DP said no to baby 3 but thinks he can have a puppy !!!

Yes because as a PP said there is no such thing as a truly hypoallergenic dog

they don’t shed hair as easily that is the difference

the OP would still be putting her health at risk

I have had a dog and I have babies. They are not the same at all. I would never get a dog again because they don't like being left at home which makes it difficult to holiday or have days out. They're also barred from many public places, unlike children.

And yeah, they're animals, so yeah dog hair, poo, wee, vomit, daily walks, vet trips.

Getting a dog will change your lifestyle and not in the same way that having another child would.

There are more than 30 hypoallergenic breeds.

https://www.thesprucepets.com/hypoallergenic-dog-breeds-5181208

Also the only non allergenic dog breed I can think of off the top of my head is a labradoodle and they are complete nut cases and can end up the size of a small pony!

He wants a puppy, but wants you to do all the donkey work because 'you wanted a baby and a puppy is easier'.

Fuck that!

My ex always wanted a dog, I was not on board, and he wouldn't agree to the cats I wanted. We are now divorced and I have two cats who I love to bits but they are a lot of work, mess and expense.

A dog is all of the commitment of a baby with few of the benefits. Add an allergy to that and it's really unreasonable of your DH to try emotionally blackmail you into it.

Dogs are a massive tether, lots of work and expense, and they don't even grow up to make you a coffee

(DD just brought me a flat white. Yesterday she helped wallpaper rh living room; grown kids are amazing)

We have 2 families we are close to - we all had our first children relatively close together so have watched them grow up together. A few years later, 2 of us had second children and 1 adopted a puppy - so the puppy is the same age as the 2 younger children. We had a running joke of trying to work out when the children became more clever than the dog because it was startlingly similar for quite a few years.

I think it was around 3 - the children could sit and be left to their own devices sometimes and had playdates and nursery and friends and such. And the dog was still (and remains still) a toddler. Everything revolves around the dog - they need to work out how to go on holiday, how to work, who is doing what - and now that the dog is older there's different medical needs and such that come up. Of course they think it is worth it (and the work of our children is also worth it!), but it's very obvious that the dog basically froze as a toddler while our children got easier and easier as they got older (of course there's no guarantee for children and there could be any number of additional needs or similar, it was just a funny observation from this specific situation)

Anyway - conclusion is both that dogs are hard work AND that no one should bring a baby or a pet into a family who isn't 100% committed as it's a lot of work and requires a good partnership.

If you already have kids, I would argue another baby is less restrictive than a puppy. You have already adapted your life to facilitate the children and their needs. A puppy has different needs, your children don’t need to be walked every day, they will gain more independence as they get older, you can take them with you most places. A puppy on the other hand can’t come to Lanzarote for the week, can’t take itself out to the toilet, make itself a drink! I love my dog to death, but if I didn’t I would find her really hard work because she needs everything doing for her.

Does he know how he felt about a third baby? I think it might be worth explaining to him how much work you’ve put in to reconciling yourself to that and that it’s very upsetting for him to bring it up again now. At the same time I’d say you do understand that it’s upsetting for him to not have a dog if that’s what he really wants, but the fact is that you don’t and he needs to respect your views on this. I assume you didn’t sulk about the third baby? He’s being a dick and needs to stop this behaviour now. Just as you have had to accept no third baby he needs to accept no dog. The two things are not connected, a dog is not a substitute for a baby. But you do both need to agree on either and the fact is that you don’t so that’s the end of it.

It’s a big commitment if you don’t want it!

Of course he can have a puppy if he wants to but it should be a joint decision while you live together. He would not want you to get a baby without him agreeing (and being involved in the process) would he?

Tbh it’s so appalling that you have health issues and knowing that he is behaving like this. Also wanting baby is not the same as waiting a puppy. They are very different. Yes, there is a similarity in terms that you commit to some duties and responsibilities but one is not replaceable by the other automatically.

One of my DC saw a hospital consultant about an allergy (not to animals): he said there’s no such thing as a ‘mild allergy’ and to take it seriously, he advised avoidance/minimisation of the allergens.

I'd choose a dog over a baby, but I'd never try to manipulate dh into either. Any additions that are serious commitments need an enthusiastic yes from us both.

Yes, and she accepted that without any argument or manipulation. He’s selfish and, in throwing the baby issue back at her, bordering on cruel (I suspect it’s more a complete lack of empathy - he has no idea how hard that has been for her). He doesn’t care about what she wants - if he doesn’t want another baby, they don’t have another baby; if he wants a dog, they’re getting a dog.

I’d choose a baby over a dog any day!!

YANBU at all OP.

Absolutely right to say no to the dog if you don't enthusiastically want one. It's worrying that he's being such a dick about it though. I think you should tell him what you've said here, about how sad you were but that you respected his decision - tell him all the work you did to make yourself 'okay' with not having another baby. And ask him to justify his behaviour towards you. Why is your opinion always worth less than his?
His response would be a deciding factor on the future of this relationship because he's honestly coming across as mean, immature and selfish. Honestly, I don't think his response to the baby question should have been an outright no, without further discussion - he owed it to you to think about it and not just shut it down. He's clearly given no thought as to how upset you were or how you've had to work to overcome it.

How are things otherwise? You say he's a dp not a dh - that has implications for finances etc . You don't have to say here, but sometimes the circumstances around that are relevant. He's not coming across well on this thread, so worth considering if this is part of a wider pattern before you close off opportunities in your own life due to his preferences.

Similarly, if her husband doesn’t want another child, he doesn’t want another child.

This is good advice. In one sense it was very mature of you to not try to argue and convince him about having another, but I suspect it also means he has no idea how hard that has been for you. You probably do need some support in processing your feelings better, but he also needs to know how you feel and how this recent behaviour makes you feel about him and his lack of care for you.

Have you said all that to him? If you can’t say it, write it down and get him to read it. He needs to understand what he’s expected of you in saying no to another child and how you’ve handled that, and the comparison to his current behaviour. He’s right that a dog is not equivalent to a child - it’s much less of a sacrifice that he’s being asked to make, so he needs to get over it.

Sure, he just needs to house it in HIS own (not THEIR shared) house, because noone should be forced to live with a dog if they don't want to.

It can’t be good to take antihistamines every day for years. Does it not reduce their effectiveness over time?

Yes, I’m allergic to some ‘hypoallergenic’ dogs. And all dogs seem to be smelly if not bathed all the time. Trouble is, owners get nose blind quite quickly.

I think it depends on the individual and level of allergy. If it’s a mild allergy, she might be fine with a low shedding variety. I know plenty of people this has worked for.

Exactly. For the dog lovers it’s all part and parcel - some if my friends who were reluctant in the first place end up resenting the the dogs - especially the one that turned out to have a very expensive and hard to manage dog. He bit several children including mine and her own.

And my friends got a hypoallergenic dog and weirdly as my thing is usually cats I wasn’t good with him at all!

Abother friend who was desperate for a dog went in heavy duty antihistamines to get through it