Families that don't do anything with children

Getting out doesnt have to mean exciting days out - Im a sahm to 2 preschool kids, live in a village and I don't drive but we still manage get out most days. Bus into town or nearby villages, a walk to the park. It's harder on public transport and takes a lot more planning, eg it takes 2 buses and 45 minutes to get to the soft play which is a 10 minute drive away, but its doable. We take drinks, snacks and picnics when we go out. I feel sad I can't get to better/more rural places but it's still getting out somewhere.

Of course I understand there are reasons people genuinely struggle to get out though - health, poverty ect

There’s only so much baking, crafts and role play you can do in one day at home before you want to scream. For me it helps to get outside for a couple of hours a day or I feel my brain turning to mush.

Exactly. It does introduce a whole different dynamic when a second child comes along, throw in a significant age gap along with SEN and then you see its not so simple.

I’m chafing at the suggestion I’ve made them like this, but your general point that it’s self reinforcing has to be right. To be clear I don’t want them to be like this - I would like a calmer house and the ability to stay home whenever I want! They don’t like playing with toys (especially my son) which is I gather what a lot of small children spend all their time at home doing!

Try a second kid or lack of money and you won't be so smarmy.

Makes sense. Mine are both extremely extroverted and sociable. They love birthday parties, the busier, louder and more chaotic the better 🤦‍♀️ I see other children struggling in those environments.

Yes, I think it's different for different kids. DD as a young child had a very low tolerance for excitement, and anything involving too much fun or stimulation would make her miserable rather than happy. So we spent quite a lot of time at home, doing fun home things, or preparing DD for the more fun activities and giving her recovery chill time afterwards.

Bad parenting would be constantly taking my child out, or constantly keeping your child in rather than letting them stay mostly in an environment where they are happy and comfortable and gradually stretching them to be able to cope with different experiences whether those are staying in days or going out days.

That same basic principle will look very different in different families.

Probably not. It’s probably a mix of nature and nurture. They’re naturally active/bouncy kids so you go out to keep them busy, so they’re used to being out (almost a pavlovian response) and not really sure what do to or how to do it at home, so they’re used get bouncier (because it’s out of routine), so you get them out and keep them busy and repeat.

It can often start in babyhood. Out every day for a walk, baby yoga, baby swimming, baby group , baby sign language etc.I remember threads on here with people being at the park at 7 am because their toddler has been up since 5 and raring to go.

It can be a self fulfilling prophecy sometimes (same with staying at home so no judgement) , but as long as both the kids and parents are happy and there’s some balance to be found (managing to enjoy/get used to both), then it’s all good.

I take my kids out every day without fail, and very often it’s to “day out” type stuff. I know how fortunate I am that we live in central London (for stuff to do) and that we have the means to allow me to do this. I also know that the primary reason I take them is for ME - I enjoy the places we go (or I enjoy watching their sheer joy, at eg. Soft play or other super loud abrasive places), and I also cannot handle the fact that if they are at home then by mid-morning they are literally bouncing off the walls and screaming. It’s really hard to control them or keep them calm. Is this normal?! I mean, clearly some other people’s kids are different and that’s fine. But should I be worried about mine?!

If being at home is so boring for your children perhaps you should work on accepting that different people live differently and look at the activities you have available for your child at home rather than preaching about how wonderful your outings are and how terrible parents who don't do them all the time are.

Mine like being out but they both also find it overwhelming and prefer to spend well over halt their days in, doing less hectic activities at home. We do plenty but if you asked either of them what we did they'd probably shrug and say "dunno" or "nothing" with no mention of the crafting, baking, collecting, investigating, discussions about nature and life cycles in the garden etc. I get similar replies if I ask anything about school where I'm fairly sure they're doing useful things based on what I see on the school app and in their workbooks and book bags. While we were on a lovely holiday recently at the seaside with days out at all the things you're "meant" to enjoy with kids, one of mine started struggling a week in and said they wished they were at home. Your schedule of experience expansion would not work for us.

Interestingly I walk another kid in my son's class home one day a week and we were chatting as we all walked. He does an activity almost every day after school and asked why mine doesn't do that. He said "we always go out so we don't watch too much TV". We barely ever turn ours on in the week, because when mine are tired turning it off sets us on the path to a meltdown so better avoided.

