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Original poster

Partner on holiday without me

83 replies

DancesLikeAFairy · 10/08/2025 11:28

Thanks for reading this long post.
I'm an overthinker, as I have combined ADHD with acute symptoms. My partner and I have a close, loving relationship and have been together almost six years. We're definitely each other's love of our lives. We've not had a holiday together, due to debts from when his his business ceased trading during covid, me unable to hold a job for long (ADHD), as well as me having severe osteoarthritis and waiting to have knees and hipsreplaced, as well as degenerative disc and spine disease. Just added that so it's clear I'm in pain.

I struggle with being stuck home alone and chronic loneliness. We've had many weekends away but not a week or overseas. A few months ago, my partner received a payout and said that he's taking his children away. M 20, F17. He added his parents, then his kids' gf, bf. He said that he'd ask kids if okay for me to go too, as it's a family holiday. I said if he has to ask, then I'm not going! In nutshell, many reasons why others can't go. So he and daughter now on holiday in Cyprus. He calls few times a day. He's told me that I need to choose holiday for 2 of us. Won't be this year cos of weather, affordability, taking leave. Idk how to feel.
Am I being a spoiled brat thinking holiday should be us?
Should I be happy to wait 8 months for our holiday?
I'd hate their holiday- all inc, sat by pool anyway! Please be kind as I'm ultra sensitive. I'm grateful for your comments.

OP posts:
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OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/08/2025 16:11

' unable to hold a job for long (ADHD), as well as me having severe osteoarthritis and waiting to have knees and hipsreplaced, as well as degenerative disc and spine disease. Just added that so it's clear I'm in pain.'

Do you really think / believe you are well enough to go on holiday ?

how on earth do you think you will cope on a plane, in a confined space where you are sat for hours

Skybluepinky · 14/08/2025 15:51

You don’t sound well enough and would spoil their holiday, much better he takes his kids away, you can’t wait until you are well enough to enjoy a holiday.

mcmooberry · 14/08/2025 15:45

I think that as this holiday presumably cost far less than expected with 2 people going rather than 8 he can surely take you somewhere this year as well?

BauhausOfEliott · 14/08/2025 14:01

You sound more and more unreasonable with every post.

CopperWhite · 14/08/2025 13:25

A you can’t afford a holiday yet anyway and you’re wondering if that means he shouldn’t be allowed to go away with his daughter?

That is incredibly self centred. His daughter comes before you and if he wanted to go away with his children, as he should, then it is right that he does whatever makes it most comfortable for them.

It also comes across as selfish that you wouldn’t like the type of holiday they have chosen and think your partner should be doing your holiday the way you want.

Your partners life and the world, does not revolve around ypu.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/08/2025 13:13

Does your partner actually live with you ?
as you don't see very much of him - every 2nd friday evening for a weekend.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbaam · 14/08/2025 01:11

You’re being unreasonable in the sense that he can go on holidays without you and that’s not an issue, but if after 6 years I wasn’t considered part of the family, I’d be rethinking the entire relationship. I think I’d be really hurt.

Why is he going off on holidays inviting people left right and centre instead of paying off the debt though? Unless the money was enough for both things?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/08/2025 00:54

You may prefer to go this year but you can't afford it until after January.
That's life. We live according to our finances.

Original poster
DancesLikeAFairy · 14/08/2025 00:17

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon
He's paid for the current holiday. I'll be paying the next holiday. The point is that I'd much prefer to go this year, but I i can't as he's gone without me, and I won't have the money 'til January

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/08/2025 00:04

'I don't want to wait til next year for a holiday.'

but...

is he paying for this holiday that you don't want to be until next year ?

Original poster
DancesLikeAFairy · 13/08/2025 23:45

Lmnop22
There wasn't a windfall. A small payout. There were initially 8 people going, then dropped to him, me, 17 year old. I was told that it would be strange for three of us. That's why I questioned how I should feel. Our holiday next year, when we haven't had one for 6 years. His kids have had two a year.

OP posts:
Original poster
DancesLikeAFairy · 13/08/2025 23:40

AND I've just seen that Flashflash102 is actually Flashflash1002.
ADHD owes me. 😊🤪

OP posts:
Original poster
DancesLikeAFairy · 13/08/2025 23:39

To other posters....I'm very sorry that my random posts didn't make sense! I haven't done this before, and I thought i was responding to the post I'd just read. Still, as my mum used to say, "You can't be good at everything." 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
DancesLikeAFairy · 13/08/2025 23:36

Flashflash102
Just to add that my partner had a company, and a house, but lost both during covid. I spent a week there with his kids, and weekends too, both depending on what my children were doing. He didn't work away then and wexsoent all our time together. There were going to be eight people on holiday when he said he'd ask his kids if I could go. My anger was that 17 and 20 Yr old kids were taking their own bf, gf, of less than one year, but I had to be granted permission. His reasons were that it was a family holiday. When i said about the bf,gf, he said that kids wouldn't go without the bf, gf. For many reasons, only me, him, 17 year old able to go. Idk really know how to feel. He and I haven't had holiday together. Our holiday together will be next year. I know he should go with his 17 Yr old. I also wonder if there should have been a holiday at all? I would have been happy with him and both kids BTW. I don't want to wait til next year for a holiday. Guess i am though! And to the people saying not to rely on court case, it's been a very long time and £amount is now being calculated. I'm going to spend £ on my kids, he and I, as he's been supportive, loving, and generous. I don't doubt our relationship. The queasy should I feel bad about him on holiday with one kid, when our holiday will be next year? I think I'm a bit disappointed because I thought we were all going. Also, to my shock, he's hired a car and they're going to different places ! Looks like someone was a little bored with the pool , and evening entertainment. 😊

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/08/2025 22:26

I wouldn't like not being considered 'family' on a 'family holdiay' if I've been with him for 6 years, but do you make an effort with his big kids and vice versa or do you do your own thing when dad spends time with them?

