Families that don't do anything with children

My sis in law is like this. The kids have loads of enriching activities such as music lessons, language lessons, swimming lessons, musical theatre etc etc but she would baulk at the thought of taking them somewhere like a farm park or pumpkin picking and they mostly spend their weekends sitting in. I could not do that. The kids never get to go to a playpark etc. Maybe too working class for her 😅

My child has spent multiple weeks abroad, been to space camp, and attended a leadership program this summer. If you asked her what she did this summer she would say she played on her phone. this is how it goes every single summer and is incredibly frustrating. It doesn’t matter what amazing experiences she has, she reports sitting around.

Despite providing plenty of experiences, I still feel constant guilt about not providing more. I’m disabled and that limits what I can do. Sometimes i manage to take her to things myself, but I often pay for her to attend programs that provide opportunities I simply can’t. I spend more than some people make in a year giving her opportunities.

yet she reports sitting around and playing on her phone. It’s what kids say. It means nothing. I’m not going to stop helping her see the world. People need to take children’s reports with a very large grain of salt.

Once you've said "no" properly it becomes very easy and the kids accept it. Talking as a parent of very nice, easy going, undemanding teens, who ask knowing that they may or may not get.

This makes me really sad. The holidays are long but theres no excuse not to do something at least one day a week, even if its just the park, shopping centre, cinema. When we were young we might get a day trip here and there. The rest of the time we were out with friends playing until dusk.. I feel my childhood was idyllic really compared to now where kids only see their friends online.
It makes me realise how lucky my kids are . I felt bad that we won't have a holiday this year. But we've been on a good few day trips, trampoline parks , swimming, soft play. Plus lots of treats and new bits and pieces to keep them busy.

It’s not free though is it. Gotta feed and water them. Then there’s ice creams or whatever. Fuel, parking prices.

@MrsSunshine2bwith respect, you are coming from a very privileged position in that case. I am a single mum on a good salary and I can only afford for DD to do one activity a week. I am stretching myself to up it to two in September, but will have to cut back somewhere else to afford it. For some families, activities like you describe would simply be unaffordable .

Exactly this 👏

I have a 5, 4 and almost 2 year old. Im pregnant with number 4. We don't go out every day but I try to atleast get out every other day, even if its to the park on the week days. Is that good enough? 😅

Dd is 13 and doesn't want to do many clubs. She's done a week in music class and we've booked holidays for a couple of weeks but dh and I work full time so apart from that she needs to sort herself out. She's welcome to hang out with friends or just chill but work don't pay me to entertain her.

Not everyone has free museums or parks on their doorsteps. Not everyone can drive or afford bus fares every day to take their kids out.

Ignore my random formatting, was using this - but some ended up as dots!

Ok, life can be shit -
its easier to sit in with the Kids on screens whatever.
I know what it’s like to be in poverty, live rural, mental illness and deprivation all around,
but let’s face it, days stuck indoors on screens are not the answer and is not OK
and part of providing that support is to say it’s not OK

Hence why I've never said everyone should do 5. There's no reason why most families in this area can't afford at least one hobby or activity for their kids. Half of them we walk to!

If you read the state school Vs private school threads... The state schools that are pretty much on a par with local private schools are the ones that have a majority of parents that DO stuff with their kids. The state schools in deprived areas, generally, not so much is done that educates, inspires and motivates children. It's really sad.
Sitting in watching telly is not doing kids any good, day in day out. Of course down time is needed, but TVs/screens are not.
(Obviously not including ND kids before I get jumped on. Although I'm fairly sure a long daily dose of fresh air and exercise would also be great for them.)

There will be barriers you can't see or aren't clear to you such as -

• Travel costs
• Physical and mental health problems
• Never being raised to visit these places themselves
• Previous experiences visiting places

• Children's behaviour, perceived or actual

• Not identifying themselves as feeling as if they belong in those places - again this could be perceived or based on actual experiences visiting these spaces

There will be so many reasons but wanted to highlight a few that could apply.

I met a little boy Friday who said he'd just "chilled out" and played his tablet all summer and it made me so sad.

You know that child has probably had three weeks of fun and expensive days out, a holiday somewhere nice and endless laboriously planned wholesome and educational crafts…and his poor mother’s head would explode if she realised the only thing he recalled or told anyone about was his (restricted) tablet time.

I know, I know, probably not - but this is the kind of thing mine would say 🤣

It’s so much easier taking them out to the park to run around than spending all day at home. My 3 would have gone nuts at home all the time. I’ve never come across families like the op describes but I believe they exist. So life limiting.

From my point of view i am saying i physically couldn't manage that, getting a bus with a kid with me and going on a day out that way without a car. I had to walk a few miles the other day and i am still done in from it. But i think i might have nutritional deficiencies the last while

You do realise what a privileged viewpoint you’re spouting right? Good for you that you can afford 5 extra curriculars a week but that’s far from everyone’s experience.

What a horrible, judgemental thread. Congratulations on your marvellous parenting, that everyone can see, but you do know that families can be brilliant behind closed doors, right? Maybe better?

My husband has to be nudged and bullied out of the house with our 2yo and I can't for the life of me understand why - he's so much harder to manage in the house!

I think it comes from MIL, who thinks a mile is really far to walk. When she takes our son out to the park she's back in under an hour, whereas I was out with him for over 5h in total today.

Also yes I do agree with some pp that some people have got a bit obsessed with the idea of “days out”. Yes people have always taken kids to the park and the library but when we were younger we mainly just played out with friends, we’d knock on each others doors and everyone in the neighbourhood kept an eye out for the kids. I know lots of people don’t let their kids play out in the same way now but my point is that this idea of constantly taking kids out is fairly new. Going back even further, most parents wouldn’t have had the money to keep entertaining kids and there was no such thing as soft play or most of the other places people take kids where you have to pay entry fees, cafes etc. Adults had a lot to be getting on with and kids either joined in or just played either alone or with siblings or friends. I think the damaging thing now is when kids don’t go out and they just sit in front of the tv or iPad instead. If they’re at home cooking/playing/reading/dancing/gardening etc then it’s not half as bad.

Yes, exactly, she's the kind of kid that wants to do all that (and DH and I also have lots of hobbies so it's all she knows I suppose) but even if your child wasn't like that you'd try to get them to do one thing. And some of them I know would like to but aren't given the chance.

There's a girl (9) we have over quite a lot and she loves singing, dancing, doing cartwheels and so on and she gets a bit jealous when DD is talking about being in performances and so on. She's never done any clubs apart from choir at lunchtime at school.

I voted YABU.
Yes, when DC were young we did go to the park etc Paid for activities had to be budgeted for, even the fuel for the car had to be taken into account.
Luckily, my DC were often happy to play at home with Lego, or in the paddling pool, They’re in their 20s now, well-adjusted with good jobs.
Not a problem to stay at home.

For people saying it’s exhausting taking kids out, isn’t that just life and to be expected? It’s not a reason to stay at home every day.