To be so sick of being broke?

I don't know how bad your debts are but have you looked at bankruptcy? As you're renting it might be worth considering.

£850 for food for four people is pretty high though, particular if you’re not eating as much on Mounjaro. There was a thread yesterday and most posters were spending £120-150 a week for a family of four, all in.

Anecdotally, there seem to be far fewer people getting these now on MW. My parents started on low wages (pre the mid nineties NMW) in entry level jobs but did get promoted. An awful lot of people tell me this was normal for their parents, but, while promotions are common in professions like nursing or education, there seem to be fewer in say shop work-I know a few, but not many. Not pretending I know everyone in the world, but a lot of friends in other areas say the same thing. There's fewer jobs in general. As a teenager, I could have walked into shop work/waiting on etc, now there's fewer shops, fewer staff atthe shops that are still in my town, the cafes/pubs can't afford to take on as many staff, and use a lot of apps for ordering/self-service, most of the shops that are there are charity shops which only have volunteers.
Not trying to be bleak, just saying it really seems to be harder to get a job/get promoted if you even get one. In an ideal world, I'd say train for something else OP, but that's easier said than done when you're working FT and have no spare cash to spend on courses. I empathise.

I've been where you are, OP.

My son is disabled. He's in his 30s now. We were up to our necks in debt for about 20 years. It's hard to explain to people ...

Anyway, I agree, spending a bit so you don't go stark staring mad is important and I'm impressed you've taken control of your health.

Dunno. It sort of came right for us in the end. DH got a decent job. I went to uni as a mature student. He got made redundant. I ended up studying and working full time on the tills in a supermarket. And then I got a decent job. All those years of struggle meant I was a force to be reckoned with and I just kept going. I still can't quite believe we survived that hellish grind.

You sound fearsome. Good luck to you and your family.

The quality of life we get for our £ is something like a third less than 15 years ago. The things that could be afforded on two minimum wages just aren’t anywhere near the same - that is a tight amount of money to get a good quality of life from (which for me includes a car and all that it comes with, a hobby, TV and an occasional UK break away). Of course there are bits around the edges you could do, but ultimately it’s shit. Most people’s quality of life and comfort is being quietly eroded. We’ve got to get this country sorted between us.

Admittedly I haven’t read the whole thread but why on earth would OP take money from DD2 who is presumably saving for uni? I am a single mum to 4 DC. The COL is a nightmare, I also have debts that are now on me due to a marriage breakdown. I have a DD19 who is just going into her second year at uni. She works like mad in every holiday (think 60 hours every week) to be able to afford it. There is no way I would jeopardise her future.

Where I live £165 a month for the 10 plan is Band A council tax. Your employer is breaking the law making you work through your breaks as you are working under NMW.
I don’t think 4 adults and households items and pets for £800 a month is that bad! I would be asking my adult children to pay their own mobile bills and help with some of the food costs.

On a side note if DD1 attends college, I'm assuming they went to school? Why were you a full time carer for 20 years?

Good question.

Honestly the lack of empathy and acknowledgment that not everyone will choose the same path through a problem as others is astounding.
There are deffo savings/changes that ‘could’ be made. Some I personally definitely would make.
The fact that the OP is choosing a slower repayment schedule than I would so as not to charge her kids or give up her jabs or reduce her food budget etc is just as valid a choice as mine.
she’s a grown adult. Her choice has consequences- debt will last longer. My choice would also have consequences- which the OP has knowingly decided is a less good choice for her

But this woman isn’t struggling that much - she already spends £850 per month of groceries, £100 on mounjaro, gym memberships, expensive internet (that you can get cheaper)………she’s buying luxuries. Foodbanks are for people who are genuinely struggling……she’s buying luxuries - she’s doesn’t want to cut back on anything

Then I envy you, genuinely. Because that means that you have never encountered the Kafka-esque nightmare that is the social care system.

When you have a deafblind father and a mother with uncontrolled epilepsy who are in old age but "dont meet the criteria" for social care, what choice do you have? Leave them to it?

Yes, yes you are putting her down.

Urgh OP you should have never posted your expenses. Now they are nitpicking on standard costs and claiming if you basically did nothing but eat tesco value bread, entertain yourselves with a brick wall and walk everywhere your finances would be fine.

If you had said were on a salary 3x more or over that and said you were struggling the blame would be on the current economy and posters would (rightly) argue that you should be able to afford holidays, etc.

I am not putting her down, merely pointing out that actually the OP is far from "broke" and that she is doing a hell of a lot better than many. Simply reframing thinking on issues like this, I had to when I went from a reasonably high income to next to nothing, can really help. Yes its bad but it could be worse.

That she has prioritised unneccessary purchases over having more than £50 left once the bills go out, is her choice and her responsibility.

Seems like she wants all the nice things AND the money in the bank that she needs to spend on them. Dictionary definition of wanting to have her cake and eat it too.

This is why it’s worth reading atleast the OPs posts sometimes. She doesn’t need a food bank

But if they live in a house with earning adults?

Well it is though isn’t it. Unless you’re not in the UK? If you parents need 24 hour care then the local authority have a duty to provide it. Maybe you are able to provide a better level of care and are happy to make a sacrifice, but I still can’t see how it’s not a choice?

Sorry I haven’t read all your thread but just wondered if you had thought of using a food bank. Some of my relatives have started to use one as they are struggling financially even though they work. The cost of food is getting beyond a joke.