Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Train etiquette

684 replies

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 10:41

Was getting the train back to London from a day out in Folkestone yesterday with my husband and my 1 year old. It’s not possible to book seats on that line. We arrived at the platform 30mins early because we knew it would be busy. As soon as the train arrived people literally pushed us out of the way to get on. Then there was a man with 2 bikes by the door, we couldn’t attempt to move to another carriage because we wouldn’t get on and the trains only run once an hour. People tutted and moaned because I was having trouble getting on. There wasn’t space to keep the buggy up so I had to carry him and people thought it was acceptable to let me stand holding a 12kg toddler, he can’t walk yet and is very energetic. I spoke out and was given a seat but everyone gave me dirty looks as if I was in the wrong. If I rocked up late or if seats were assigned I would say fair enough but I was there early and they all pushed in front. The icing on the cake was the seat I was given was in the area with the tables so he was given a makeshift drum and thought it was a social event so he proceeded to babble at everyone for the hour , people were not impressed. Is there an unwritten rule that you don’t get trains with kids? I don’t have a car

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
dippy567 · 10/08/2025 12:46

I think it's the everyone out for themselves mentality. I imagine it's probably hard commuting with a bike on a train, so maybe bike guy had learnt he has to barge to get on...doesn't make it right.

Also 2 year old making a noise, might be annoying for others, but no more annoying than peoples 'very important' loud phone calls, so it wouldn't worry about it.

When my kids were little I tried to avoid peak hour travel, but obviously not always possible and you're allowed as much as next person. Just have to be prepared to elbow your way on, and lower expectations re people giveing special treatment or being considerate.

AguNwaanyi · 10/08/2025 12:46

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 12:46

Who here has prioritised a bike, bag or dog over OPs toddler though?

What?

B1anche · 10/08/2025 12:46

BIWI · 10/08/2025 10:59

… and you absolutely can book seats on those trains.

No you can't.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 12:46

CommissarySushi · 10/08/2025 12:45

Maybe give it a rest.

Maybe accept that opinions other than yours exist.

chaosmaker · 10/08/2025 12:46

Espressosummer · 10/08/2025 11:22

I really don't understand this. If you were stood by the doors then you just step onto the train. What were you doing instead of this?

Being shoved out of the way, it says in the OP

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 12:46

AguNwaanyi · 10/08/2025 12:44

Lol exactly. Do these people hear themselves!

Who here has prioritised a bike, bag or dog over OPs toddler though?

CommissarySushi · 10/08/2025 12:45

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 12:44

Like OP you mean, you know, the 'obtuse' element.

Maybe give it a rest.

MagnificentBastard · 10/08/2025 12:44

I think there’s an ‘everyman for himself mentality on trains’. I’d have given you my seat, but many would be oblivious.

AguNwaanyi · 10/08/2025 12:44

FanofLeaves · 10/08/2025 12:41

Exactly. Neither do dogs or bikes or suitcases 🤣 perhaps there needs to be a third class carriage to lob all the people/animals/objects in that haven’t personally paid a fare.

Edited

Lol exactly. Do these people hear themselves!

YellowTassels · 10/08/2025 12:44

You and your toddler did nothing wrong. Brits are rude and miserable especially on trains. I’d have let him drum away

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 12:44

CommissarySushi · 10/08/2025 12:42

No, she fucking doesn't sound entitled or hardwork.

Obviously many people work on Saturdays, but that's not standard Monday to Friday 9-5 hours that causes rush hour. People are being deliberately obtuse on this thread.

Like OP you mean, you know, the 'obtuse' element.

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 12:44

Mousehi · 10/08/2025 12:05

Doesn't this stop at Ashford? I find a lot of people get out at Ashford. That being said there were loads of people going up to an arsenal game on that line yesterday.

It does. And they may well do. Not used to getting this train so it’s good to know for next time

OP posts:
GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 12:43

AguNwaanyi · 10/08/2025 12:42

I know and they are wrong. It’s a stupid argument to make.

I can see both sides depending on who else needs a seat tbh.

dottiedodah · 10/08/2025 12:43

I think people everywhere have just got ruder TBH.My cousins friend was pregnant and commuted to London ,Normally smart dressed guys would blank her completely and she would have to stand most of the way home,Pushing and shoving is very rude and unacceptable .It seems every one for themselves sadly

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 12:43

AguNwaanyi · 10/08/2025 12:41

You are entitled to a seat on the train with a toddler. They even have signs and I wish more mums would back this up instead of spouting childist crap because they think it makes them look different to “those parents”.

If someone else is already in a seat, and also feels they need it, then a seat isn't guaranteed.

AguNwaanyi · 10/08/2025 12:42

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 12:41

Some folk, rightly or wrongly, will view that as not being as entitled to a seat. It's a view I've seen expressed my times, by people of all ages.

I know and they are wrong. It’s a stupid argument to make.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/08/2025 12:42

People definitely shouldn’t be pushing to get on. 100%. Physical pushing (rather than sidestepping which is fair game) is never OK.

However, they do in the real world, and definitely don’t stand queuing politely in the order they arrived.

I feel like whilst the pushing was wrong, you and your husband could have tag teamed this better. Had the buggy folded before getting on, with one holding the toddler. Usually if there is a husband/ father about they are able to hold back the tide of pushers and get their partner and child to a seat if they try to.

I wonder if the tutting was you taking time doing these things on the train whilst seats filled up from the opposite side.

So an element of unrealistic expectations and an element of people being “every man for himself”. You can’t totally blame them when it’s a long journey with no stops and crowded.

CommissarySushi · 10/08/2025 12:42

Whattodo1610 · 10/08/2025 12:28

Blimey OP @EmJA85, you sound entitled and hard work. Your needs are no more important than other people’s needs 🤷‍♀️ You say I would like to stress the main issue wasn’t the seat - yet in your OP literally state ”people thought it was acceptable to let me stand holding a 12kg toddler, he can’t walk yet and is very energetic. I spoke out and was given a seat” And you say people weren’t working as it was a Saturday .. MANY people work on Saturday.
I suggest you stop being so entitled and try to live in the real world 🙄

No, she fucking doesn't sound entitled or hardwork.

Obviously many people work on Saturdays, but that's not standard Monday to Friday 9-5 hours that causes rush hour. People are being deliberately obtuse on this thread.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 12:41

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 12:39

Brilliant advice. Thank you xxx

Eh? Was it collapsed or not?
Your various replies indicate that it was and that it wasn't.

Ophy83 · 10/08/2025 12:41

BIWI · 10/08/2025 10:59

… and you absolutely can book seats on those trains.

No you can't

AguNwaanyi · 10/08/2025 12:41

You are entitled to a seat on the train with a toddler. They even have signs and I wish more mums would back this up instead of spouting childist crap because they think it makes them look different to “those parents”.

FanofLeaves · 10/08/2025 12:41

AguNwaanyi · 10/08/2025 12:38

Your child does not pay a fare

And what about it??

Exactly. Neither do dogs or bikes or suitcases 🤣 perhaps there needs to be a third class carriage to lob all the people/animals/objects in that haven’t personally paid a fare.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 12:41

AguNwaanyi · 10/08/2025 12:38

Your child does not pay a fare

And what about it??

Some folk, rightly or wrongly, will view that as not being as entitled to a seat. It's a view I've seen expressed my times, by people of all ages.

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 12:39

Seeline · 10/08/2025 12:01

Honestly OP - you were trying to get on a very busy train, from a packed platform with your buggy still up?!
Next time have it collapsed in advance and you will find everything much easier.

Brilliant advice. Thank you xxx

OP posts:
AguNwaanyi · 10/08/2025 12:38

OneNeatBlueOrca · 10/08/2025 10:45

It's public transport. What did you expect. Your child does not pay a fare and their buggy took up the space of about 2-3 adults standing

The adults with bikes had paid a fare but you objected to their bikes but you had a buggy.

You expected train etiquette to give way to you? Good luck.

Edited

Your child does not pay a fare

And what about it??