Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For as long as I can remember I have never been scared of dying and often welcome the thought.

46 replies

0BLIVIOUS · 10/08/2025 18:49

I’d like to understand why people are so eager to live? People with huge health anxiety and terrified about doing all sorts of things in case they die.
I feel like I have (in the past) put myself in very dangerous situations because I never really cared. The only reason I care now is because I have children and wouldn’t want to leave them.
sometimes I think dying would be great.
I hope this isn’t upsetting or insulting to anyone, just trying to understand why I feel like this

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 10/08/2025 21:34

I kept going while my kids were teens.

i was in an accident that left me in a wheelchair and in permanent pain.

now they’re grown I can live life at a slower pace and I actually have much more enjoyment and happiness in my life.

i’m not scared of dying (although I’d prefer the process to be as painless as possible) but I do now enjoy life.

OpenThatWindow · 10/08/2025 21:31

bestcatlife · 10/08/2025 21:19

I'm actually terrified of dying. I have nightmares about it. I wake up in the night with a sense of dread that one day I'll die. I've had a traumatic life, and I'm actually amazed I made it to 40 because I didn't think I would. I have dark thoughts quite regularly and I have sort of given myself around 5 more years. But even so death scares the crap out of me.
I watch NDE's on YouTube to try and reassure myself. The vast majority of experiences are positive.

Just think - we're only returning to where we were before we were born.

Wherever that is - afterlife, nothingness - we've already been there. That's how I feel, I find it comforting.

0BLIVIOUS · 10/08/2025 21:24

bestcatlife · 10/08/2025 21:19

I'm actually terrified of dying. I have nightmares about it. I wake up in the night with a sense of dread that one day I'll die. I've had a traumatic life, and I'm actually amazed I made it to 40 because I didn't think I would. I have dark thoughts quite regularly and I have sort of given myself around 5 more years. But even so death scares the crap out of me.
I watch NDE's on YouTube to try and reassure myself. The vast majority of experiences are positive.

Can I ask what is actually scary about it?
is it pain? Or leaving people? Or something else?

OP posts:
bestcatlife · 10/08/2025 21:19

I'm actually terrified of dying. I have nightmares about it. I wake up in the night with a sense of dread that one day I'll die. I've had a traumatic life, and I'm actually amazed I made it to 40 because I didn't think I would. I have dark thoughts quite regularly and I have sort of given myself around 5 more years. But even so death scares the crap out of me.
I watch NDE's on YouTube to try and reassure myself. The vast majority of experiences are positive.

arcticpandas · 10/08/2025 21:00

I quite look forward to dying. Just afraid of suffering or becoming a vegetable. I feel more dead than alive most of the time so it won't change much😅

HappyHedgehog247 · 10/08/2025 20:55

I feel so different to this. I love the world and am really sad I only get one shortish lifetime and that I already have more behind me than ahead. My life has included trauma and big mistakes and many things I can't now change but the beauty of nature inspires me.

OpenThatWindow · 10/08/2025 20:51

I've never had any fear of death - and I don't have children so I don't have anyone to worry about being left.

I have a really happy life, but oddly if I died tomorrow I'd be at peace with that!

Even with privilege, this is a tough old world to live in.

Gnarab24 · 10/08/2025 20:45

Yeah I don’t worry about dying, especially once I got my head into the space where I realised everything just ends. Like an infinite general anaesthetic. I was more apprehensive when I thought I’d have eternity ruminating on my fuck ups.
Im more concerned about growing old and living in a world of increasing inequality where only the incredibly wealthy have a chance at a ‘nice’ life. I don’t see there being much provision re health care/pensions etc once I’m in my 80’s so I’d rather not be in my 80’s.

TaborlinTheGreat · 10/08/2025 20:41

I'm not scared of the idea of being dead, only the idea of dying from disease or in other painful, drawn-out ways.

schaba · 10/08/2025 20:34

I’m afraid of dying unless it’s instant or in my sleep. My 56yo sister died 2 months ago and the anger, loneliness, pain, that she faced at knowing she was dying unexpectedly was horrific

0BLIVIOUS · 10/08/2025 20:30

TeenLifeMum · 10/08/2025 19:21

I’m far more scared of my dc dying before me than dying myself. Losing loved ones is so painful. Far worse than dying imo.

I suppose I have not really lost anyone close to me so I don’t really fear anyone dying either

OP posts:
0BLIVIOUS · 10/08/2025 20:30

I’ve done loads with my life, I travelled the world for four years.
I’m not a miserable person
Just couldn’t give a shit if I die
Im glad other people seem to be just the same. Only concern being leaving our children with the trauma

OP posts:
0BLIVIOUS · 10/08/2025 20:28

iamjustlurking · 10/08/2025 19:20

I also am done. But as my DC have experienced the trauma and devastation of losing their DF its the only reason I keep plodding on
Noone knows I feel this way I have a successful career and on the surface like I have it all together.
If I could just go and not leave heartache behind id happily do so.

Yes I’m done too

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 10/08/2025 19:21

I’m far more scared of my dc dying before me than dying myself. Losing loved ones is so painful. Far worse than dying imo.

iamjustlurking · 10/08/2025 19:20

I also am done. But as my DC have experienced the trauma and devastation of losing their DF its the only reason I keep plodding on
Noone knows I feel this way I have a successful career and on the surface like I have it all together.
If I could just go and not leave heartache behind id happily do so.

Ballykissmangle · 10/08/2025 19:16

I’d like to continue living because there’s a ton of places I’d like to see and things I’d like to do before I die. The world is full of amazing stuff. Aside from that, if I died it would devastate my parents, daughter, and hopefully husband.

The only health condition I’m afraid of is dementia. I’ve done a lot of reading about how to reduce my chances of it and thankfully no family history. However, I wouldn’t call it anxiety.

Minecroft · 10/08/2025 19:11

user593 · 10/08/2025 18:57

I used to feel this way too until I had children, now I have health anxiety!

Exactly the same. I’m not arsed about death per se. But I am terrified of leaving my children before they are able to fend for themselves. I feel/hope that once my children are adults my HA will probably resolve.

Dangermoo · 10/08/2025 19:09

When I lost my husband in 2012, I started to question my own mortality. Now, I want to live and enjoy my time. I was very scared of dying when younger. I still am but put things more into perspective, as each year goes by.

KittenKins · 10/08/2025 19:09

As the saying goes ''dying is easy, living is harder'.

I am not afraid of dying such, but I am concerned for those I would leave behind & the heartache that would be experienced. While people do adjust to the loss of a person, the impact is often life long.

Risk taking in youth is hardly uncommon, but with age usually comes maturity & responsibility.

Risk taking as an adult is possibly something that should be explored.

Pleasegodgotosleep · 10/08/2025 18:59

Because i have people I love that depend on me. Because i dont want to leave my children motherless and i want to see every moment i can with them. Because i want every second i can have with my dh who is my best friend.

user593 · 10/08/2025 18:57

I used to feel this way too until I had children, now I have health anxiety!

Swipe left for the next trending thread