To think indecision is bloody rude

@Zoono isn't incapable of making a decision, just won't.

Dithering isn’t a disability.

Please ignore those ableist remarks.

Surely it's on @TombsofAtuan and @xLittleMissCantBeWrongx to realise people are different.

Yeah but sometimes when you give them options they are still like “I don’t miiiiiind 🙃”

Twats. All of them.

If I ask what they 'want for breakfast' and they say 'anything is ok' (to be honest that is too open a question for someone who will not know what you have in the your cupboards/fridge, perhaps don't want to seem too demanding) I'll say 'I'm having poached eggs on toast for myself is that ok or there are cornflakes or Weetabix in the cupboard if you prefer', if they say another 'anything is ok' then eggs it is.

Agree. I don’t know what options they have, what they feel like making or what they can make.

I just give people options and go from there, makes it more simple for everyone.

No one’s asking you to change ‘how your brain functions’, just to stop burdening other people by your inability to make a decision. If you can make a decision on your own, you can learn to make on in company.

This is why, I don't socialise much haha. It's really not that simple for me to change how my brain functions haha.

Sorry but surely it’s on you to work on this, rather than everyone else to pick up the burden of making decisions for you (an adult) and be “understanding”.

No offence…

I recently hosted a friend over from abroad who wouldn’t decide anything - where to go, what to do, what to eat etc. It was incredibly draining. And then she hinted at the end of the day that I was bossy! It has really strained the friendship and I don’t look forward to her coming over again to be honest!

Don’t give them any options. Put breakfast on the table. They help themselves or they don’t.

Arrange your day. Tell them the plan. They come or they don’t.

hand them a take away menu and a note pad. They write down their order or they don’t.

Stop pandering to this ridiculousness. Grown adults should be able to express a simple food choice.

It's definitely rude, it puts the onus on you to make every decision for them.

I would just say 'nope, I'm not deciding this time, it's your turn!' and force them to pick an outcome and go with it.

Well, now you know you’re being incredibly irritating, if you didn’t know it before, so change your behaviour?

I am exactly like your family. Im shy and probably nd and can really struggle to make these kind of decisions when I'm not on my own. Most of my friends would also respond like your family. You don't seem very understanding, no offence.

Oh wow, you are describing my whole family and in laws, this is exactly how my MIL is, she came to visit us in london where we live now to see our new baby but SIL took over all decision making (prob because MIL is so passive) and she spent most of her time roaming central london instead of seeing us at home. At the end of the trip, she said ‘it’s a shame i didn’t see the baby more.’ I was like this until I moved and travelled, learned how to communicate and make decisions in my 30’s. I realise how annoying it is now, it actually makes you feel like they are not having a good time because surely you’re choosing things for them that they couldn’t always be enjoying.

God my mum does this - I think she thinks that if she does this, no one will notice that she’s not actually eating anything 🙄

Don't ask them. Tell them what suits you. We are leaving for x at 10.30. We are having quiche and salad. If they don't like the plans they will tell you. If they genuinely aren't bothered you will get your preference.

I would much prefer someone to tell me what options they have this is what winds me up…me I don’t eat eggs or cereal. If a host said full English or cereal yes of course I would pick between the two. But it’s when you get what do you want for breakfast well I don’t know what you have in and I don’t eat the standard breakfast staples of eggs or cereal… give me a choice otherwise I would very much like smashed avocado on toast please with chilli flakes sprinkled on the top or I’ll have yoghurt and granola. Ahhh well we don’t have those in im afraid!

well reading this I think I now need to demand from my hosts going forward 😂 it genuinely doesn’t come from a place of not caring for me it’s from a place of not putting them out. And I would never bitch about a choice I didn’t make. If I really didn’t want to go somewhere I would shout up or I wanted to go somewhere say on a city break I would say this looks good. But would never moan about a choice if I didn’t make a decision on it

I can't see it as passive aggressive, that seems a bit odd, unless you know that person is deliberately trying to annoy you.

It's annoying sometimes, but if someone asks me if I want tea or coffee in their home I will sometimes say 'whatever you're having' because a) I don't mind one way or the other what I have and don't have a preference and b) my friend has a fancy schmancy coffee machine and I don't want her to have to be fannying about with it for me if she wants tea herself.

@Gsyllama Hahaha, you’ve just defined why I find my dad’s partner so annoying: the endless offering. I’ve never ever seen her sit at the table for a whole meal, forever up and down to the kitchen to find more things to offer: this would be nice with hot sauce, wouldn’t it? I’ll just make another salad – shall I toast some nuts? Oh, why don’t we have bread rolls as well as potatoes, would you like that? If she manages five minutes at her plate it’s a worry, so much sitting still will inspire her to say, “Oh, we should have had this meal as a picnic – shall I pack it up for the garden? Or maybe a pub with a garden? What does everyone think?”

So it’s still indecision but packaged up in a different way. Meanwhile the rest of us decided on and ate our dinners with all this mania going on.

I stayed with mum for an extended period of time once, soon after graduating from Uni. My (now) DH was visiting for the weekend and I was making me and him chilli.
Me: "Mum, I'm making chilli. Do you want me to make enough for you to have some?"
Mum: "Oh no don't worry about me, but if there's any left, I'll have some".
Me: "There won't be any left unless you let me know you'd like some. Would you like some?"
Mum: "Oh no, don't worry. Don't make me any, but if there are leftovers, I'll have a bit".
Me: "There won't be any leftovers. But let me know now if I should cook for 2, or 3 people!"
And on and on and on...

I loathe this.

I have a friend who will message me and say “do you want to do something with the kids on Saturday morning?”

”yeah sure. What do you have in mind?”

”oh, I don’t mind, whatever you want to do…”

Every. Single. Time.

I’ve started saying I’m not free.

For me, it was the endless repetition of it over the years - the irritation of someone who can’t or won’t say what they’d fancy. . With food, too - Dm was a fussy eater anyway, so after I’d made something excluding what I knew she didn’t like - ‘eggy’ eggs 😂, chicken (because it’s a bird), tomatoes, she’d start picking e.g. bits of green pepper out of her dinner.
‘Oh, don’t you like green pepper?’
’I’m not over-keen.’

That last turned into something of a family joke!

Anyone else a Cabin Pressure fan? This is exactly Martin's mum and the Wokingham episode does a wonderful job in showing why it's so annoying.

My own mum can be more of the guessing game type. "you choose" "oh, not that". This also works the other way round with her offering things "help yourself" then complains about the choice. My dad and I described this as"you can have any colour as long as it's blue".

So, I am with you and meeting up with someone like this is exhausting... BUT so can being constantly offered things. (again, my mum) who will say help yourself and then every minute say "would you like an apple or banana" and won't accept "no, thank you" because she thinks I should have one and will offer repeatedly every few mins (especially if you open a book, after being encouraged to relax)

Best by far are people who have opinions but are relaxed. An enthusiastic response to some things, honest and comfortable enough to suggest something else, not going to have to precise a requirement

For breakfast question, is it you cooking? Imagine them saying eggs Benedict. Do you want them to say the simplest choices? Like cereal from cupboard or would you be ok for them to express their genuine choice?