Families that don't do anything with children

I think there needs to be some balance, but kids don’t need to be taken out every day.

What sounds like a lot? 5 hours of clubs?

I second this. As do most child psychiatrists.

It still sounds like a lot, sorry. It’s a modern phenomenon and you’re probably doing what everyone else around you is doing but it doesn’t sit right with me. I think there’s a reason people are looking at past parenting styles a bit wistfully at the moment - it’s because kids didn’t have packed schedules, and had a lot more freedom and free play. I say this as a middle class child of the 90s who tried piano, karate, drama club, dance, swimming club, brownies etc, but it was only ever about one evening a week and I’m glad for that.

We live a 10 minute bus ride away from local beaches, my neighbours boys were 15 before they even went to the beach and it was a social worker that took them!
The boys are now adults now but she’s also got other children, the youngest are coming up 18 and they have never been to the beach, they have left school now and don’t work nor have any friends 😢
have all thrived in school as it was their only enjoyment and they all used to look forward to going to get out of the house.

I’m a real home bird. I love staying at home.

But I find it unbearable with kids so we are always out.

Agree that for the families who don’t do anything probably poverty, depression etc.

Clueless ???

read up on treatment for anxiety and depression !!!

it is NOT stay home, do fuck all and wallow !!

In fairness if you asked my DC's what they had done, they would tell you one recent thing that happen to come to mind. They are far more like to remember the hour of TV between breakfast and coming on the play date then the park trip yesterday or the 5 other outing we've done that week.

People get well rounded by experiences, yes that can be reading a book but also from going to a museum, a gallery, a walk in the park or the countryside to learn about nature… (all things that don’t have to cost a fortune).

Again, there’s a balance to be had, I don’t think anyone is saying that kids need to be taken out every minute of every day.

Whereas I find it weird that some people insist on going out every single day. Children need to
learn to entertain themselves which they can’t do if they are being taken off to do things every day.

let them chill and just have a day without doing stuff.

One of mine (15 and with SEN) reported to me that after the Easter holidays he was asked what he did by a teacher and he said 'nothing. Stayed at home'. Actually we had been to Munich for 5 days. I was a bit annoyed. His reasoning is that what he does in his own time is private and school does not need to know. He's not yet got to grips with the concept of small talk.

Next week we are going to Australia. I expect he will say 'nothing' again if he is asked.

Anyway- my slightly wider point is that just because you don't personally witness something happening inside another family does not mean it does not happen. I well recall one of our neighbours coming to us in great distress and saying she couldn't not say anything any longer... she was SO upset we 'never walked' our dogs. True we never walked them up and down our street outside her window. DH (retired) took them in the car when dropping off the DCs at school and then took them to the beach every morning for an hour and again every afternoon. But because our neighbour personally did not witness that she decided it did not happen.

And as others have said- it is definitely true that 'days out' in the UK tend to be very expensive. We recently spent nearly £80 for the 4 of us to visit a really shit local attraction. And that was just the entry fee. I'm not rushing to do that again. For me it was an irritation. Many families- particularly with the COL simply could not even think of sinking such a huge amount on what was a really crap experience.

As above, I have 2 ND kids and it’s not as easy as getting them out and about

Isn’t there a balance to be had though? If kids are never taken out, how are they going to be able to have a life outside of the home as adults? Jobs, hobbies, social lives?

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

You really cant imagine why this is sometimes the case?

Plenty of reasons, sadly. Lots have been covered in this thread, sure some parents are simply lazy and cant be bothered, the majority whereby children spend an inordinate amount of time at home theres a reason.

I dunno, but when I was younger my mum used to take us here there and everywhere, at the weekends/half term, when all I wanted to do was stay at home and build a den....used to love the summer holidays when she gave up and let us just be at home most days.

My daughter loves being at home, also. The house is filled with toys and it means we can eat nicer home cooked food and not be stressing about eating soggy sandwiches or paying overpriced food in museum cafes etc.

PLUS people are so miserable out there. It can be depressing going out and seeing so many stressed out parents, grumpy people on public transport, people shouting at their kids, letting their kids run riot. Sometimes it's just nicer to stay at home for a week.

