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Original poster

Partner on holiday without me

83 replies

DancesLikeAFairy · 10/08/2025 11:28

Thanks for reading this long post.
I'm an overthinker, as I have combined ADHD with acute symptoms. My partner and I have a close, loving relationship and have been together almost six years. We're definitely each other's love of our lives. We've not had a holiday together, due to debts from when his his business ceased trading during covid, me unable to hold a job for long (ADHD), as well as me having severe osteoarthritis and waiting to have knees and hipsreplaced, as well as degenerative disc and spine disease. Just added that so it's clear I'm in pain.

I struggle with being stuck home alone and chronic loneliness. We've had many weekends away but not a week or overseas. A few months ago, my partner received a payout and said that he's taking his children away. M 20, F17. He added his parents, then his kids' gf, bf. He said that he'd ask kids if okay for me to go too, as it's a family holiday. I said if he has to ask, then I'm not going! In nutshell, many reasons why others can't go. So he and daughter now on holiday in Cyprus. He calls few times a day. He's told me that I need to choose holiday for 2 of us. Won't be this year cos of weather, affordability, taking leave. Idk how to feel.
Am I being a spoiled brat thinking holiday should be us?
Should I be happy to wait 8 months for our holiday?
I'd hate their holiday- all inc, sat by pool anyway! Please be kind as I'm ultra sensitive. I'm grateful for your comments.

OP posts:
Cinai · 10/08/2025 12:42

It sounds like you had the opportunity to join them. It sounds sensitive that he wants to ask his children first as there often are sensitivities around new partners. He calls you regularly and he said that you can pick the next holiday for the 2 of you. I think this doesn’t sound too bad all in all, considering the situation and that he has to juggle more than one responsibility.

BunniB · 10/08/2025 12:40

I think you have put yourself in this position. Sounds like the holiday isn’t your kind of thing.

why not book something like a cruise together for next year if you can afford it?

StrawberryCranberry · 10/08/2025 12:38

I think it was a bit silly of you to say "if you have to ask, I'm not going".

Deebee90 · 10/08/2025 12:31

You were offered to go and you said no. You also said you wouldn’t like their holiday. Why should they change their holiday for you. He’s offered you another holiday so pick one you want to go. But yes you are spoilt he should be treating his kids too as they should always come first.

Lmnop22 · 10/08/2025 12:27

You were given the chance to go and said no. Basically you’re saying you wish your partner had decided to spend his windfall on taking you alone away on your dream trip rather than taking his kids somewhere….

SugarMarshmallow · 10/08/2025 12:27

I’m going to be horribly honest in your position considering you are struggling with pain and mobility id give my partner the green light to go away with his adult children and then ask to book a separate holiday for just us 2.

Climbingrosexx · 10/08/2025 12:22

After 6 years I would have assumed you would be part of a family holiday? My DH did go away without me and it was awful but that was a one off situation which won't go into due to it being personal family stuff. I have told him though I won't feel comfortable with it happening again and he agreed. Not sure what advice to give but I would talk to him and ask why after 6yrs you are not classed as family? He really shouldn't be asking his kids permission for anything, its his life and you are part of it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/08/2025 11:32

After 6 years who wasn’t it a given that you’d go? Why would he have to ask their permission? And why would you have wanted to go if you’d hate the sort of holiday they’re on? It’s quite confusing how this has come about. Given your health concerns a relaxing break by a pool sounds ideal but you say otherwise.