where you were. You remain resentful and he remains defensive about that, and unless you properly work through your feelings about what is a very big deal, I think these lesser disagreements are going to keep emerging.

MissHollysDolly · 11/08/2025 07:32

Who will train the puppy? Get up in the night to take it to the toilet? Crate train so it doesn’t destroy the house? Stay home and look after it rather than go to work? Walk it - as a puppy small walks a few times a day? Give it attention constantly and let it outside every 10
mins when toilet training?

Createausername1970 · 11/08/2025 07:02

BIossomtoes · 10/08/2025 22:07

They’re not even hard work for very long. Once they’re housetrained - which takes days if you work hard at it - the rest is relatively easy.

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I have a dog and that's not my experience.

My experience has been that puppies and young dogs are like small children, need constant attention and training/parenting.

Old dogs are like having an elderly parent living in the house. Constantly checking for mishaps, trips to the vet, managing medication and a changing diet.

The bit in-between is similar to a young school age child. They need feeding, walking, entertaining and loving attention. Yes, you can leave them in their own, unlike a small child, but generally not for more than a few hours, so you still have to factor the dog's needs into your plans on a daily basis.

Kids grow up and become independent. A dog doesn't, it needs your input every single day of its life. If this isn't your experience, then I would be concerned for the dog.

hardtocare · 10/08/2025 23:46

I’d have 2 more babies before I’d have a puppy (having made the mistake of getting one 3y ago that I’m still living with)

DorothyStorm · 10/08/2025 23:42

Idontwantapuppy · 10/08/2025 21:53

What is really getting to me is the fact it’s being thrown back in my face that I wanted another baby , yes I did but when he said absolutely not I had to just accept that and get over it and the way he’s now using the fact I wanted another baby against me in his reasoning for wanting a dog is really making me quite angry ! It’s very manipulative and I’ve told him I don’t appreciate it at all.

It is manipulation and bullying. Make your sentences shorter. No.

Avoidhumans · 10/08/2025 23:39

No to both.

76evie · 10/08/2025 23:38

He is being unreasonable not you. I think he also under estimates the commitment a dog requires and the work a puppy take. At least with a baby you can take it with you everywhere you go!

MrsHiggins1 · 10/08/2025 23:34

Pets aren’t for everyone! I have a dog, but she’s more like a cat in personality, so I understand the “not really a dog person” vibe. Having children AND pets together is a lot, so if you’re not into it, you shouldn’t have to pretend you are!

Goldbar · 10/08/2025 23:25

It's a weird argument... puppies are less commitment than children so you should be ok with having one.

It's a bit like you wanting to go deep sea diving and him saying no, that's too dangerous, but why not go hill walking instead because it's safer? But you didn't ever want to go hill-walking, you wanted to go deep sea diving, so it's completely irrelevant to you that hill-walking is safer.

I'd just tell him that you won't share your house with or take care of a dog and it's up to him what he does with that information.

nomas · 10/08/2025 23:22

I’m guessing you would be the one stuck feeding, walking and cleaning after the pup.

Make it clear that if he gets a dog you won’t be doing a single thing for it or staying home with it.

99bottlesofkombucha · 10/08/2025 23:03

Wigtopia · 10/08/2025 22:41

It’s silly logic he is using. By his own logic, him saying he wants a puppy should mean he wants a 3rd baby. It the same argument in reverse!

puppies are heck load of work and as pp said with lots of responsibility.

Also consider your lifestyle and if it’s realistic in terms of how long you’re out of the house each day including weekends and holidays! You can’t take dogs everywhere and even if dogs are permitted your dog would need to be comfortable/well trained enough to a variety of environments otherwise it can be stressful for them

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this too- if they are so related since he wants a dog he must want a baby! And you won’t be allergic to the baby…

99bottlesofkombucha · 10/08/2025 23:02

BIossomtoes · 10/08/2025 22:07

They’re not even hard work for very long. Once they’re housetrained - which takes days if you work hard at it - the rest is relatively easy.

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not really. Not if you work- then you need to find someone to spend time with and check on the puppy as it’s not fair to just leave them at home, find a dog walker, it doesn’t take days to not be woken at night…

hell would freeze over before I signed up to care for and pay for a puppy, while of course I’d look after a baby. Your husband is being very selfish and manipulative. Does no mean no or does only his no mean no, and how much of the hard work was he planning on doing anyway ?