Page 2 | To ask if you think this very ‘unmumsnetty?’

RaverSeerOfVisions · 10/08/2025 10:30

A town that relied heavily on one industry where the industry collapsed two or three decades ago with nothing to replace it. So some of the ex-mining places around South Yorkshire like Wath-Upon-Dearne or anywhere that used to have a thriving fishing or dock economy.

LBFseBrom · 10/08/2025 10:30

I know what you mean. I live in leafy suburbia and long for somewhere more urban.

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BologneseGurl · 10/08/2025 10:29

wimonnzy · 10/08/2025 10:20

Anywhere Gentrification is a million miles from. Jaywick comes to mind. But that's probably not what you're thinking either. Somewhere that hasn't had much investment, the street lights are out, cats rummaging in the bins, litter, broken down cars, a grotty pub or two, a corner shop. But nice people who stick together. Nostalgia much?

Yes very much nostalgia

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Beachtastic · 10/08/2025 10:26

Glitchymn1 · 10/08/2025 08:33

I get it- it’s not difficult to understand.

Me too. But "run down" nowadays means something very different, places have changed a lot. And a "ropey pub" was much more fun back in the days when you rolled up there with your mates.

wimonnzy · 10/08/2025 10:20

Anywhere Gentrification is a million miles from. Jaywick comes to mind. But that's probably not what you're thinking either. Somewhere that hasn't had much investment, the street lights are out, cats rummaging in the bins, litter, broken down cars, a grotty pub or two, a corner shop. But nice people who stick together. Nostalgia much?

Original poster

BologneseGurl · 10/08/2025 10:17

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/08/2025 10:09

You find Swanage “gritty” 😳

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Maybe a new film is in production-

STRAIGHT OUTTA

Swanage.

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Original poster

BologneseGurl · 10/08/2025 10:16

heldinadream · 10/08/2025 08:34

You're nostalgic for who you were back then and it sounds like the area represents a time in your life when you felt less responsible, less burdened with adult life.
Seems quite normal to me to have such feelings but the reality is if you lived in an area like that now a) it would be different because it's a different historical time and b) you'd still be the you that you are now, not the you that you were then, so it wouldn't be what it is in your nostalgic fantasy.
Soz. 😂

Yes you’ve nailed it !!

if I moved back there I’d want to be exactly the same age as I was in the mid 2009s as well

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Catsandcannedbeans · 10/08/2025 10:14

Hamilton, Cumbernauld, Falkirk… our first flat was in Hamilton and I loved it because it felt like home, DH hated it with a passion.

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BologneseGurl · 10/08/2025 10:13

Lurkingandlearning · 10/08/2025 08:34

Find an area like that and go for a walk, go for a beer. Get the nostalgia out of your system that way because if you go and live there you’ll soon find out why your family moved.

If you need help finding one, go on Right Move or similar and set your preferred rent pretty low.

I kind of get this sentiment because when I’ve been looking forward to moving to new areas - and lived the ‘settling in’ period - going to the local cafes etc .. especially in summer time etc

but when it comes down to the nitty gritty of day to day living sometimes it’s not as ‘fun’ - even once areas !

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MurdoMunro · 10/08/2025 10:12

Of course @Daboomboom. Isn’t it a shame that to get better things we have to lose so much though. It’s the imaginary sweet spot that we crave I suppose, but maybe imagining is the first step towards finding it or making in happen. You know, be the change you want to make etc?

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BologneseGurl · 10/08/2025 10:10

SabrinaSt · 10/08/2025 08:36

I got your original post, OP. There’s some parts of Croydon I could direct you to that fit the bill!

Ah I know the main area of Croydon like Whitgift shopping centre

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MrsSkylerWhite · 10/08/2025 10:09

BoudiccaRuled · 10/08/2025 08:50

It would be like Swanage rather than Lyme Regis, or Charlton rather than Greenwich, or Peacehaven rather than Brighton. Just the slightly grittier places. I prefer them too. Fewer wankers poncing about.

You find Swanage “gritty” 😳

Daboomboom · 10/08/2025 10:08

Just thought, we grew up in a poor Welsh valleys town before moving to a much more wealthy area in England.

My mum misses the Welsh town and talks about how people used to say hi, bring your washing in if it rained, the community, everyone in it together, big street parties etc.

She forgets that everyone gossiped about you, you could only put your best items on the line or the neighbours would judge, everyone in it together until you were excluded, the rampant racism (she still has to stop herself calling blood blisters "a black man's pinch" (that is the polite version) and we were told growing up to behave or the "local black man" (again, polite version) would steal us away).

She is nostalgic for an imagined past.

Flamingoknees · 10/08/2025 10:05

heldinadream · 10/08/2025 08:34

You're nostalgic for who you were back then and it sounds like the area represents a time in your life when you felt less responsible, less burdened with adult life.
Seems quite normal to me to have such feelings but the reality is if you lived in an area like that now a) it would be different because it's a different historical time and b) you'd still be the you that you are now, not the you that you were then, so it wouldn't be what it is in your nostalgic fantasy.
Soz. 😂

This 100%. It wouldn't live up to your nostalgic dreams - places may look the same but the communities, living there, and their values and lifestyles have almost certainly changed.
Keep your fond memories.

