Families that don't do anything with children

Exactly.

Accessibility can also be an issue and even if it is accessible, one broken lift is all it takes.

In our case? Autism and ADHD in multiple close family members.

Over the course of a year we do lots of things, at least four holidays, cinema, camping, museums etc. But day to average day, after work/school and apart from the daily walk in the woods with the dog, we chill at home.

The idea of needing to be 'doing' something every spare second we have sounds exhausting. Without our downtime days of milling about gardening or reading, with no social engagements or anything planned, I shudder to think of the frayed nerves and melt downs.

When my kids were little and asked what they had been up to in the holidays they would always say playing on th iPad. No matter what expensive days out, holidays or trips to the national trust we'd been too . It's like they couldn't be bothered to go into everything they had been up to so I wouldn't take a kids account of their holidays at all.

Take the kids on a bike ride or walk to different parks and get fit then. Excuses excuses.

You’re giving the benefit of the doubt way too much here. There are so many parents who simply couldn’t care less. They’d rather sit at home and smoke while the house is upside down and the kids fend for themselves. Whilst yes there will be families who are in situations you mentioned many are just lazy and care more about themselves. Nothing more to it. I see it a lot.

I’m with the majority here when they say you have no idea how hard it can be.

I have four children.
my oldest three all did different clubs, swimming lessons and we were out and about all the time.

then my youngest came along who has a rare life limiting genetic disorder. He has daily seizures and has been blue lighted to hospital 16 times since September.

when we are not admitted to hospital, some days my boy can be really unstable and I get too anxious to go out in public in case there’s an emergency.

I had to cancel some of their clubs because I couldn’t afford it - I gave up my job to become a full time carer.

sometimes I am completely exhausted and don’t want to go anywhere.

other times it’s hard to find somewhere accessible where I can navigate NG feeds, rescue medication and a specialist pushchair.

for example I took the kids to Ninja Warrior the other day. There was no lift to get up to the cafe so I had to sit on a FLOOR as there was no way to get the wheelchair upstairs. It was boiling hot and I didn’t have a drink but thankfully a very kind lady offered to get one for me. The stress of it made me not want to go again.

I try my best. During the summer holidays we’ve had one crappy week where the kids stayed in their pyjamas and had too much tech, and then we had a good couple of days where I could do something with them. I batter myself about it every day, I don’t need to see other mums judging me too.

My child is the same. Loves them all (except maybe the 90 mins of music on a Saturday morning)

Another reason I give him so many activities is that I really struggle to keep him off a screen when we are at home. Better basketball than Nintendo.

Maybe I need to push myself to do more baking, crafts, jigsaws etc - but it gets exhausting.

The screen time thing was an assumption some posters made. Did we have some screen time? Yes. Watched telly together or played adventure , problem solving games together. But… it wasn’t all day every day AND we did it together, still engaging, talking about stuff etc.

What a strange way to think about it. You certainly won’t get the families I work with the change by “judging”. They are low income, often living with various stressors, they do not have cars and they weren’t brought up with “days out” and they aren’t wondering how to enrich their kids / they are focused on feeding them and clothing them and just basic parenting.

This is where free or low cost summer clubs come in.

Exhausting getting on and off a bus? Should you get your iron levels tested?

I agree. "Free" activities are rarely actually free. Or easy when you have children with disabilities.

I have suffered from some of those issues and they developed AFTER I had my daughter.
🙄

Probably because everything costs a fortune, or maybe they want their children to learn how to be bored and not expect to be entertained all the time.
I don’t know, I grew up in a very similar environment, we never went anywhere or did anything. It made me look forward to the times when I did get to do things but yeah, I always wished they could have at least took me the park.
I am the opposite with my ds, I try and do things with him, but my god it’s exhausting and expensive.
Why do we have to feel we have to constantly entertain our children? It’s a shame most children don’t get the childhood of years ago where kids played outside all day- and yes, I knew a lot of kids still do, but nowhere near the amount as when I was a child.
Roads aren’t as safe anymore too much traffic, and parents are definitely more cautious about letting children go off and play with their friends until a certain age.
Just don’t judge, it’s not the end of the world and you’ve no idea what works for some families.

Totally agree with you.

Yep.

My son is disabled.

All of a sudden the vast majority of these amazing, free activities often suggested on here are largely unsuitable.

My two kids are very different in this regard

The eldest was literally bouncing off the walls if we didnt leave the house from a very early age. I'd be out by 9am or earlier some days. We went everywhere, playgroups, hikes, libraries, museums, playgrounds, skate parks, the woods, bike rides, soft plays, swimming.

