Partner’s 11-year-old daughter visits regularly/stays with us and there are ongoing issues around boundaries. She often speaks rudely to her dad and spends a lot of time on her phone, including at the dinner table and late at night.
I’ve suggested simple house rules like no phone at mealtimes and no phone after 9pm. She’s made it clear she doesn’t think she should follow these as I’m not her parent. Her dad is reluctant to enforce any rules, saying he doesn’t want to cause conflict.
The result is tension between us whenever I try to set boundaries, and he frames it as “a problem between the two of us” rather than addressing the behaviour.
Has anyone dealt with this successfully? How do you set and maintain boundaries for a child in a blended family when the biological parent doesn’t back you up?
Am I being unreasonable to want harmony in my own home?