MurdoMunro · 10/08/2025 10:00

BunnyLake · 10/08/2025 09:44

Report what?

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Feeling a bit Sunday-philosophical now. I’m thinking that this sort of thing being the first response after the OP’s question is precisely why I don’t feel like I fit in anymore/here. I miss the freedom of the times and places where things where less rigid and curtain-twitchy.

Edit. Not you @BunnyLake, the post you were responding to

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BologneseGurl · 10/08/2025 09:58

lilytuckerpritchet · 10/08/2025 09:24

Arksey is nice for Doncaster it has a local village feel, but probably still on the rough to anyone who doesn’t live here . But it’s in the middle of toll bar and Bentley that are rougher.

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Knew a lovely chap from Arksey ❤️

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monkeyspaw · 10/08/2025 09:57

VintageMarket · 10/08/2025 09:21

I think I get what you're saying OP.
My memory drifts off to the 1970s, an area of central Bristol where George Harrison lookalikes drank herbal tea on beanbags in patchouli scented cafes. Next door in green-tiled pubs old men in tweed caps drank cloudy cider. Everyone smoked. Cyclists didn't wear helmets and bikes weren't locked. Beards, centre partings, B.O., brown corduroy trousers, stray dogs and Afghan coats everywhere.

Girls in cheesecloth shirts passed bombed out buildings and amongst all that buzz of life ladies in headscarves bought chops, fruit and veg and carried it all home in tartan shopping bags to coal fired hearths.

I was on the up, all of life was ahead of me, life was exciting and perfect, I'd just lost my virginity to a man who called himself Moon.

You need to enter The Past into the search box of Rightmove.
By the time you're old enough to want to 'go home' it doesn't exist any more.

Edited

Lovely atmospheric post. I wasn't alive then, and never lived anywhere like this, but I felt the optimism and joy in being young, with exciting and limitless possibilities.
You write very well.

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BologneseGurl · 10/08/2025 09:56

MurdoMunro · 10/08/2025 09:44

I won the meat raffle once. My flatmates were pissed off, two were veggie but more importantly second prize was a roll of underlay, we could’ve really done with that.

lol funnily enough I’ve never been to a pub when there’s a meat raffle

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Daboomboom · 10/08/2025 09:55

MurdoMunro · 10/08/2025 09:44

I won the meat raffle once. My flatmates were pissed off, two were veggie but more importantly second prize was a roll of underlay, we could’ve really done with that.

I love a random raffle. Would you like to win more bacon than you can carry or a carpet?

SpiralSister · 10/08/2025 09:54

DH and I often talk about this stuff. We still love what we call a drinkers pub. I was a drama student in London in the 80’s, when you could still be poor and live there. Had a dank and dark basement flat right next to Hammersmith Bridge, dressed in black and wore espradrilles all year round. Camden was fantastic then!

Then hanging out in Brighton in the 80’s and 90’s when my sister lived there in a series of squats and cheap rents. Rough, vibrant, real. Brighton now manages to be both gentrified and full of real poverty.

I am very glad to live in the West Country now with a glam upmarket pub with fab food, but I do miss the past. We had a lot of fun..

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BologneseGurl · 10/08/2025 09:54

CatchMeWhenYouFall · 10/08/2025 09:46

I feel happier and more myself in places like this.

It's how I grew up and the people are the sort I understand best and get on with best. We often have similar views on state involvement, services and police. Because I grew up with the people in the outer edge of skanky for these area's, I am EXCELLENT at not seeing things, minding my own business when wanted but being involved when needed, so don't have trouble in them. I like in turn, to have people the fuck out of my business. It's a world where I understand how life works.

I accept there's often higher crime, drugs and deprivation alongside. So I've given my kids a different life and a different world in a very different sort of area, because it did cause me some serious issues in my younger years. I work in this sort of area by choice though and intend to move back when my kids are grown and flown. I feel on edge when I'm surrounded by the middle classes the whole time. Might be a joke on here, but I'd genuinely prefer to live beside a crack house more than someone with the kids in private school and 3 holidays a year...

Ah I know what you’re saying - you have to be streetwise in these areas

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Daboomboom · 10/08/2025 09:52

Honestly though, I think your opinion of living in a rough area changes. When we first moved out, the local serious drug dealer lived a few doors up. Kept themselves to themselves, we knew to cross the road before his house, not make eye contact etc and some of the conversations we overheard were quite amusing. We do think of that time fondly.

As an adult with more life experience and children, the idea of living there horrifies me.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 10/08/2025 09:51

BologneseGurl · 10/08/2025 08:23

If someone were looking for a place to live and there criteria were -

”I’m looking for somewhere run down with a few ropey pubs”

LIGHTHEARTED

I’d probably think they were banking on the area very soon being ‘gentrified’, with an ‘artisan’ baker, etc. - and prices on the up.

Original poster

BologneseGurl · 10/08/2025 09:51

MolkosTeenageAngst · 10/08/2025 09:47

You need to move up north, lots of places like that in greater Manchester and you’d have loads left over from 600k.

Thanks for the heads up

I love Stretford and Urmston in Manchester

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BunnyLake · 10/08/2025 09:51

BologneseGurl · 10/08/2025 09:49

Cathy Come Home, anyone 🤣
Ive never actually watched it

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A Taste of Honey was my favourite.