Train etiquette

They don’t think children have the same rights to public spaces and expect parents to follow their deluded rules. I think the fuck not.

19 pages and we still don't know what DH was doing all this time.

I think it is just unfortunate that the train was busy when you got on. Was the platform getting busy while you were waiting? As you said you got there early to make sure you were near the front. I agree with the poster who therefore said about having the pram folded down and being ready to get on, having decided that maybe your husband could hold the toddler as I guess they might be heavier than standing holding the pushchair.

I don't know how long some people had been on the train for already but I wouldn't necessarily want to give up my seat either if I had a long journey. I have paid, the toddler hasn't and while you say he sits on your lap, not everyone wants to sit next a fidgeting toddler either so a couple may not want to separate. Maybe others had seen you were with your husband so wondered why he wasn't helping hold the little one if you were struggling.
Also people may have hidden disabilities so while you say they should have given up their seat to you as you were visibly holding a child, there may have been good reasons others didn't get up.

Having read several of your comments, it's quite obvious you have very limited understanding of how these trains work. You absolutely cannot book these seats. As OP was a person carrying a young child she is deemed to be a priority for a seat. These priority seats are literally at the end of each carriage, not in one designated carriage. So seeing as she walked onto the carriage where the seats are she definitely did check the priority seating space.

I doubt she checked every single priority seat on every single carriage. This was probably because she was likely barely able to move on the packed train not because her and her husband were faffing or unorganised.

OP, as someone who regularly uses London trains I sympathise. People have become incredibly selfish and seem to have an every man for their own mentality. I do find it quite jarring as I was brought up to be aware of and considerate of others but a lot of people have zero empathy. As evidenced numerous time ok this thread.

I don't think anyone has said shoving is ok. But if you were one of the other people stood at that door, would you honestly stand there 'after you'-ing while the OP and her husband dick around with a buggy they've had 30 mins to collapse, knowing that that'll mean you don't make it onto the train and will have to wait another hour for the next one. OP and her husband were at this point blocking the doorway for other people who were ready to try to get onto the train.

Unfortunately people are generally arseholes when it comes to public transport, I absolutely hate going on the train to London people everyone is completely self absorbed with no concept of anyone else. Don't take it personally!

Are you stronger than your DH?

I spoke out and was given a seat but everyone gave me dirty looks as if I was in the wrong

When you spoke out, how did you do it because if someone said politely “excuse me I’m struggling to hold my child may I have your seat/is anyone willing to offer me there seat”….. I don’t think that would get dirty looks

it drives me mad when parents with kids (during the holidays) use the trains at rush hour

We were on a rush hour train from London with two young kids last week because they had a filming job in London. Why were you entitled to travel at the time any more than they were?

Some people on trains are horrible, like those who pushed you, and some are oblivious. Train companies cutting back on carriages does seem to amplify the horrible ones.

Also, some people may just be tired and simply looking over to your child because of the noise rather than thinking anything malicious.

I get the appeal of going on with the child in the buggy if that's what you are used to. I wouldn't consider it good public transport etiquette though. It takes a lot more space in a shared space, and the accessible space is very limited.

Even with a folded buddy, trains tend to be a nightmare though - I tried it once on a train with an older disabled child for what was a long day of walking & never wanted to deal with it on a train again. At that age/size/state of development, my kids were in carriers for any public transport. A good toddler carrier was magic for my husband and I as neither of us drive, and had a lot of family care to do that required travel with the little ones in tow.

A parent simply holding a toddler is not the same as someone with impaired mobility.

Of course, but most of them are obviously on day trips out, and it would be much more comfortable for them if they travelled outside of peak hours. It’s the same for me when I avoid driving in school drop off and pick up times, makes my life much easier. Nothing to do with entitlement.

It's also not a big ask to collapse a buggy before entering the train, and one parent can take that while finding seats and the other carries the child. Stopping to fold the buggy at the door, or attempting to take it on unfolded (unless absolutely necessary) will cause delays at a busy train door.

Considering this is mumsnet, a community of parents, people are giving the OP an incredibly hard time. It's not over the top or entitled to expect basic courtesy, like not being shoved out of the way, when boarding a train. A parent with toddler in arms is vulnerable, in the same way a pregnant woman, or someone with impaired mobility would be. Doesn't mean they don't have the right to use public transport.

So they were occupied by other priority users?

Agreed.

Who has said children can't exist?

I was replying to someone who told me your child wasn't a toddler, stating that you'd actually used that term.

Sometimes people with kids need to use the train at rush hour! Bringing kids to and from nursery! So sorry it upsets you 🙄

If OP hadn't been faffing she could have stepped right on too. 🫣

....and did you look and see if any of the priority seating was an option?

Yes, but did OP look for it and see if there was space?

We had similar on a train back from London yesterday. You just have to brace yourself and expect everyone to be terrible. Children have every right to exist in society.