I guess some of those in this thread are like that and can't stay at home a lot because the default entertainment there is a screen rather than fun or imagination. Contain your outraged splutters scheduled daily activitiers and daytrippers, I was just giving you a taste of the judgy assumptions in reverse. Annoying, inaccurate and upsetting, isn't it?

Some people are happy to chill out at home a lot. Chit chat, play board games, read etc

Countryspaniel I think many families now simply dont have spare cash to spend.Even a trip to the park includes drinks and an ice lolly .Often if you live in a high rise flat and the lifts are out you are trapped (.Recent news articles) I always took my DC out when small .And my DS loved after school clubs too.All families are different .Its not ideal but as long as they are fed and clothed thats the main thing .Families in London (and other big cities ) struggle in Summer hols and there is a charity set up to help with food projects.Hunger is a major problem for many even in 2025!

It doesn’t matter whether you live in a city, small town or rurally, the message should still be the same - children need to be out for fresh air and activity.
If you don’t have money, children should still go out for fresh air and exercise. Use your imagination as it’s not fair on the children. It’s fine if it’s not everyday but there shouldn’t be any reason that children are never out, except for health reason where it’s genuinely difficult. But even then, children would benefit but understandable if there are issues.

I agree when I was having seizures alot I still took daughter out but on grassy areas close to home (she was 9 so knew what to do ) etc or asked my mum to come along to places I knew I couldn't handle luckily 5 year seizure free and now driving just been on holiday and went on the largest roller coaster in Europe it felt so good lol 😆

Except not everyone has the money for trains and busses every day. So there is often a reason, not an excuse.

I don’t have a car, am 37 and am out every day on trains/ busses with my 7 month old, I live in suburbs so have to take a lot of public transport to get anywhere. There’s no excuse.

Yes, my DD is a single parent of adopted children and, though she earns a decent salary, can't really afford summer clubs all the time - especially the longer-day private ones. So many women on this thread think that everyone has all day every day to entertain their children, and money to take them out. Or maybe they are actually WFH? My apologies to those working in education who do have holidays free, you are obviously in a different position.

I have a SIL like this, has money but it won’t be spend on the kids, it gets spent on material things, house renovations, the kids have a tv in their rooms at age 3 and 6, there’s also two tvs in one room(very large open plan kitchen/ living room) they have an iPad each as well as game consoles. She won’t take them on holiday as it’s too much hassle and when they do occasionally leave the house to meet us they are told to sit quietly and play on their iPads. One time, they came to out with us (a rarity) and the kids forgot their iPads so they were told to take turns playing on her phone even though they both said they didn’t want to, they were forced to. I can only assume because she CBA engaging with them for even a minute. She also doesn’t book holiday clubs for them and they are left to watch tv all summer while she WFH. Some people have kids because they think that’s what they should do, not because it’s what they want to do.

I think you make do with the environment - my family originate from the countryside. The children have lots to keep them occupied.

Whereas my possibly autistic three year old would spend all day pouring water into cups and making the house wet. Kind of envious yours plays with a variety of things.

Hopefully you don’t have young children then?

A lot of stay at home mums are going through a different kind of difficulty. Not saying this is always the case, but a lot of the time the husband in that situation has complete control of the money and refuses to allow his wife enough money to even take the children out and do things with them. So they have to improvise and find things to do with their children in the home. Sometimes husbands who are on decent enough salaries are the most financially abusive, and so incompetent with looking after the kids that the wife cant get a job of her own because she knows he cant be trusted to look after them. No matter how things look on the surface, things aren't always as rosy as they seem.

I’m not sure why some people think everyone else wants a heavily scheduled life either. My dc go to 2 extra curriculars per week each and that includes swimming lessons. They don’t want to do any more, that’s more than enough for them as it is! They enjoy just being at home after school, going to the park, playing with Lego and yes a bit of tv time. Maybe having a play date with a friend. And, particularly for my eldest, we need to make time for homework to be done too.

My autistic child’s favourite ‘trip’ as a child was to visit the local
pet shop!

You understand not overscheduling? Yet Your daughter’s doing 5 or 6 things a week - to me , and my DCs, that’s far too much.