Partner’s best friend & constant passive aggressive remarks

Ypu have a boyfriend problem for allowing these unpleasant comments to continue.

This.

There are always going to be nasty people in life but it’s up to us who we allow to be in our space and part of our life and friendship circle.

Unfortunately your OH doesn’t respect you or have your back so is allowing this person in their life. Any decent bloke would be fuming at these comments, your OH either agrees or doesn’t say anything.

This isn’t a friend issue, it’s an OH issue. Unforgivable imo

You do not have to put up with this crap, just don't be in his company, avoid him if he comes to your house go in another room. No one should be subject to this

Hey op your op is no better than his friend any decent bloke would say hey pack that in she’s my partner and defending you. The fact he repeats what he says makes me think your oh agrees, I would not warn oh but next time he snipes just say oh yeh your father of the year how many kids do you have again? What does your oh do. oh yeh I forgot nothing so she must be lazier than me then and just walk away. I think if they can give it they should take it and I wouldn’t care what oh said it’s gone past pretending now. But your oh is just as responsible for his behaviour he’s enabling him.

This with Bells on..
Don't start a debate with the Prick Friend.
Don't engage with his nonsense..

People like this love a debate on the subject. If its something that is upsetting you its very difficult to argue with them.. and they love that. Just tell him to shut up and or get out.
If you can't avoid him - have some good phrases up your sleeve... like "I'm not debating your insulting nonsense anymore. You've crossed a line, Stay away from me." Or if you want to go low "I'm not taking advice from sofa surfer who is too inadequate to hold down a relationship." Or even something as simple as Miranda's "Rude!" Or the schoolyard "So you say"

Just tell your DH, this man is NOT welcome in our home.
He will push back , but don't argue just say "I hear what you are saying but he's not welcome in our home." *You have my full sympathy, but he's not getting anymore opportunities to be rude to me in my own home."

I've found that if you just keep saying this is not happening I wont put up with it, There's not much people can do.
You will get gas lit and complaints but you already are so no difference there.

Also Ask your DH why he gets a kick out of repeating the PF's insulting words of wisdom to you.

Translation of DH's crap comments -
“life is too short to care what anyone says, "
= The fault lies with you because You care too much about what other people think. People like me can shrug it off. You are spending too much time on this (It's trivial and not important)

we have more then most people,

Translation: You are comfortably off and you do not appreciate how lucky you are. Therefore you should stop talking about this and put up with it, because you should be counting your blessings. (the religious guilt argument my Mum used to use... why worry about that when there are famines in the world) It's a way of saying your concerns are unimportant.

"as long as we don’t let people bring us down and don’t do bad to anyone.”

Translation; You are allowing PF's comments to get to you my dear. Make sure you are not unkind to him.

This is all such a load of BS.. basically telling you to put up and shut up.. so that he doesn't have to do anything about it or have your back or risk himself offending PF.

One thing that occurs to me is that PF wants to the be Alpha of his group... It's difficult for him to be that when he's homeless and no woman can stand being in a relationship with him ( I wonder why).
He definitely thinks he's higher in the pecking order than your DH, who has so much more (but doesn't seem to appreciate it) So in order to make himself seem above DH, he has to put him down a notch. He does that by criticising you..The reasoning is that DH can't be all that if he has a partner that PF doesn't value. So every time he puts you down and your DH does nothing and doesn't stand up for you.. he's almost saying to PF that he is loyal to PF, and accepts his Beta position. The PF is laughing his head off at DH's weakness and lording it over both of you. Do you think PF would let your DH say such things to his partner if he ever gets another one?
That is my non expert theory anyway. Maybe you should suggest that PF is laughing at DH's lack of spine and loyalty to you.

You're a doormat. Your partner is disrespecting you by being friends with him.

'life is too short' to spend it with someone who disrespects the woman you love, he should be told that.

He doesn't have your back, any man truly in love would as the Percy Sledge "When a Man loves a woman" song lyrics say: Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down.

I'd leave him over this. If you don't you have no self respect.