The youngest was happy just pottering around playing with toys. Liked her own bed for a 2 hour daily nap. She just wasn't interested when we went out and asked to go home. She was a toddler was during covid and I do wander whether this impacted on her.

Most (not all) i these activities cost money.

My friend who first child the same age as mine had not taken him out to a playground at 9 months old. She was bemused at the fact we were always out and couldn't understand it. She really lacked confidence taking him out. Spending time with them they both needed routine and the routine seemed to take all day, preparing food, eating, cleaning up, nappy change, nap. I found it suffocating, but it worked for them.

Families and kids are all unique.

This just makes me irritated.

Spending a whole summer at home on a tablet is quite different than being at home and reading, doing crafts, building Lego, etc. One could argue it’s better for children to have an involved adult and stay home than to go out constantly and never learn to entertain themselves at home. I believe children nowadays are a bit overscheduled and overstimulated. It’s nice to have downtime to play with one’s own things.

Yeah, dog poo park (that's what it's called locally) is a bit shit and very dog shitty.
You have to cross dual carriageways to get to the parks from here. One is isolated and not well used so a bit scary. Another is full of broken glass, scary groups of people and broken equipment. One is full of goose shit and people hang around with big dogs. One had someone murdered in it, someone violently assaulted, there have been stabbings and shootings near by. There are grooming gangs. The one in town is ok but busy. There's not much green space, not much free to do. There are only so many times you can look at the fountains. There are places that are a long walk to the park that requires an adult. If you live in a tower block or even a low rise flat it is a big trek down. Buses are really expensive if you are short of cash. The libraries are small, or a long walk away.

Kids get mucky. Clothes are expensive. Washing in a cramped flat/terrace is a pain in the arse. (Many have no balcony and houses have just a yard)

I had severe mental health issues, SEN children, didn't drive, not much money. I really struggled taking them out. And having them home. Either way, it was awful.

This year, I drive, im better off financially, much better from my mental health struggles, I moved house so im in a nice area, and the councils holiday programme is brilliant. Weve been out a lot, my youngest has been ridiculously busy with the holiday clubs, and we're going on holiday soon.

The lack of transport was a big barrier, especially with SEN children who couldn't do busses, even a free holiday club meant a taxi to take them, then home, then a taxi to pick them up and bring them home. £40 just on taxis. Then the worry if they were OK, if the club could cope with their SEN.

Circumstances can and do change.

But if no-one judges, nothing changes.

Judging isn't the bogeyman we pretend it is. It's human and it's part of increasing life outcomes. It's fundamentally how civilisation happened.

Not all things are equally good. The things that are bad and can be changed, will only change if someone says 'you know what, this isn't good.'

We go somewhere every single weekend day and it’s usually something free or very low cost. Maybe it’s because we have so many free things to do in the North West. I couldn’t imagine staying in though she’s so high energy I’d go insane. There is sooooo much to do though when you look into it.

If she wasn’t such a high energy child though I admit I would definitely have a lot more chill days! But I am also very similar to her and want to explore myself.

It’s definitely all about balance. Obviously time to be bored and creative and rest is important too. I think it’s important to be in the habit of getting exercise and fresh air everyday. This could be in the garden but for us in a semi d in the city, it involves going somewhere.

Haven't read the whole thread (my bad) but a mix of holiday clubs, hour bike ride /park per day or food shop outing. But I took the whole day off work the other day to go and do something together and DC did not want/refused to go out (they are ASD/ADHD) which was so frustrating as I'm desperate to go out for air (I wfh). Believe me I couldn't face the kick back that day. Otherwise, I can't understand as at that age I would be out at park with friends, library, reading, beach, blackberry picking, seeing grandparents etc independently. Will be dragging them out tomorrow as I have passes to a nearby attraction I can reuse.

I think it depends on whether your child has additional needs (will they socialise or have a melt down), cost and affordability (more children the higher the cost or limited income), time (if you have to work or have unusual shift pattern), transport options depending on where you live and what you can afford, and parents' health (combo of ability to get out of home and to attraction whether free or paid for or holiday scheme and/or affordability).

I have a few days booked for a caravan stay shortly so we WILL be doing stuff but as a child myself my parents weren't rich so it was picnics, walks, visiting relatives, morning holiday tv, library, playing out. We didn't have games consoles or internet then which I think has made a massive difference.

My DC said the other year that they didn't do anything during summer when asked when in fact they been abroad twice - one long haul and one short! So "chilling" may not be entirely what you perceive!