Your child(ren) should Never be your best friend

33 replies

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 10/08/2025 12:01

I'm amazed at how many times I've seen a poster refer to their child as their "best friend".

The parent child relationship is unique and to be cherished. We nurture & care for our children but our responsibility is to prepare them to be functioning adults, without our input.

In order to move from being a baby to an adult, our children need to learn things that it is our responsibility to teach them, and they need to step away from us and build their adult life. This is how life is, how we function.

There are times when we need to out in place boundaries, when we say no or have to watch them figure things out - it's part of the growing & learning process.

So to say a child is your "best friend" is to change the parameters of the relationship, to the detriment of the child.

Friendship is a relationship of equals, with some give & take as people's circumstances change. Some friendships are lifelong, some are for a period of time (Uni, small children in common, career friendships etc)

AIBU to say that if you see your child as your "best friend" then you are doing both them and you a disservice?

OP posts:

Needspaceforlego · 10/08/2025 12:22

I think it depends on the age of the child.
As I recall the tale of the Doctors receptionist who thought an 80yo was showing signs of dementia saying she couldn't wait she needed to get home for her Mother.
They checked the records after she left, yes she was going home to care for her 102yo mother!

NapoleonsToe · 10/08/2025 12:22

I agree.

Even worse, my DH's XW came up to me once and said that when DH left, their son became the 'man of the house'. He was 9 at the time

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 10/08/2025 12:18

I don't think it's fair to expect a child to fulfil the role of being a friend to their parent. They need their parents to, well...parent. They should be encouraged to nurture their own independent friendships with their peers, and the parents should look to their own friendships to get their own social needs met.

That said, I think parent-child relationships can still be very close and have elements of "friendship" within them. And as the child grows up, I think the relationship between an adult "child" and their parent can absolutely develop into a genuine close friendship.

So it's all about ages and stages as far as I'm concerned.

FleetwoodCam · 10/08/2025 12:13

Yep, hear this a lot from separated parents especially.
Your child is your child and while it's important to have a good relationship, it's not friendship.
And if your child is your entire world, find some hobbies!

Lottapianos · 10/08/2025 12:11

Totally agree OP. A parent-child relationship is a totally different thing to a friendship. My mother used to confide in me and my sister when we were kids about adult things like how shit her relationship was with my dad. It was extremely inappropriate and has had a long lasting impact on us both. She should have shared those things with an adult friend

needheadphonesnow · 10/08/2025 12:04

Yes, absolutely agree. It's a big warning marker for my line of work if a parent says that. Usually coupled with 'I know I'm too soft' and the child knowing far, far too much adult-level information.

TinyTempest · 10/08/2025 12:04

Preach sister 🙌

Nah, you're right of course.

Goes without saying really.

Although I don't think most people actually mean best friend when they say it.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/08/2025 12:02

Agree. Puts unfair pressure on the child.

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