Ohnobackagain · 10/08/2025 22:18

@DarkForces thanks for your input. I actually said I was on the fence about him - all any of us can do is give our opinion based on what OP shares with us, that may change as she shares more. OP can choose to agree or ignore any of our comments.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/08/2025 22:00

DancesLikeAFairy · 10/08/2025 16:50

Thanks for telling me what to do.

Who?
You haven't quoted anybody.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/08/2025 21:57

DancesLikeAFairy · 10/08/2025 16:34

I didn't say he'd done wrong.
He's with one child.
I'm hardly paraplegic. Where have I said that I need help to get around?
I believe you meaned to type 'you're' as an abbreviation of 'you are.'

I believe you meant to type "meant" as the past tense of "mean".

Flashflash1002 · 10/08/2025 18:05

I was prepared to be gentle like you asked but after reading through the thread and seeing your rather snappy responses to well meaning people, I can only see that you're very self centred and spoilt! Your partner on the other hand sounds lovely.

I did initially feel a bit ugh when you said he had to ask permission from his kids. But thinking logically, they likely haven't met you much when you yourself only see him at the weekends, and he goes away to see them so they don't come to yours? At their age, I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be going on one of our first family holidays since 2019/20？ with a lady I'm not familiar with. And I love that he's putting his kids' needs first, I don't get your issue at all? He's only holiday with his daughter, not a bunch of lads getting drunk and going to strip clubs?

And you'll get your holiday with him soon, once you've had your operations and are more mobile and fit to do whatever you wanted? You don't even want to go on their current holiday, and you don't even have the funds for it! A 17 year old girl likely isn't interested in your type of holiday (especially as she probably doesn't even know you that well), so your partner is making sure his kids get their holiday and making sure you get your holiday - sounds like a lovely man!

CarpetKnees · 10/08/2025 18:03

Createausername1970 · 10/08/2025 16:56

I admit to being a bit confused as in your opening post you are stating that you are waiting for a knee and hip replacement and in constant pain, but in your updates you are saying their lazing by the pool isn't your idea of a good holiday and you want to get out and about.

It is strange that his first holiday was with his family and didn't include you from the start, but given your various health conditions and the fact that you don't like this type of holiday, maybe he thought it wouldn't be your choice - which it isn't - so he would spend quality time with his family doing what suits them, then quality time with you doing what you prefer.

It's nice that he is considering his original family as well as his new partner, many men don't. So other than perhaps he could have swapped the order around, I am not sure he is really at fault.

This.

Plus, I think the word 'partner' is doing quite a lot of heavy lifting for someone you only spend 4 days a month with.

I mean, if that works for you, obviously it is great, but it gives a very different feel for where the relationship is, from what I inferred in your opening post.

LadybugsAndSunshine · 10/08/2025 17:36

I don’t think he has done much wrong. If his 17 year old daughter had been asked if it was okay with her that you came on the holiday and she’d responded with.. I’d really hoped it would just be us would that have been okay with you?
He offered to ask his children and you made it clear that you thought that was unreasonable and declined, what should he have done?
I’ve been with my husband for 12 years, he has a 15 year old daughter they regularly go on trips to Cornwall/Dublin/Wales/Devon. We also go away separately together and have a big family holiday but I wouldn’t dream of imposing on his time and holidays that he has separately with his daughter.

Needpatience · 10/08/2025 17:36

If I was planning to go away with my kids then I would ask them if it was ok to bring my partner too. They are younger but I don’t think this will change. When they are older, if they don’t want a holiday with my partner then I’ll do separate holiday’s (and budget to make that work including the holidays being at different times if needed).

If you’d gone when they weren’t happy with you going then there would have been tension and that wouldn’t have been fun for anyone. You’ve said no so he’s offered you an alternative holiday. That sounds reasonable from him.

DarkForces · 10/08/2025 17:32

Ohnobackagain · 10/08/2025 17:28

@DarkForces That is why I said ‘potential’.

Dumping someone over something that hasn't even happened yet is bonkers. Op hasn't said how they planned to pay for the holiday they'd like to be on right now. That's what the relevance is. If op was expecting her bf to pay because of an as yet unrealised court win then surely your point about who is taking financial advantage is reversed?

Ohnobackagain · 10/08/2025 17:28

@DarkForces That is why I said ‘potential’.

Jamesblonde2 · 10/08/2025 17:28

He might have wanted to go on holiday with someone he could do some activities with. It sounds like you have mobility problems if you’re having many of your joints fixed. Also, why are you lonely, do you not have friends you can see?