To think indecision is bloody rude

That’s my DH. Drives me insane!!!!!

The only time I understand and sympathise with this is in restaurants. Certain family members won’t decide until someone sets the “price point” as they don’t want to look like they are getting a dish that’s too much money. Especially if someone else is paying.

Just narrow to a choice tea or coffee, cereal or toast, lager or wine? It really is that easy lol 😆

Obv we weren’t there but I don’t think it’s rude or PA, I think it’s just really annoying.
I have a relative like this and I just don’t bother asking him anymore. I just make the plans

You need to preface the questions with the answer you want. Ie ‘I’d like to go here today, do you want to come’. Or ‘I’m boiling the kettle for a cuppa would you like anything’. ‘I was thinking we’d have salad for dinner how does that sound’. And even ‘please can you plan our afternoon outing for today’

I get really bogged down when people ask me to make a lot of decisions on Inga I don’t really care that much about.

@Neveragain35

“I don’t mind is not an option” is a phrase I’ve started using in our house, especially with the teenage DC! It can be so infuriating being the one who has to plan the meals, days out etc. It puts a lot of pressure on you, because then if it doesn’t go well or they don’t like it, it kind of feels like your fault because you’re the one who planned it.

When I first met my DP (who is a chronic people pleaser) he was like this: he would always say: "I don't mind" when asked what he wanted to eat. I started saying: "You either have an opinion or you cook your own food. Why don't you pick the easiest of the two options?" That learned him.

But if you want a coffee just tell her! I’m sure she didn’t buy the fancy coffee machine just for herself, she’s probably quite happy to use it!

In that situation I would ask for the coffee and then compliment her profusely on her fancy coffee choices- win/win 😁 (unless you actually do want tea…)

To me it sounds like they don’t want to inconvenience you by asking for something specific so they are basically saying they are happy to have whatever you want to give them.

Maybe just rephrase your question and just say ‘I’m making bacon sandwiches for breakfast, do you want one?’ Rather than ‘what do you want for breakfast?’.

It is exhausting though after a while, just wish people would give a yes or no answer.

“I don’t mind is not an option” is a phrase I’ve started using in our house, especially with the teenage DC! It can be so infuriating being the one who has to plan the meals, days out etc. It puts a lot of pressure on you, because then if it doesn’t go well or they don’t like it, it kind of feels like your fault because you’re the one who planned it.

To be fair I think I used to be a bit like this as I am genuinely pretty easygoing and a people pleaser… but since being on the receiving end I now realise how annoying it is!

If someone at work kept placing more and more files of their work on your desk then silently walking away and ignoring you and you have to complete all work placed on your desk, would you find that behaviour and the subsequent workload horrible?

Being horrible is what you are doing to the person asking coffee and tea. If you won’t put in the effort to answer then why do you expect others to do the work for you

I do the opposite with a particular friend who is like this - we don’t meet up very often but he is much busier than I am so I resent offering “Friday afternoon or evening? Saturday afternoon? Sunday afternoon?” when he then rejects everything. I now just say “great, let’s go to Wagamama at 4pm on Friday 16th” then let him work himself around that.

Because she wants coffee but doesn’t want to say that but is secretly hoping her friend will want coffee so she can have some. Or she’s hoping the friend will read her mind that she wants coffee, otherwise she would have just said yea.

Then why can’t you just say “tea”

Exactly this, and what if both parties just kept saying, I don’t mind, I don’t mind back and forth? Nothing would ever get done.

Exactly, on top of my family being indecisive, passive etc they are also extremely fussy eaters so when I decide on a dish to make or a restaurant they’ll then tell me they won’t eat it but still won’t decide where to go!

I have a friend like this who will text asking if I want to go out but will never suggest anywhere. I reply with ‘Yes, that sounds great. Let me know where you want to go and I’ll book it for us both/meet you there’

That way it forces her to make a decision instead of making me choose every time and do the thinking for her. If I ask her to go out, I make suggestions in my original text and if she tells me she doesn’t mind, I choose where I want us to go.

Agree, that kind of behaviour ( it they do it all the time) makes people sound like weak people pleasers who are afraid to rock the boat in any way and inconvenience people

Good grief, really?
Quick conversation, I know you want to be low maintenance and no inconvenience (which you aren't). However I won't continue to ask you for input into meals or what we are doing. If at any time you disagree with anything, would like anything else please just say.
They aren't going to change so you need to and you just need to be a bit more directional.

What if the other person will feel bad in case they’ve made a bad choice, or they just really want to know that you’re into it? Does that sort of thing just not occur to you?

My mother is like this, she thinks she is being nice and not inconveniencing someone by doing it but it’s so annoying, and even when she knows it’s annoying someone she still won’t stop, as a person she is a bit like a sheep sometimes and will go along with what everyone else is doing because she think that doing otherwise makes for an inconsiderate person.

One time at dinner most of the guests were having a certain drink except for one woman who ordered something something different ( perfectly within her right) …..after dinner my mother was talking about this woman and the gall she had to order something different !

It sounds really annoying!

DS (11) has just started doing this and it’s really annoying!

That would drive me mad and they would be told. You need to pick one. Like seriously tea or coffee and they can’t pick.

Yes I agree with that. Moaning if youve said you don’t mind IS annoying.

I mean, I guess this is going to have to be another one I chalk up to ‘neurotypicals are weird’ because I absolutely would not think they didn’t want to go if they just said they don’t mind what we do. I would MUCH rather be told ‘we are going here and doing this’ than being asked what I wanted to do because being put on the spot is a lot of pressure to me.