Would you believe this? Husband and hotel

You're 35 weeks pregnant with a 20 month old and he booked a hotel because he was going to leave you?
If that's the better option in his mind than admitting he booked it to shag someone else then it's beyond the pale.
At best he's an utter scumbag who would leave his heavily pregnant wife and toddler because he can't cope.

At worst he's a lying skank of a cheat.
Either way, surely this is done.

And would I believe him?
No, no and thrice - NO.

Firstly you don't need to rush to make any decision.

Secondly, personally, if this is something out of the blue and unusual, with things being good on the run up, then I'd be looking at couples counselling and working through it. But, I'd also be ensuring my credit rating was good, that I was putting money aside and had my own bank account just in case the worst happens.

Good luck OP, it seems like a shitty time for everyone. Hopefully the baby's arrival goes smoothly for you.

So now you’ve caught him out he’s happy to go stay somewhere else so as to not cause anymore stress for you and your dd? Well, that’s pretty shit of him. It doesn’t sound like he’s the one who needs the break right now!

He should have been up and sorting everything for your dd and taking her out this morning and giving you time to rest because I bet you didn’t get much sleep last night. He should be on his best behaviour and parenting like his life depended on it, not skipping off to a nice relaxing evening in a hotel or wherever.

If anyone should be getting a break right now, it’s you and it sounds like he wants to just drop you in it and run, which is just ridiculous.

I had to come back to add this. I know lots of men cheat and gaslight women but not always. A friend of mine had a terrible experience. Staying at in laws and she was heavily pregnant. He went out for a drink with his dad, left the pub early and didn’t go home. Well he did go home. They found him in the garden. He had hung himself. Some men don’t feel comfortable talking about how they are feeling. This is why suicide rates are so high in 25-40 year old men.

Or gym bag.

op in your shoes id be playing detective. Is the hotel close to your home? You must know the email address that was used to book it? Email the hotel from his email address and tell them you have accidentally deleted your records and need copies of all the room receipts for expenses from 1/1/25 to the current day and see if they can possibly email them back to you. If one booking comes through, then at least you know it’s not a regular thing. If more than one comes back then you have your answer. Don’t forget that not all rooms are booked to be used overnight, some are used just for a few hours. I’d also be looking at bank statements for unusual cash withdrawals and at his phone for hidden folders. If there is more than one room booking, look for cash withdrawals that tally with that for sex workers or fling expenses.

very sorry you are going through this

He does have opportunity during the working day. I think I’d be inclined to believe it, especially given the imminent birth, but first I’d be insisting that I am allowed to track his phone going forward and that I’m allowed to investigate previous hotel bookings, either on the site itself or listening to him ringing up and asking for a list of previous bookings in his name as he needs it for business expense reasons and he can’t remember. If the receptionist says there are none, then that will set your mind at rest.

No I don’t think I would believe this.

You’re not really in a position to leave now, and will need his help with the baby.

Uss this time to prepare for leaving him or kicking him out once things settle for you a bit. Try and look for evidence when you can.

I would say the relationship is likely over but bide your time

Oh op, what a sad situation, I’m so sorry. I hope you have support from family and friends you can lean on. FWIW if it was me, yes I would think he was either cheating or leaving or both. I think he probably backed out because he realised what a total shit he would look. If you weren’t pregnant I’d say get rid right now. However you have bigger things to worry about just now and I’d focus on those. Get your family and friends around you, focus on you and having the baby, and don’t make any rash decisions at the moment.

I’m sorry OP, he’s either having an affair, as planning a 1 night hook up or something along those lines.

If he needed to get his head together to work out what to do, he wouldn’t need to secretly book 1 night away, why would he then not use it? Odd. I think maybe the other woman (or man) changed their mind and cancelled on him last minute.

For those saying their hotel bookings for 1adult, come through as 2 adults.. that’s bizarre - mine all come through as 1 adult 🤔🤷‍♀️

Another person whose one person hotel rooms tend to be booked for 2. Sometimes it’s the default, sometimes I do it on purpose to get a decent sized bed / not get the worst room in the hotel.

The best thing to do is get the birth out of the way and then start digging.

The first thing I would be doing is looking for a second phone. It will be in his car.

And even more disquieting, as I’ve now read, is that you say the emails were in his “deleted emails” folder.”
You were looking at his deleted emails? Because why?

Totally agree with this. But in addition, I'd also quietly be getting my ducks in a row re important documents etc as a back up plan in case things don't work out.

Hotel rooms are generally for 2 people by default. Pretty meaningless on its own

There may well be an OW or casual hook-ups going on. However, he has made it crystal clear that he is putting himself and his wants ahead of supporting you and your DC. He is more than ready to step away from his responsibilities .

If he is claiming depression, has he taken steps to seek medical help?

Do you have anyone who can provide practical and emotional support over the next few weeks- mum/ sister/ friends? Your H has already checked out.

You are wise to get all the financial information now- it’s probably worth seeing a solicitor ASAP, as you know your H is considering leaving, and self-employed fathers are notorious for hiding from CMS.

@Coastliner has put it better than I did. Given all was roses at the point of the booking, I would suspect a hook up as a gift to himself before he embarked on fatherhood again.

I would suspect him of being a serial sex worker user. They can be incredibly careful to hide this.

Get a STD check.

I would be done.

He was going to leave you at your most vulnerable. I would never be able to get past that - EVER. Out of self respect and for my DC, I would get him as far out of my life as I could, given the laws of the land.

The fact that this hotel booking doesn't fit in with what was going on at the time, is a red flag @atatotallosss

If you had had a blazing row, maybe but given the circumstance, it's more likely there is another explanation.

This. Sorry, OP. Just not buying his mental health line.

I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now! I’m so sorry, sending lots of love and I really hope you get this sorted for the best.

He is so silly for lying to you in the first place, and clearly he has something going on! He could be completely burnt at both ends and overwhelmed and doing silly things because he isn’t mentally well. He sounds like he still isn’t being fully open with you. Do you think he is letting his walls down? Has he ever been open in the past?

What made you check his emails in the first place?

The thing that intrigues me is that you “found an email in your husband’s email account”.
I have never, ever, ever looked at my wife’s emails, text messages, call records etc. At all.
As happily married and “together” we might be, we are individuals as well. Trust is a big thing.

No you don't.

If you believe those of us who think he’s acted purely out of stress, that there is no sex worker or OW, do you not think

I have asked him to get me all the financial info I need re businesses and pension. I said that currently I don't want him near the hospital. He was extremely hurt by this.

is ignoring the pressure he feels, alienating him, pushing him away, taking a division between you to extremes?

(I can understand the sense in knowing your financial position but it signals the end of a relationship and can be a threat. If I were him I’d feel very insecure.)

Out of kilter behaviour from men is often regarded negatively on MN but your OH didn’t follow through, did he? Booking the hotel appears to have been his crunch point when he realised that you, DD and the soon to be born baby are the most important parts in his life. Perhaps him saying he was leaving you was not a rejection of you but a clumsy attempt to remove himself from making your life more difficult. Importantly when you bled you were his primary focus, his priority. He about turned.

All your posts have the watermark STRESS. He’s stressed and panicked on a Tuesday two weeks ago. You’re stressed because of the relationship and a difficult pregnancy.

You’re at a turning point here. Don’t view him with a fixed intransigent opinion that he’s cheated, about to cheat, will leave you. Together you can deal with this.

And no, I’m not naive. It’s in my nature to be suspicious as self-protection.