If we lived in a warm society where people were friendly, sociable with strangers, etc, we'd be in the local park all the time.

Also we took our kids away this summer for a month (we live overseas) that involved seeing extended family, beaches, rainforest, lake swimming, jetski-ing, many museums, more wildlife than you can shake a stick at, bookstores, trying new foods, exploring new cities... if you asked him what he did with the summer he'd probably still say "played games and chilled out" because that was his favourite part 😂

This exactly.

I have worked with families like these. There are barriers you are not seeing. I think the big problem now is that in the past these kids would have played out or amused themselves but now there is a lot of screen time. And it just isn’t great from a mental health/physical health point of view.

Jeez ….

go for a walk
feed the ducks with your old crusts
pick daisies
go round the charity shops - buy a jigsaw for a few pounds
play on the swings
play with a ball
take the kids waterbottles
take a packet or biscuits if they gonna need a power up
no you aren’t having an ice cream - money don’t grow on trees conversation
pond dipping - take an old school plastic bowl

why are people so full of the excuses ??

it ain’t about having money
it ain’t about making memories

it is just helping the kids feel OK / even positive about the world outside the home -

don’t set them up to be anxious / avoidant
just a bit of time outside the home is a good Thing and actually not beyond most people if they pull their finger out !

I have an autistic child so we’ve always been limited to her energy levels. For a long time she was burned out (out of school) and couldn’t cope with public spaces. Lots of these places are crowded, loud, hot in school holidays. So we spent most weekends at home, so her brother didn’t do much either.

I like pottering at home doing nothing. Today all I have done is some laundry and read a book. Dc have entertained themselves (they are teens now).

If you calculate a week then subtract 70 hrs of sleep, 30 hrs at school and 5 hrs of clubs then that leaves 61 hrs a week to get bored.

We also walk to the library, read together, cook together and go on plenty of days out and yet she still has time left over to watch TV, draw and colour, play out in the street and whatever other unstructured activities she feels like.

It's just very sad. It's not about expensive farm parks and days out. Its about letting children see something beyond their own bedroom and school. It contributes to learning experiences and hunger to see things.

So can you please give a list of 10 activity ideas that "contributes to learning experience" that don't require spending money?

For fairness, it would have to be negligible to the amount you would spend on a typical day at home. So the cost of food bought from a supermarket as packed lunches don't count. However anything that costs over £10 per person such as train tickets, bus tickets, entry fees, an ice cream etc would definitely count. You seem to be arguing for people to take their kids to see things that broaden their horizons but exactly those sort of novelty activities cost money. Eye-watering amounts of money even for high earning families.

Just spending time out of the house for the sake of it is not educational at all and can be very depressing in itself. If you can only afford to take your children to the same playground around the corner, it's not going to be broadening their horizons in any way. I once saw some mums who spent the entire day at the same playground...they had picnic mats, water bottles, food, some toys and were clearly staying for hours and hours. The kids looked grimy, grubby, tired and bored because they were forced to stay in one playground for the entire day. They were literally digging a hole in the ground out of boredom and then eating random sliced up food with bare, dirty fingers.

Depression can be helped by getting outdoors, moving, getting the endorphins going, a bit of exercise
anxiety and lack of confidence - same, graded exposure to going out, doing more

Could you be more fucking clueless.
Of course they can, but it doesn't make it easy or, for some, possible at times.
We aren't all as nourished inwardly by a warm fuzzy sense of our own superiority as you and OP are.

Omg that's awful, theme parks etc

I completely get children with disabilities or parents with mental or physical difficulties but let's be honest, outside of those reasons some parents are just lazy or mean. My DD friends mum is like that. Has gone on 3 foreign holidays this year with friends, took her kids for ONE night camping. Said she can't afford camps but bought a brand new car, botox and lip filler. Her kids bored out of their minds and it shows in their behaviour.

But not every day, which I think is what the OP is referring to. Some people don’t take their children out at all. Time at home is important, but so is going out and having new experiences.