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Original poster

Train etiquette

684 replies

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 10:41

Was getting the train back to London from a day out in Folkestone yesterday with my husband and my 1 year old. It’s not possible to book seats on that line. We arrived at the platform 30mins early because we knew it would be busy. As soon as the train arrived people literally pushed us out of the way to get on. Then there was a man with 2 bikes by the door, we couldn’t attempt to move to another carriage because we wouldn’t get on and the trains only run once an hour. People tutted and moaned because I was having trouble getting on. There wasn’t space to keep the buggy up so I had to carry him and people thought it was acceptable to let me stand holding a 12kg toddler, he can’t walk yet and is very energetic. I spoke out and was given a seat but everyone gave me dirty looks as if I was in the wrong. If I rocked up late or if seats were assigned I would say fair enough but I was there early and they all pushed in front. The icing on the cake was the seat I was given was in the area with the tables so he was given a makeshift drum and thought it was a social event so he proceeded to babble at everyone for the hour , people were not impressed. Is there an unwritten rule that you don’t get trains with kids? I don’t have a car

OP posts:
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Goldbar · 10/08/2025 14:46

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 14:12

A toddler isn't a babe in arms.

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If your child can't walk yet, he's not a toddler.

AlpacaMittens · 10/08/2025 14:46

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 11:19

People weren’t working. It was saturday

People work on Saturdays, evidenced amongst other things by the fact that someone was driving the train you were on

Original poster
EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 14:45

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 13:44

OP isn't entitled to anyone else's seat though.

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I think you will find that I was (unless they also fit the criteria obviously)

Train etiquette
OP posts:
GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 14:43

FanofLeaves · 10/08/2025 14:39

No one is going to randomly hand you a baby, except if there was some sort of disaster and you were the only one who could pass it to safety I suppose.

Obviously, as you’d hate it, you wouldn’t be offering to hold the baby in the first place.

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Someone actually did just randomly say 'can you hold my baby' to me once, so she could carry her shopping on to a bus. She seemed to not notice that I was also carrying shopping/rucksack. I felt I had to say yes, however it actually made it harder for me as I then had to put my stuff down. Why she chose a young (at the time) person wearing headphones I dont know. Bus driver was patient though.

Original poster
EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 14:42

Bearsinmotion · 10/08/2025 11:08

That line is a nightmare. My son and I travelled up there on a Saturday morning, got on at an earlier station. By the time we got to Folkestone it was exactly as you described it. I was in the wheelchair space, in my wheelchair, there was an old man opposite me perched on a metal bar. No one offered him a seat, but there were so many people standing he couldn't move much further down anyway. It was all very unpleasant.

This is a continuous problem. I feel bad seeing this happen. Since having the buggy , my eyes have been opened to how bad accessibility is for those in wheelchairs and I do speak up on this also

OP posts:
GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 14:41

Grammarnut · 10/08/2025 14:38

No. It's an act of politeness and care in a civilised society. I probably wouldn't give up my seat since I am now old (and standing in a train aisle is no longer pleasant - though many years ago I stood all the way from Stoke to London) - it would depend on how stressed the mother looked.

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Sometimes I decide to polite to my own aching bones, having spent a lot of my life looking out for others.
This is all an aside though, had OP and her partner been more organised then one of them could have gone ahead with the folded buggy and secured a seat, if they were as near the door as OP says, while the other took more care carrying the toddler. 😁

Grammarnut · 10/08/2025 14:40

TigerRag · 10/08/2025 14:14

Why are you booking with Trainline? They charge booking fees. Train operating companies (TOCs) don't

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I tend to book with trainline - not tried booking with a train company mainly because it presumably requires me to know which train I want to catch run by which company. Bring back nationalised railways, I say. I am fed up with subsidising share holders.

ParvuliThankYouDebbie · 10/08/2025 14:40

RosesAndHellebores · 10/08/2025 13:37

I have read your replies @EmJA85 and am genuinely confused. To the best of my knowledge the fast trains to St Pancras don't run from Margate but from Ramsgate. Even those that run from Ramsgate aren't fast, fast.

I would venture that if you do this journey again, it would probably be easier to take a train back on yourself to Ramsgate or Margate and take the train from.one of those. The line from.Ramsgate that goes through Margate is not generally as busy.

Well, I'm also confused. It started out as Folkestone to London.
Then it was Margate to King's Cross (they go to St. Pancras) and now it's back to Folkestone Central.
So who knows?

FanofLeaves · 10/08/2025 14:39

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 14:36

I'd hate it.
We're all different.

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No one is going to randomly hand you a baby, except if there was some sort of disaster and you were the only one who could pass it to safety I suppose.

Obviously, as you’d hate it, you wouldn’t be offering to hold the baby in the first place.

seasid · 10/08/2025 14:38

You had a partner with you, how are you expecting other people to help you when you’re struggling when you’re with someone? Plus you cannot go through life expecting people to help- I’m a single parent and these are the things I have to account for when doing things and going places as I know I have to do things alone.

also, you seem very entitled in the fact that you expect people to be accommodating to you. Trains are busy, people are just trying to go about their lives and are stressed on trains as it is. They don’t want to be trapped within two adults and a pram and have to be held up because you didn’t account for a buggy on the train. Advice - plan your journey to a T, especially if you have a small child on the journey

Original poster
EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 14:38

FanofLeaves · 10/08/2025 11:06

jesus wept, a website called Mumsnet and every other poster seems to despise children 😴

wouldn’t be surprised if sites like this also attracted anti-natalists and incels , not implying they do or there are any on here btw . I’m speaking purely hypothetically

OP posts:
Grammarnut · 10/08/2025 14:38

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 13:44

OP isn't entitled to anyone else's seat though.

