Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Train etiquette

684 replies

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 10:41

Was getting the train back to London from a day out in Folkestone yesterday with my husband and my 1 year old. It’s not possible to book seats on that line. We arrived at the platform 30mins early because we knew it would be busy. As soon as the train arrived people literally pushed us out of the way to get on. Then there was a man with 2 bikes by the door, we couldn’t attempt to move to another carriage because we wouldn’t get on and the trains only run once an hour. People tutted and moaned because I was having trouble getting on. There wasn’t space to keep the buggy up so I had to carry him and people thought it was acceptable to let me stand holding a 12kg toddler, he can’t walk yet and is very energetic. I spoke out and was given a seat but everyone gave me dirty looks as if I was in the wrong. If I rocked up late or if seats were assigned I would say fair enough but I was there early and they all pushed in front. The icing on the cake was the seat I was given was in the area with the tables so he was given a makeshift drum and thought it was a social event so he proceeded to babble at everyone for the hour , people were not impressed. Is there an unwritten rule that you don’t get trains with kids? I don’t have a car

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
ilovesooty · 10/08/2025 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You can't assume that because some people are challenging you

BIWI · 10/08/2025 11:11

FanofLeaves · 10/08/2025 11:06

jesus wept, a website called Mumsnet and every other poster seems to despise children 😴

Nobody has said anything here about despising children! However, there’s been a significant pushback at a poster who thinks that because she has children she should be treated differently. Big difference.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 11:10

FanofLeaves · 10/08/2025 11:06

jesus wept, a website called Mumsnet and every other poster seems to despise children 😴

Nobody has said anything to indicate any strong feelings toward the toddler.

fretnot · 10/08/2025 11:10

I totally understand your frustration and upset OP. You do expect some kind of etiquette around vulnerable passengers in a platform crush when otherwise it’s the law of the jungle and the people getting on the train are just the biggest and strongest. Would any of you on this thread elbow past a mother and child to get on the train first? I wouldn’t.

Seeline · 10/08/2025 11:10

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 11:07

If you read my post you would see the main issue is that they pushed me out the way and tutted at me

So were you faffing about?
Were you standing in the right place, by the door, when the train stopped?
If you'd just stepped forward onto the train, I don't see how people could have pushed in front. You need to be assertive.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 10/08/2025 11:10

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 11:09

I would like to stress the main issue wasn’t the seat and I actually always give up seats to older people , pregnant people , people with crutches etc . The issue wasn’t the overall experience, the combination of rudeness and lack of empathy from others

Pregnant people? You mean women?

chowmeinz · 10/08/2025 11:10

I think the issue is the OP arrived 30 minutes early and expected some sort of invisible queuing system to be in place.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 11:09

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/08/2025 11:07

I’m 61, my husband 66. No-one would be shoving us!

Well, I'm not sure you can stop them tbh.
I've commuted loads, folk in their 60s shoved and were shoved along with everyone else.
OP isn't 61 though.

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 11:09

I would like to stress the main issue wasn’t the seat and I actually always give up seats to older people , pregnant people , people with crutches etc . The issue wasn’t the overall experience, the combination of rudeness and lack of empathy from others

OP posts:
OneNeatBlueOrca · 10/08/2025 11:08

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 11:07

If you read my post you would see the main issue is that they pushed me out the way and tutted at me

So what. Why was your need to get home any greater than anyone else's. You don't know what's going on in people's lives.

Bearsinmotion · 10/08/2025 11:08

That line is a nightmare. My son and I travelled up there on a Saturday morning, got on at an earlier station. By the time we got to Folkestone it was exactly as you described it. I was in the wheelchair space, in my wheelchair, there was an old man opposite me perched on a metal bar. No one offered him a seat, but there were so many people standing he couldn't move much further down anyway. It was all very unpleasant.

AgnesX · 10/08/2025 11:07

When it's busy, people are assholes on public transport of most kinds, and it's a shame, but unsurprising that noone helped.

That said, what was your husband doing, did he not help with the toddler or the buggy?

PS sorry, caught up with that.

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FanofLeaves · 10/08/2025 11:07

pinkyredrose · 10/08/2025 11:05

Why do you think you deserve a seat just because you've got a kid? Trains are obviously busy at the weekends.

Because holding a child makes you less able to stand for a long period of time, and it’s less safe to do so. That is obvious.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/08/2025 11:07

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 11:05

Everyone shoves to get on busy trains, it's been that way forever.
Is it pleasant? No, of course not.
Is it to be expected? Yes, of course.

I’m 61, my husband 66. No-one would be shoving us!

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 11:07

JazzHandsYeah · 10/08/2025 11:04

Ah @EmJA85 that makes sense. I live near Stratford, I’m disabled and use crutches to walk. Also can’t drive with this condition so I’m used to getting trains. I very rarely get a seat and have had people barge past me to get to a seat. The last time I asked someone who was sat in the designated seat for those who find it hard to stand if I could possibly sit (at Stratford interestingly), I was told to f-off and then sworn at for the rest of the journey.
People can be shits, you didn’t do anything wrong. Shrug it off and enjoy your Sunday x

You do deserve a seat more than most.
OP isn't disabled though.

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 11:07

If you read my post you would see the main issue is that they pushed me out the way and tutted at me

OP posts:
OneNeatBlueOrca · 10/08/2025 11:07

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 11:05

Do you have kids? And if so, are you strong enough to hold them on a moving train for an hour? I would have stood if it was safe

Edited

I think as you're posting on mumsnet there's a very high chance that most of the people on here have children.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 11:06

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 11:02

As ignorant as people on this thread

Edited

Ignorant why exactly?

FanofLeaves · 10/08/2025 11:06

jesus wept, a website called Mumsnet and every other poster seems to despise children 😴

JMSA · 10/08/2025 11:06

Aww, you got unlucky OP. It happens unfortunately.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 11:05

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/08/2025 11:02

One man had 2 bikes? (missing point entirely …..).

For those saying they’re irritated by families who travel during rush hours, I think it’s a perfectly reasonable expectation to go to a seaside town on a Saturday and not be shoved out of the way by rude people.

Everyone shoves to get on busy trains, it's been that way forever.
Is it pleasant? No, of course not.
Is it to be expected? Yes, of course.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 10/08/2025 11:05

chowmeinz · 10/08/2025 11:04

Your pre edit was more accurate

Yes pretty much.

She got on the train, she'd got a seat and the husband got on with the folded buggy, where is the problem.

She didn't like that she didn't get red carpet treatment and that she should be given priority.

BIWI · 10/08/2025 11:05

@EmJA85 Trainline ask you if you want to book seats

See here

And this is the fast train

https://www.thetrainline.com/book/travel-options

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 11:05

Do you have kids? And if so, are you strong enough to hold them on a moving train for an hour? I would have stood if it was safe

OP posts: