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AIBU?

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AIBU to ask relative to use our actual surname?

131 replies

HaagenYAAS · 10/08/2025 13:33

Husband and I have been married 13 years, one small child.
When we married we decided that we would merge our surnames rather than me take his surname or me keep my own. I know it’s a bit unusual but if felt right for us - a new surname with equal parts taken from each side.
A similar example (not our real name) is that my surname was Mancell and his was Harrison, and we became Manson. It is all legal and done by deed poll, and all our documents etc are all in that name and have been since about a month after the wedding
We told everyone after the wedding and received no negative feedback.
Everyone started sending correspondence to Mrs and Mrs Manson, and then when our daughter was born Miss Manson too. Live continued as normal.
My husband has one relative (his aunt) who only ever sends Christmas cards (and we haven’t seen her since the wedding as she lives abroad and is fairly estranged) but she never uses our actual surname - always Mr and Mrs Harrison (his name).
The cards from her are basic (no chat just to X from Y) but lovely, and we appreciate them. Over the years I have sent personalised Christmas cards that say things like “from The Mansons” on the front etc. and have written “from Bob, Mary, and Rosie Manson” in many cards now, but they keep coming addressed to Harrison.
Is it too late to say anything now?! Or should I include a note (we are moving house was was going to send a “new address” card) asking her to use Manson?
E.g “Please note our surname is Manson” or “we aren’t Harrison, we are Manson” or “For future correspondence please use Manson” ?!
Or will I have to be Harrison to her forever now.
I’m not annoyed per se, but it’s not our name, and I don’t understand why she hasn’t taken the hint from cards before? Maybe she does think the name merge is stupid and she doesn’t agree, but is it worth saying anything or shall I let it go mentally?
We are unlikely to see her in person again excepting family weddings or funerals.

Edit - to add my husband has profound disabilities so it will be be communicating anything to her!

Thanks in advance!
from Mrs Manson!!

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 10/08/2025 13:45

If it's just cards at Christmas, and no cheques enclosed for DC, then it really doesn't matter.

In my mind, I am picturing that you are on a dog eared list that she gets out in November to cross off who died that year and count how many cards she needs.

Whatever you put in the card probably doesn't actually register with her that she needs to change the list.

If she is the only one, and you have tried and failed, then just accept it.

Absolutelydonewithit · 10/08/2025 13:43

Oh I’d let it go op. It’s annoying, but really, is it worth making a bit deal of?

IMissSparkling · 10/08/2025 13:38

I wouldn't say anything.

TizerorFizz · 10/08/2025 13:37

I’d leave her be. Who cares? It’s just a name not used by one person. I wouldn’t be quite so precious over it.

Magnahot · 10/08/2025 13:35

So we are talking birthday and Christmas cards

Really… who cares 🤷‍♀️

how old are they?

youreactinglikeafunmum · 10/08/2025 13:35

How old is this aunt? If she's really getting up there, I'd just leave it for a peaceful life

I love the combination of names idea 🥰

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