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No. It's an act of politeness and care in a civilised society. I probably wouldn't give up my seat since I am now old (and standing in a train aisle is no longer pleasant - though many years ago I stood all the way from Stoke to London) - it would depend on how stressed the mother looked.

ParvuliThankYouDebbie · 10/08/2025 14:36

Pluvia · 10/08/2025 14:06

Unfortunately, OP, going to the seaside on the train on an August Saturday when it's great weather is bound to be busy unless you go very early and come back late. People get anxious about not being able to get on trains and can be a bit pushy. It wasn't personal, they just wanted to be sure of getting on and not getting stuck there for an hour. It would have been great if someone had helped you with the buggy, but it's nothing personal that they didn't.

I've just tried booking the fast train from St Pancras via Trainline and it offered me booking options that included reserving seats. So next time you might want to check that out.

I've just tried booking the fast train from St Pancras via Trainline and it offered me booking options that included reserving seats. So next time you might want to check that out

As we're 16 pages in I guess you haven't seen the many of us, who live on this line, saying this isn't the case. Just letting you know so you're not disappointed. Trainline offers seat 'preferences' and requests, but on this particular line that is irrelevant because the train does not have any allocated seating. You might think you're reserving a seat, but you aren't, Trainline should sort it out. Most times it won't matter as there will be plenty of seats available.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 14:36

PollyannaNibbs · 10/08/2025 14:32

And no Mumsnet she absolutely offered, and was very happy to do it

Indeed. I'm a granny and I'd love to be handed a scrummy baby to chat to on the train. (Provided the child was in good spirits that is)

I'd hate it.
We're all different.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 14:35

EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 14:32

For your education x

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Oh the irony. You are attempting to educate others now? Really?
Did you locate the carriage with the priority seating then?

ohyesido · 10/08/2025 14:34

There is no such thing anymore. We live in a society where people do not have consideration for others any more, it’s every man and woman for themselves now.

just read social media feeds where people boast about how they refused to give up their seat for a disabled person or a pregnant woman or to allow a family to sit together. The support is always for the self righteous person who made others suffer to make a point

PollyannaNibbs · 10/08/2025 14:32

And no Mumsnet she absolutely offered, and was very happy to do it

Indeed. I'm a granny and I'd love to be handed a scrummy baby to chat to on the train. (Provided the child was in good spirits that is)

Original poster
EmJA85 · 10/08/2025 14:32

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 11:07

You do deserve a seat more than most.
OP isn't disabled though.

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For your education x

Train etiquette
OP posts:
GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I honestly wonder how you get through life with such selective reading tbh. Let's leave it there, I'm fed up explaining simple concepts.

Kirbert2 · 10/08/2025 14:16

I find the train the best type of public transport for my child who is a wheelchair user. Never had any issues or dirty looks.

Buses on the other hand are a different story.

Bepo77 · 10/08/2025 14:16

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 14:14

I preferred a seat because I had a job where I was on my feet at least 80% of most days (not in a shop, somewhere slightly more dangerous lol). I tried to travel earlier or later than standard rush hour (0745-0930/1630-1830 where I lived when I commuted more) but it wasn't always possible.

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You're the minority by far, though. Most people are (sadly) genuinely just dicks.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 14:14

Bepo77 · 10/08/2025 14:10

People are animals on UK trains. Everyone bolts to the doors (past people who have been waiting patiently) on my daily London commute. Quite why they're desperate to sit down right before they sit down at desks all day, I don't know.

I preferred a seat because I had a job where I was on my feet at least 80% of most days (not in a shop, somewhere slightly more dangerous lol). I tried to travel earlier or later than standard rush hour (0745-0930/1630-1830 where I lived when I commuted more) but it wasn't always possible.

TigerRag · 10/08/2025 14:14

Pluvia · 10/08/2025 14:06

Unfortunately, OP, going to the seaside on the train on an August Saturday when it's great weather is bound to be busy unless you go very early and come back late. People get anxious about not being able to get on trains and can be a bit pushy. It wasn't personal, they just wanted to be sure of getting on and not getting stuck there for an hour. It would have been great if someone had helped you with the buggy, but it's nothing personal that they didn't.

I've just tried booking the fast train from St Pancras via Trainline and it offered me booking options that included reserving seats. So next time you might want to check that out.

Why are you booking with Trainline? They charge booking fees. Train operating companies (TOCs) don't

FanofLeaves · 10/08/2025 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GleisZwei · 10/08/2025 14:12

FanofLeaves · 10/08/2025 14:10

He’s one? So he completely qualifies. The picture does not specify the age. She was carrying him. In her arms. Just like in the picture.

And I said ‘baby in arms’ not ‘babe’

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A toddler isn't a babe in arms.