"When a Man Loves a Woman
Song by Percy Sledge ‧ 1966

Lyrics
When a man loves a woman,
Can't keep his mind on nothin' else,
He'd change the world for the good thing he's found.
If she is bad, he can't see it,
She can do no wrong,
Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down.
When a man loves a woman,
He'll spend his very last dime
Tryin' to hold on to what he needs.
He'd give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain,
If she said that's the way
It ought to be
Well, this man loves you, woman.
I gave you everything I have,
Tryin' to hold on to your heartless love.
Baby, please don't treat me bad.
When a man loves a woman,
Down deep in his soul,
She can bring him such misery.
If she is playin' him for a fool,
He's the last one to know.
Lovin' eyes can never see
When a man loves a woman
he can do her no wrong,
he can never hug
some other girl
Yes, When a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels,
'Cause baby, baby, you're my world
When a man loves a woman..."

Hang on, just reread your posts, this is his best friend?! Why is your DP best friends with someone who is so awful to you? How can he possibly want to be friends with him? Is he completely spineless? Does he look up to this guy? Does he not have any other friends? The fact that he hasn’t cut this guy out of his life completely just baffles me. You have a serious DP problem.

😂 yes, l realised you didn’t mean that literally.
I was referring to, you saying 'Oi cuntface’
I wouldn’t put up with a man, saying that, so why is it ok for a woman to say it.
As l said it’s such a derogatory word, aimed at women, just can’t understand why some women would say it.

This isn't passive aggressive it's aggressive aggressive. This guy has some good comebacks:
https://www.facebook.com/share/19YHrw8Ybd/

Ultimately though the real problem is your unsupportive and disloyal partner, as others have already said.

1000% this!!!!!!⬆️

How do you feel about your partner wanting to be friends with someone who has abandoned multiple children? Because thats horrific.

I would be telling your DP 'Gavin is a prick and I don't want him in my house. If your prick of a mate makes comments about me, or you, or the kids and you fail to tell him to fuck right off then that makes you a bit of a prick as well. I've decided that I will not have Gavin the Prick in my life at all - and I certainly don't want to hear his gems of wisdom from you. I'm at the stage of wondering whether I want you in your current role as Gavin the Prick's best friend in my life either. Have a little think about these things'.

Why doesn't your partner have your fucking back?

Absolutely this. Then come back and tell us what his face looked like when you said it.

Totally agree with this. All of it. Raise your bar op, your ‘partner’ isn’t on your side and he doesn’t respect you. The very notion that my husband would ever tolerate anyone speaking about me and our family, let alone endorsing it by repeating it, that way is so alien, and it should be for you too, you deserve better.

I didn’t think I’d need to make this explicit, but I was not seriously advocating shoving a Ninja Foodi up someone’s nostril. It would probably invalidate the warranty for a start.

Exactly this.

The friend is a dick. Your OH is pathetic and also a dick. Don't lower yourself to their level by bringing the friend's wife into the conversation. You're better than that. And the friend knows it.

I had a similar situation with my ex and his best mate. I saw right through him and distanced myself accordingly. I was shunned as a result and the behaviour became worse. So much so that at my ex's mum's funeral, his best friend very outwardly turned his back to me and stood there laughing with his mates. Vile human being. My ex never stuck up for me or told his mate off. I'm glad to be rid of the lot of them. Your OH really needs to get rid of people like this in his life, but clearly he's not going to do that.

Firstly I’d be pissed at DH for not defending me, but if someone did this to me I’d probably call him out in front of a large group. Something along the lines of “are you always picking fault with me because you want my husband? Is that what this is?”

But you need to bin your OH off he’s a fucking loser and a prick.

@crazeepops

Woah. Why are you letting this asshole treat you like this?? Next time he says anything in your presence, tell him to shut the fuck up. And if your boyfriend passes anything on, tell him to tell his disgusting mate to fuck off.

But your main issue here is your boyfriend. You need to tell him that his mate is repulsive & a colossal twat & is absolutely no longer welcome in your home. Tell him he needs to show 100% loyalty to YOU with immediate effect. I would seriously consider my future with this man, otherwise.

I would ask him why he feels the need to constantly criticise you, that the information he is getting about your life is very skewed and you are fed up of your OH either repeating his nasty comments or him slagging you off to your face.
That will put the cat amongst the pigeons and I bet your OH won’t be happy you told his friend your feelings on the matter! It outs your OH and their reaction will confirm it.

Tell your partner it's already causing tension and it's about time he decided who was the most important person in his life - you or this nasty piece of work.

And if he comes round while you're there - just walk out of the room and totally ignore him (or read him his fortune, which would be my preference)