DP said no to baby 3 but thinks he can have a puppy !!!

this. all of it.

Exactly, and you can’t just take them with you on the plane when you want to go on holiday

because there is no such thing as a hypoallergenic dog.

But we have children to teach them to go off into the world - we make them independent teach them how to do things by themselves and send them off to school.

Pets are entirely dependent on their owner for all the decisions they can’t talk, you have to learn how to read their communication etc.

they need looking after if you want to go on holiday

vet expenses can run into thousands, food isn’t cheap day to day running expenses for a pet etc

and you see them through as you say the life cycle from birth to death and all that comes with old age

the reason we are seeing animal rescues overwhelmed at the moment is people who don’t see having pets as the commitment that it is. Either we can’t commit to another child so let’s have a pet - when the financial and time reasons they didn’t have another child impact the pet. Or children want a pet but obviously aren’t equipped to deal with the huge responsibility that comes with it.
or a man wants a dog but you can bet won’t do half of what is needed

Children become adults and most of them leave home. Mostly they don't need someone to take them for outings, serve up their food, allow them access to the place where they toilet, give them regular attention and so on. Many many dogs live longer than 10 years. In the final years of their lives, they often become more dependent and need more care than puppies do. I'd love to have another dog, all of mine have lived to past 14, the last one to almost 16 and in every case, the last year to 18 months was very hard. I don't regret a second of it and would do it again if my circumstances allowed but over the time that they are alive, I'd say yes they are a massive committment.

Or if you are ok with cats, you get a baby and he gets a cat.

This is all true (apart from the noise in our case). However, as I'm a massive dog lover, it's worth it for me. That's the crux of the matter. In all of the families I know, the women does all of the 'care' regardless if who wanted the dog.

And if OP doesn’t want to have a dog in the house?

How about you get the baby and he gets a hypoallergenic puppy? Win win instead of lose lose.

dog lover here and this is completely and scientifically true. people are allergic to the protein in dog pee and saliva as well as the protein in dander.

As far as dander goes, this is incorrect. Dander is skin flakes. All dogs have skin, which sheds. One of my DC is badly allergic to dogs. We discovered this when we were about to get a dog. I asked the consultant immunologist about “hypoallergenic” dogs and was told categorically that no such thing exists because all dogs shed skin. The thing people are allergic to is in the skin flakes and also saliva.

Dogs can never be more of a commitment than a child can they? They only live approx 10 years.foe a start. Yes they are a pain but it’s not the same as creating a human life and bringing into this troubled world we have now is it.

Nonsense.

No breed is hypoallergenic. All dogs have dander. All dogs have saliva, whether they are slobbery or not. All dogs pee.

Allergies are triggered by proteins in dog pee, saliva, and dander. No dog is hypoallergenic as they all pee, salivate, and have dander.

Some dogs have less dander and shed less. This is better for some allergy sufferers. Others will still have allergic reactions because there is no such thing as a hypoallergenic dog.

HTH.

Yup if he wants a dog he should be able to have a dog. But it is HIS dog and he is solely in charge of it and its mess.

😆

Looking after pets properly is also very expensive

If you're truly not being spiteful, then I have always thought that everyone in a household has to be on board with having a puppy, or any pet with commitments.

Time commitments have to be shared with everyone so it's not fair to the animal, or other people, if these can't be met.

I actually found a puppy harder work than a newborn baby. They can run around as soon as you bring them home, they shit everywhere before you train them and they chew your clothes and furniture. At least human babies don’t move at the beginning and by the time they’re causing chaos you’ve kind of warmed up to it.

I would love another child and would hate a dog.

I have other friends who have dogs and would hate a baby. Definitely different things imo.

Suggest he signs up to borrowmydoggy.com.

’He was a firm no [to ttc DC3] immediately the second I’d stopped speaking’

You have given him your reasons for your ‘no’ to his idea of getting a dog. Simply not wanting one would suffice IMO! Keep it firm and don’t engage further.

His arguments and sulking to seek to get his way are indeed manipulative.

If a partner sharing (or indeed doing most of the) care/cost for a dog was a relationship deal-breaker for him, he should have made that clear at an early stage.

You say DP not DH and say you offered to ‘work more’ If you’re not married, working full time is sensible.

Not in my experience of admittedly 1 dog! House training was a piece of cake, everything else hard. My fault, didn’t do enough research!

Sorry but as a long time dog owner, I think that's not quite right. A puppy needs full on attention for months and training for years, at least two and a half, probably. They can be immensely destructive if bored or under-exercised and can't be left for very long. They need hours of exercise every day, rain or shine. In my view dogs are a huge commitment.
Obviously they are not children and not the same as children but I wouldn't underestimate the time/effort/commitment/cost.

dog lover here and this definitely. I think there are aspects where it definitely is comparable and of course aspects where its not. But its irrelevant. Its like moving house, one of you making a big job change or anything else that is a life changing decision for a couple. Both get a say, both get a veto. Do you normally have a problem agreeing on joint decisions or has this come out of the blue. Has he articulated to you why he doesn't want another child? Have you articulated to him why you don't want a dog? Do you KNOW you are allergic to dogs? Has he offered to do extra cleaning and so on or do you think it will all fall on you? I wonder if these disagreements are not the problem but a symptom?

This!

Id put a new puppy up there with a newborn baby until all of you get used to the new routine.

I also think you'd end up looking after the dog, so hold firm to stop that happening.

Had he told you previously that he wanted a dog? DH and I have always grown up with dogs so we both knew that it was important to us to have one. I would have been pretty furious if we agreed that and then got married had kids etc and he said no. That said, I bought the dog before he moved in so I didn’t give him the chance!

I love dogs but they aren’t the same as kids. We have a 2 year old and a 12 week old. We’re always having to think about the dog first before making plans, timing her walks around us going out, not staying out too long, making sure we have care for her before booking trips etc. Whereas an extra child would just slot into your life and accompany you - nothing would really change there would just be more of you.